Page 45 of The Compass Series

JAX

“ W hiskey,” I muttered, sliding my empty glass toward the bartender.

I didn’t know how long I’d been sitting inside that bar.

I didn’t know how long I’d been there. I drove off from Kennedy and her comfort because my mind was too messed up.

I needed to get away, and when I made it out of town, I realized I had nowhere else to go.

I didn’t know anything else but that damn town.

So, I ended up in Ray’s Bar and Grill, drunk off my ass on a Saturday night.

I was officially to the point where the whiskey stopped burning and my thoughts went blank.

Good. I didn’t want to feel anything. I didn’t want to deal with the fact that after years of trying to make up for my past mistakes, I’d still failed.

I was homeless, with nothing to show for it.

I gave my father everything I had, and he screwed me over. Even though he told me that someday I’d get the land. Even though he swore it would be passed down to me. That was my mistake—believing in a liar. I might as well had believed in Santa Claus.

“You sure you haven’t had enough, Jax?” Ray asked, narrowing his eyes. What was the deal with people naming the restaurants after their first names in this town? Did they lack that much creativity?

Shit.

I was drunk.

“I buried an asshole today, Ray. I could handle more whiskey,” I muttered.

Ray frowned. “Heard about that.” He didn’t offer me his condolences, because he was an honest man. He wasn’t sad that my father had passed away. Didn’t blame him. Yet, he did place my glass back in front of me and leave the whiskey bottle with me.

I raked my hands through my hair that was wild and untamed before pouring myself another glass. I shut off my phone, to avoid Kennedy’s calls that kept coming through. I wasn’t ready to feel good. I wasn’t ready for her love that she was going to give to me.

All I wanted to do was drown in my pathetic truths.

All I wanted was to be left alone.

Unfortunately, I knew that wasn’t going to happen the moment I heard a giggling voice come crashing into the bar. “Oh my gosh, Lars! Stop it,” Amanda snorted.

I glanced over my shoulder to see two Amandas and three Lars’ barging into the place. They were tipsy, obvious, and dancing to the country music that was blaring on the radio. Since when was music playing?

Maybe the whole time.

I blinked a few times and shook my head. Turned out there were only one Amanda and one Lars. Whatever. It didn’t matter.

I went back to my whiskey and tried my best to shake off my annoyance when Lars hollered. “Well, if it isn’t Jax Kilter out at the bar. What a treat for everyone in this place!” he shouted, clapping his hands together.

My chest tightened, but still, I ignored.

“Leave him alone, Lars,” Amanda said. “He’s been through enough today.”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot that was okay. I bet that’s why he’s here, though. I’m sure he’s having a celebration drink for his deadbeat father. Is that what you’re doing, Jax?” Lars asked, marching toward me and placing his hands against my shoulders.

My hands gripped the glass and I stayed quiet.

“Lars, come on. Let’s grab a table and eat,” Amanda begged, as if she was surprised by the fact that Lars was being a dick. It was in his DNA. “Leave him alone.”

Did she really believe that was something Lars was going to do? He hadn’t left me alone ever in our lives. Why would he take it easy on me that evening? Besides, Lars’ favorite pastime was kicking people when they were already down.

Nothing like beating the fallen with a stick.

“How about you get a table, and I catch up with an old friend.” He ordered.

“I’m not your friend,” I muttered.

He tilted his head toward me and moved in closer. “What did you say?”

Amanda took a few steps toward us. “Lars?—”

“Go,” he said, giving her his cocky smile.

I looked over to Amanda. Her eyes were filled with concern. I wasn’t sure if the concern was for me or herself.

“Don’t let him talk to you like that,” I softly spoke. “Don’t let anyone talk to you like that.”

“Jax,” she started, and Lars once again cut her off.

“ I said get a table ,” he snapped.

How did she end up next to him? She was better than that. She deserved better. Based on the way she dropped her head and went to find a table for the two of them, she didn’t know that she was better off without him.

She knew I wasn’t a fan of Lars. I couldn’t help but wonder if she went for him to try to get my attention.

“Does it bother you?” Lars asked me, still not backing up. “Me fucking your ex-girl?”

“Dude. Are you serious right now? We’re almost thirty. How about you get over this shit already?” I muttered. “It’s a bit old.”

“It must be killing you. Truthfully, I’m surprised Amanda stayed with you as long as she did. And you know what? After I’m done screwing her, I’m going to go ahead and screw your new chick, too.”

That took it too far. “If you step anywhere near Kennedy,” I hissed, turning his way.

“Ohh, there he is.” He smirked. “The beast is waking up.”

“What do you want from me, Lars?”

“I want you to leave this town. We’re better off without your toxic ways. And you think you’re slick? Starting up a landscaping business? Taking my client?”

“I’m not starting a landscaping business,” I mumbled.

