Page 173 of The Compass Series

HAILEE - SIXTEEN YEARS OLD

I knew what love was because of my parents.

My father loved my mother in every single way possible, and she loved him the same.

It was mutually a quiet love and a loud one.

A stubborn love and a docile one. A wild love and a stable one.

I grew up in a home blessed with an unconditional kind of love story.

Over the years, I’d watched my parents transform in their lives, in their bodies, in their careers in a million different ways, yet the one constant was their admiration of one another.

My mother could gain fifty pounds, and my father still couldn’t keep his hands off her.

My father could be fired from a job, and Mama would still look at him as if he were the greatest provider in the world.

And when each of them had a dream, the other was in their corner as their biggest cheerleader.

They championed each other, even if it meant a little disappointment and discomfort in some areas at times.

It was an equal love story—one where no one felt unappreciated.

I guessed that was where I got my idea of what it meant to love someone—from my parents.

I guessed that’s why I was currently going to champion Aiden in his current situation—even if it meant a little disappointment and discomfort for myself.

“Los Angeles? For how long?” I questioned as Aiden and I sat in the frost-tipped grass wearing our sweatshirts and sweatpants.

It was only September, but the cold found its way to Wisconsin.

We were in that awkward in-between stage of Midwest seasons where it was freezing in the morning, you were a sweaty mess by midday, and the chills came back by nightfall.

Aiden called it the hellhole. I couldn’t disagree with that.

“It could be a few months, but they are saying probably over a year,” he said.

Those few words broke my heart. Aiden had gotten the biggest acting opportunity of his career thus far. He would be starring in a television show, which would film in Burbank, California.

For over a year.

A year ?!

Not to be dramatic, but then again, I was me, so I’d be a little dramatic, but a year without my best friend beside me felt like a lifetime.

How would I manage going over three hundred and sixty-five days without him standing at the bus stop next to me?

Without him sitting in the grass with me?

Without him annoying the living crap out of me?

Who would I count the stars with?

I wanted to cry from the simple thought of it, but I wouldn’t.

I had to be excited for him, and I was excited.

This was the biggest opportunity in the world for Aiden.

He was already a part of the previous season of the series, but not as a reoccurring character.

This was a huge deal for him. He’d worked hard for it and deserved everything coming his way.

Still…

I’d miss him.

People had many friends and such in life, but not me. I didn’t have people. I had a person, and he was leaving our small town to go become a big star.

I knew this day would come. He was too talented, too gifted to not be the brightest star in Hollywood someday, but I wished he could’ve been in two places at once.

“I don’t like saying nice things to you because I know how big your ego gets,” I told him.

“Oh yeah, it’s massive. And growing by the minute.”

“I know. Your head is gigantic from the size of your cockiness. Regardless, just this once, I’ll say this nice thing, and if you ever bring it up again, I’ll punch you in your jugular.”

“Noted.”

My fingers fiddled with the frosted over grass, and I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m proud of you. You’re going to do amazing things, and you’re going to have a lot of fans and stuff, but I want you to know that I’ll always be your biggest fan.”

He smirked and narrowed his eyes. “Did my Hailee just get emotional?”

My Hailee.

Why did that phrase cause flutters in my chest?

I held up a fist and shook it. “Straight to the jugular, Aiden.”

He tossed his hands up in defeat. “Fair enough.”

Out of the two of us, Aiden was the more emotional one.

I think it helped with his career to be in touch with his emotions.

Me, on the other hand? Getting me to open up and be vulnerable was a challenge.

We were opposites in so many ways. I was a type A personality.

A planner with everything in life. Pie charts and stats were my love languages.

Aiden, on the other hand, was a type B personality who went with the flow with any and everything. It drove me bonkers sometimes.

Don’t get me wrong, I too could go with the flow.

As long as I knew where the flow was flowing and the speed of the flow and the duration of said flow and how chaotic the flow could’ve been due to elemental equations and the pros and cons of the flow and why in the hell would anyone want to flow anyway when you could plan ahead and account for every mishap that could’ve happened beforehand?

Anyway. I was cool, calm, and collected. No big deal.

“You know what?” Aiden asked. “I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. It must mean you’re going to miss me.”

Yes.

I am.

More than words.

I could cry right now thinking of you leaving me.

I rolled my eyes. “Missing is a dramatic term and a weak human emotion that keeps people from focusing on their lives.”

Aiden smiled. “I’ll miss you, too, Hails.”

“When do you leave?” I asked.

“Tomorrow, actually.”

Tomorrow?

As in…the day after today?

As in…within less than twenty-four hours?

As in… Oh no. My heart. It was starting to feel as if it was being ripped apart. First slowly, then all at a painfully quick speed.

So that was what heartbreak felt like. It amazed me how a heart could break so quietly when others were around.

I see why some people avoided the sensation and chose not to love at all.

Aiden hadn’t even known as I sat in front of him that every piece of me was aching.

That every piece of me was in the depths of sadness.

I couldn’t keep sitting there. If I did, I’d cry.

If I cried, he’d feel bad. I didn’t want him to feel bad because something great was happening to him.

Still, it felt as if the best day of his life was my worst, and I wasn’t certain how to deal with that.

Emotions and things. Yuck.

I stood from the grass, dusted off my semi-wet bottom, and started heading toward my window.

“Wait, where the heck are you going? We just got out here.”

“I’ve got some homework to finish.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “But…I just told you I’m leaving tomorrow.”

“Yeah. I heard you.”

“Don’t you want to hang out or something? Before my big send-off in the morning?”

In the morning?

I didn’t even get until the afternoon?

Tears. They were screaming to fall.

“It’s fine, Aiden. Have a nice trip. I’ll see you in a year.”

