Page 156 of The Compass Series

DAMIAN

S tella appeared in my office doorway, looking defeated. I pushed my chair back from my desk and gave her a small smile, knowing today was a hard day for her.

“Hi there,” she whispered, leaning against the doorframe.

“Hello.” I stood to my feet and slid my hands into my pockets. “What do you need?”

She sighed and rubbed her hands against her face. “A hug?”

Easy enough.

I pulled her close to me, and she snuggled into my body.

Her head rested against my shoulder, and she closed her eyes as she spoke.

“And maybe pickles with chunky peanut butter?” she said so innocently.

“The spear kind of pickles, not the whole ones. I know everyone says they taste the same, but they definitely do not.”

I laughed. “You got it. I’ll run to the store.”

“Thank you.”

I got her comfortable on the living room couch with blankets, and I set up a romantic comedy for her to watch.

“Call me if you need anything else from the store,” I told her, giving her a forehead kiss.

“Thank you.”

“Always.” I began to walk away, and Stella peeked over the edge of the couch and called out my name. “Yes?”

“Maybe some tacos, too?”

“You got it.”

“Okay, thank you.” She slipped back down on the couch, then popped up again. “Oh, and Damian?”

“Yes?”

“I’m so grateful for you.”

I didn’t know if grown men could get butterflies, but if we could, they showed up every time she gave me any kind of compliments or words of affirmation. “I’ll be right back.”

When I returned home, I was shocked to see Jeff’s car parked outside of our house. The front door was wide open and alarm hit me instantly as I rushed into the house at the sound of him shouting.

“You’re drunk, Jeff,” Stella said shakily as she stood in the foyer, backed up against the staircase.

“What’s going on?” I asked, shooting my stare toward Jeff, who was clearly blasted out of his mind. He was standing in front of Stella, looking insane. Within seconds, I stepped between the two of them and tossed him to the side. He stumbled backward, wasted out of his mind.

“Screw you, dude. I’m here talking about my child with Stella. This has nothing to do with you,” he slurred.

“It does when you get in her face.”

“I’m not here for drama.” He shrugged, reminding me of the person he was when I first met him all those months prior. “All I’m saying is, I deserve a chunk of Stella’s money if she’s going to have this baby. The kid deserves the same quality of life when they stay with me.”

“There’s no way the baby is going to stay with you if you’re this drunk, Jeff. You need help,” Stella calmly stated even though I could see the fear in her eyes.

“Fuck off, Stella. This kid is mine, too.”

“I know, and we can work with lawyers to?—”

“Screw your lawyers!” he shouted. “You think you get a right to tell me what I can do with my kid? You already took my last one away when you killed it, and now you’re trying to keep this one from me.

Damn, Stella! After everything I did for you!

I took out those loans for us. I borrowed all of this money for our future, and now you’re trying to start a new life with this dickhead with my kid! ”

“That’s not it at all, Jeff. You’re not thinking clearly,” Stella said, still trying to talk sense to his nonsense.

“You’re not better than me, Stella,” he told her.

She frowned. “That’s not what this is, Jeff.

Listen, maybe you should rest and sober up a bit.

I can get you water—” As she started for the kitchen, Jeff lunged toward her as if he was going to grab her.

Before he could, I reacted without thought and slammed my fist into his face. He hit the ground and was knocked out.

“Oh, my goodness!” Stella gasped with tears in her eyes.

“Shit,” I muttered. I shook my head, staring down at Jeff. “I’m sorry, Stella. I just thought he was going to hurt you, and I reacted…”

“It’s fine. Maybe we can put him in the back room for him to sober up. I didn’t want him to drive in that state anyway.”

She was so caring even to those who didn’t deserve her gentleness.

I carried Jeff to a back room and tossed him into the bed. He began to snore, which was a good enough sign of life for me.

When I headed back to the living room to check on Stella, she was standing, filled with nerves as her hands moved up and down her forearms.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“What Jeff said about my previous pregnancy… I mean, I know you probably have all these thoughts about me and whatnot. But let me?—”

“Stella—”

She held up a hand. “Wait. Please, let me explain myself. Jeff has wanted me to get pregnant for years. I’ve had trouble carrying to term and I have suffered many miscarriages.

With my last one, there were clear signs of complications, and terminating the pregnancy was the best option.

It still eats at me to this day, but I truly do believe I made the best choice I could at that time.

I know you probably think the worst of me, but…

” She stuttered over her words as her body began to shake.