“Then what the hell is this?” he barked, tossing a business card my way.

I picked it up and tried to focus my stare the best I could. Of course, Connor made business cards and was handing them out around town. I should’ve known he’d end up doing something stupid like that.

“It’s not real,” I told him.

“It’s real to me when people talk about getting quotes from another business. I can’t have you out here taking money out of my pocket.”

“Nobody’s taking your money,” I groaned. I was too drunk for this. Why was Lars even talking to me? Didn’t he have a date to get back to?

“Of course, you’re not, because you’re a deadbeat, just like your dead ass father.

Nobody in this town wants to work with you, outside of having you fix their shitty toilets.

A shit man handling shit, that’s all you are.

I wish you would’ve shot yourself when you killed your fucked-up mother,” he whispered, his voice low and coated in venom.

And just like that, the numb parts of my soul lit up inside of me as he spoke about my mother.

“What do you want, Lars?” I snapped, standing up from the stool.

“You want me to flip out? You want me to lose it? You want me to fight you? You want to make me out to be an asshole? Fine. Here, I am, Jax-fucking-Kilter! The asshole who killed his mother. The asshole who got beat by his father. The asshole who has nothing. You want the monster in me to come out? Here you go! Have at it! Give me your best shot,” I hissed, holding my arms out wide open. What did I have to lose?

“You really want to do this, Kilter?” Lars asked, seemingly surprised.

No. I didn’t want to fight Lars. I didn’t want to do anything. I was drunk, everything was spinning, and the numbness that I held was fading away.

I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter,” I mumbled.

“What’s the matter with you, huh? Why are you such a weird fucking guy? Why are you always mumbling?” Lars barked. “I don’t know how Amanda put up with that.”

I didn’t want to deal with him. I didn’t want to deal with anyone. All I wanted was to be left alone.

As I turned to walk away, Lars gripped my shoulder and whipped me around to face him. “I’m not done talking to you, asshole!” he shouted, and without thought I slammed my fist straight into his face.

I didn’t mean to do that. I was walking away. All I wanted to go home.

I didn’t have a home…

Shit, shit, shit.

Before I could focus, Lars tackled me and sent me to the ground. We began wrestling as everyone in the bar shouted. Amanda sounded like she was crying. Some people cheered us on, others tried to split us up.

“Get the fuck out!” Ray shouted, pulling us from one another.

“Ray, sorry.” Lars stood to his feet. “He started it.”

“Save it, Lars. You’re a real dick for messing with Jax today of all days. Get the hell out,” he ordered. Ray reached a hand out toward me. “You good, Jax?”

I nodded but didn’t say anything else as I stood. My face hurt. My head hurt. My heart ached, too.

I reached into my pocket, pulled out cash, tossed it on the counter. “Sorry, Ray,” I muttered before stumbling out of the bar.

I began patting my pockets, for my keys when a voice called out to me.

“Jax!”

I looked up to see four Kennedys coming my way.

Two Kennedys.

Nope, just one.

“What are you d-doing here?” I stuttered, stumbling. I could’ve laid right on the sidewalk and been okay.

“I’m here to take you home,” she said, wrapping an arm around mine.

I yanked it away. “Home?” I laughed. “Good one, Kennedy.”

I began walking the opposite direction of her, and she chased after me. “Wait, Jax. Come on. You can stay at my place. You don’t have to do this alone.”

“Why not? That’s how I’ve been doing everything.”

“You’re drunk,” she whispered, coming back to me, and holding my arm. That electric shock she sent through me was still there. I hated how she warmed me up. I hated how being near her made things feel a tad bit better.

“I’m fucked up.” I sighed. “I should go. I need to get out of this town. I need to leave this place. I need to?—”

“Come with me,” she cut in. Her honey-colored eyes piercing me.

“Where?”

“Anywhere. Everywhere. Wherever you go, take me with you.” She took my hands into hers and pulled me in closer to her body. I wanted to pull away, but I wanted to stay more. Her forehead rested against mine. “Stay, Jax.”

“Sun…”

“Stay, Moon,” she whispered, placing her hands against my chest.

My eyes closed as my mind began to spin.

“Stay with me,” she pleaded.

“I have nothing, Kennedy. I have nothing to give you.”

“Give me your heart, and that’s all I need. Please, Jax. Please,” she begged, running her lips gently across mine. “If you stay, I’ll love you forever.”

I opened my eyes, and there she was, my lover. My friend. My sunlight.

“What am I going to do?” I asked, my voice cracking.

“Let’s go home tonight, and we’re going figure it out in the morning. Okay?”

We’re going to figure it out.

We.

It wasn’t just me, myself, and I anymore. I wasn’t walking alone, because Kennedy was brave enough to walk beside me.

I nodded slowly and took her hand into mine. “Okay.”