Page 47 of The Compass Series

DEREK - SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD

C ole called off Jax’s summer camp trip. He wouldn’t let him go, because Jax didn’t kill the deer. Mom fought Cole to let Jax go, but he said it was his money and he wasn’t sending his weak son to camp.

Mom and Cole fought all the time lately, and I couldn’t stand it.

It was just like before, when Mom fought with my Dad.

I hated the yelling, but I hated the thought of us leaving Cole more.

I knew Mom would leave him, though, if Jax didn’t get his shit together.

I already lost one dad, and I didn’t want to lose another.

For the most part, Cole was everything I wanted in a father.

He came to all my football games. We fished together.

We went hunting. He was fucking amazing.

Sure, he didn’t give Jax the easiest time, but that was Jax’s fault.

He acted like a baby all the time. If he would act like a boy and not a little girl, Cole would treat him like he treated me.

Then, Mom and Cole would be happy, and everything would be okay. I was going to make sure of it.

“Get out of bed,” I barked, walking into Jax’s bedroom and shoving him in the shoulder late one afternoon after another day of Mom and Cole fighting. “We have to get out and do it fast.”

“Do what?”

“You have to kill a deer if Cole is ever going to forgive you.”

Jax’s face dropped as panic shot through him. “No, no. I c-c-can’t do it,” he stuttered.

I yanked his blanket off and pulled him out of the bed. “Yes, you can, Jax. You’re just scared.”

“I’m not,” he lied. He was terrified.

“Yes, you are. Now, come on. Do you really want to be the reason Mom leaves Cole? You want your parents to break up?

“No.”

“Then come on.”

“We can’t even get the guns. Dad keeps them locked up.”

I dangled Cole’s set of keys in front of his face. “I got it. Come on, now before they realize we aren’t in bed.”

Jax stood still for a moment, and I groaned, slapping the palm of my hand to my forehead.

“Jax, now’s the time. Be scared forever, or just fucking do it,” I said, my eyes piercing into his.

His stare looked so gentle, like Mom’s. He was soft like her, too.

Emotional. Cole said they were too emotional for their own good.

“Don’t you want Cole to love you like he loves me?” I pestered.

That got him to stand up.

I dragged him out of the bedroom and made him toss on his tennis shoes. He followed me to the shed, where we got the guns. “Take Cole’s gun,” I ordered. “He’ll be impressed to hear you killed a deer with his favorite gun.”

Once we got outside, I made sure Jax steadied the gun. He was shaking so damn much.

It was dark and I knew he hated the dark. There wasn’t much Jax wasn’t afraid of, that was for sure.

All we had for light was the lantern I brought with us, with a flickering candle. I figured a flashlight would scare the deer off too much.

I had my gun, too, just in case Jax needed help.

All he had to do was kill the deer. All he had to do was pull the trigger and Cole would like him. Then everything would go back to normal. Mom and Cole would stop fighting, and we’d be able to stay a family.

I used the lantern to help us see the deer moving through the trees. Cole taught me you had to be patient when catching a beauty like the whitetail deer.

So, we waited, and waited, and waited some more.

Finally, it showed up. The deer was big. Almost two sizes bigger than the one I shot last fall.

“There you go, Jax. He’s a beaut! Line it up,” I ordered, even though Jax’s hands were shaky.

Then, we heard the voice in the woods, calling out to us both. “Jax! Derek!”

Mom.

She was coming.

She knew we were gone.

Fuck.

“Do it!” I whisper-shouted, making Jax jump, and knock the candle over from freight.

“Geez, Jax, come on! You got this, just pull the trigger. Pull the trigger, pull the?—”

The shot was heard, and Jax dropped the gun from his grip.

We heard a scream.

The gun dropped from my hands, and I tried my best to look into the darkness.

I heard sobbing as I rushed through the darkness toward the cries.

As I reached the noise, a rush of panic shot through me as I saw blood painting the grass and branches around me.

I stared down into a pair of doe eyes, which were wide with panic.

“Mom!” I shouted. Jax rushed over, terrified like me.

“Boys,” Mom breathed out, shaking with her words as tears streamed down her cheeks.

What?

How?

No…

Jax’s hands scooped hers into mine as I began screaming. “Help!” I shouted, panic hitting every inch of my being. My chest rose and fell erratically as I felt as if my heart was being ripped from inside my chest.

“It’s okay, baby,” Mom cried, squeezing her hands in Jax’s.

“I’m sorry, Mom,” Jax sobbed.

Her words faded off as the darkness of the night began to swallow me whole.

No, no, no…

“What did I do?!” Jax cried as panic set in my chest. It was all my fault.

Tears flooded my eyes as he stared down at Mom. “Oh my god,” I cried out, pacing back and forth. It wasn’t him. It wasn’t him.

Tell him that it was my gun. Tell him I pulled the trigger. Be fucking brave!

But I couldn’t. I couldn’t push the words out.

I said the one thing that should’ve never left my lips as my little brother sobbed with our mother in his arms. “Jax,” I cried out, my voice strained. “What did you do?”