I walked over to her and took her hands in mine to calm her nerves. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. I made the choice to do it and?—”

“No. I mean, I’m sorry I gave you the impression that you’d ever have to explain your life choices to me.

Whatever you did, you did it because you made a choice, which was yours to make.

I would never judge you for that. I would never judge you for anything you’ve ever done, and I am sorry that you thought I would.

I’m sorry you believed I was a man who would do that to you.

Stella, you could do no wrong in my mind.

I will do better in making that clear to you. I will be better for you.”

Her eyes washed with emotions as she became choked up. “How do you do that?” she whispered as she looked up at me with her brown eyes. “How do you make the aching parts of me feel at peace?”

“The same way you did it for me.”

I set Stella up in my bedroom—our bedroom as of late—with a romantic comedy, then waited outside of the guest room where Jeff was crashing.

It took him hours to wake, but when he did, he grumbled about his headache.

It could’ve been from my fist to his jaw or the alcohol he’d drowned himself in. Either way, he was in pain.

“What the…?” he muttered, standing up and walking to the door. “What happened?”

“You passed out,” I told him. “After treating Stella like shit.”

“It’s been a long day. It’s not every day you find out you have a kid on the way.”

“Yes, but there’s no excuse for how you spoke to her. You need help, Jeff.”

“I know. That’s why I came here, to get money to pay off my loans and?—”

“I mean professional help for your drinking.”

He shot me a harsh look. “Listen, guy. The last thing I need is for you to tell me what I need to do.”

“I’m not trying to tell you what to do. But Stella? She’s pregnant, and that child deserves a father. Every child deserves a father, but that doesn’t mean every father deserves his child. Do better. Be better.”

“I don’t have money to get help,” he said.

“I’ll pay for any clinic you find. Money isn’t an issue.”

He huffed. “You think you’re some kind of superhero, huh? You think you’re better than me?”

“No. I don’t.”

He raced his hands through his hair. “I need to talk to Stella.”

“Not now. You need to go home and decide what you really want and how you want to be in this child’s life.”

He grumbled but agreed. As he walked out the front door, I watched him from the front porch. I slid my hands into my pockets. “Jeff?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t ever show up to my house uninvited again, and if you ever take one too many steps toward Stella aggressively again, I will snap your neck in half.”

He parted his mouth to reply, but no words came out.

I wasn’t kidding, either. I’d break that man into two if it meant protecting Stella and that child.

“Jeff, wait,” Stella said, appearing behind me. He looked up and waited for her commentary. She walked over to the table and grabbed her purse. “Do you want to be in this child’s life, or do you want money?”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Do you want to love this child, or would you rather have money?” she asked straightforward.

She pulled out a checkbook. “Because if it’s money, I don’t want you to be in our child’s life.

If you’re just looking for a quick way to get money, I don’t want that for this baby.

So you can either be a part of our lives and be a father… or I can write you a check.”

“Stella,” I warned.

She held up a silencing hand.

Jeff raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’ll pay you to leave us alone. How much do you want?”

He lowered his brows. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, but you’ll have to sign a contract, giving up the rights to raise the child. You won’t be in their life,” Stella told him.

“Half a million,” he said without thought.

I saw the color drain a bit from Stella’s face as the realization settled in that Jeff was nothing more than scum.

I think her gentle heart had hoped for a different answer and a little bit of her light faded at that very moment. I hated that. I hated that her gentle heart was beginning to harden to the world. Don’t become like me, Stella. Stay forever you.

She blinked a few times then began scribbling down the check. “I’ll give you half now and then half when the contract is signed.” She ripped the check out and held it toward Jeff.

He took it without a moment’s thought and scurried away like the rat he was.

As his car drove off, I turned toward Stella.

“Are you okay?” I asked. “Are you sure this is what you want to do?”

“I overheard you both talking,” she said with a smile that sadly looked more like a frown. “You were right. Every child deserves a father. Not every father deserves a child.”

I took her hands in mine and pulled her closer to me. My forehead rested against hers. “Don’t let this harden you,” I whispered. “Don’t let people like Jeff harden your heart.”

“How could my heart harden when it’s surrounded by you?”

I heard her words but felt a slight bit of coldness. I knew what it felt like when a heart began to close. I kissed her forehead. Stay with me, Stella. “Do you want to go to the ocean with me?”

She shook her head and placed her hands against her stomach. “No. I’m not feeling too well. I’m going to go to bed for a while.”

That was the first night in the past months of knowing Stella that she didn’t step into the ocean. I hadn’t a clue why that brought me so much unease.