“Hailee, wait?—”

I didn’t. I went into my bedroom, shut my window, closed my blinds, and I cried. Aiden pounded on my window for a little while and texted me repeatedly, but I didn’t respond.

Aiden: I leave at seven in the morning. You better be there to say goodbye, Hails. See you in the morning.

When morning came, I still wasn’t ready to say goodbye. Mama sat on the edge of my bed, and Dad leaned against my bedroom doorframe.

“You should go say goodbye, Hailee. They are going to pull out any minute now,” Mama told me.

Dad nodded in agreement. “I saw them getting into the car.”

“It’s fine,” I told them, hugging my pillow. “I’ll see him when he gets back.”

“Hailee…” Mama sighed. “You’ll regret not getting that hug from him. He’s your best friend.”

Didn’t she know that I knew that? I also knew that a final hug would feel like a final goodbye.

After Aiden succeeded, which he would, he’d be given more opportunities and more reasons not to come back.

He was leaving me with a wish and a prayer that we might be able to finish our senior year together.

I wasn’t real keen on wishes and prayers—they didn’t fit into my pie charts.

I listened as I heard the car next door start.

My heart began pounding wildly against my chest. Dad walked into my bedroom and sat beside me.

He looked like a giant linebacker who could’ve been the meanest person alive, but he was truly nothing but a big giant teddy bear.

He was the gentlest man I’d ever known. From his brown eyes to his soft smile, my father oozed kindness.

“Hailee…Imagine if every time I headed to Los Angeles or around the world to film a movie, I didn’t say goodbye to your mother. Don’t you think that would hurt her?”

“Of course, it would.”

“And wouldn’t it make you sad if I never said goodbye to you?”

“Yeah…”

“So why would you do that to Aiden?”

I parted my lips to speak, but only a whisper came out as my voice shook. “I’m scared he might not come back.”

“I get that fear. I’m not going to pretend that Aiden isn’t insanely talented because he is, but still…he’s your person. And you always say hello and goodbye to your person.”

“Even when it’s hard?”

“Especially when it’s hard.” Dad leaned in and kissed my forehead. “You can do difficult things for love, sweetheart. The love is what makes it a little easier.”

Love.

Was that what this was between Aiden and me?

Love?

I can do difficult things .

I rose from my bed as my heart pounded within my chest and then began running out of my bedroom, through the front door of my house, and as I stepped foot on the grass, I watched as Aiden’s car began to drive down the street.

No.

I felt it as it happened—my heart shattered in my chest.

I broke out into a sprint in the middle of the street.

I waved my hands around like a madwoman as I shouted his name.

“Aiden! Aiden, wait!” I screamed. My lungs felt like they were inflamed, and my body ached because a runner was the last thing in the world I was.

But I ran for him. I ran as fast as I could, pumping my arms, on the verge of tears.

The moment I saw the car brake, I came to a stumbling halt as I slammed against the back of the car.

My breaths were erratic, and my heart was pounding against my rib cage as the back door of the car opened. Sweat dribbled down my forehead as I stood in my Nike sweatpants and sweatshirt.

Aiden climbed out of the car. The moment he saw me, he smirked. He placed his hands against his hips, and with his smug face, he said, “Did you just run down the street for me?”

I rolled my eyes, out of breath as my knees throbbed. It was no secret that I didn’t have knees like Meg the Stallion. My knees were more like the ninety-three-year-olds down at the nursing home.

I crossed my sweaty arms. “Whatever, Aiden.”

He stepped toward me. “Are you here to tell me you’ll miss me?”

“What? No. I told you, missing is a dramatic term and a weak human emotion that?—”

“Keeps people from focusing on their lives. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blah, blah, blah.” He bum-rushed me and wrapped his arms around me. He was so good at affection. Me, on the other hand? Not so much.

“Aiden, stop. I’m sweaty.”

“Give me all your sweat, Hails.”

“Let me go.”

“Hug me back, and I will.”

I sighed. “Okay, but only so you’ll let me go.” I hugged him back, and the way his hands landed on my back made me want to melt into every piece of him and not let him go.

“ILY,” he whispered against my ear. He knew I wasn’t good at expressing my feelings, so ILY was the closest we ever got to saying I love you.

Sometimes I felt broken. I came from parents who were so emotionally in-depth, and my best friend had been the same way. Yet, for some reason, I struggled with my feelings.

They never pressured me to speak up, though. They simply allowed me to be me, and they worked around my odd boundaries with ILYs.

“ILY, too,” I whispered, blinking away the tears.

As he let go, I missed his embrace.

I missed him.

How could I miss someone who was still standing in front of me?

I rubbed the baby hairs on the back of my neck. “Aiden.”

“Yes?”

“What if you get out there and you don’t come back?

What if you get out there and you change completely?

What if Hollywood changes you for the worse?

” I blubbered out on the verge of tears.

Reality set in now as I saw his car packed up and the engine still running.

He was really leaving for a year—if not longer. I was losing the best part of me.

Aiden smiled. “I knew you’d miss me.”

“I’m serious, Aiden.” I bit my bottom lip, trying to fight back the tears. “What if you get out there and forget who you are?”

“If I forget who I am, then I’ll find my way back to you. I’m sure that will do the job.”

“Promise you’ll find me?”

“Promise.”

I shot into his arms and wrapped him in one last hug. He seemed a bit shocked that I was the one to go in for the embrace, but he didn’t fight it. Aiden thrived on physical touch. It was his happy place.

“Sorry, Hailee, but we have to get going if we’re going to make our flight,” Aiden’s dad said, stepping out of the driver’s seat.

Aiden squeezed me one more time. “We’ll make a senior year bucket list, Hailee. I’ll call you, and we’ll write it out together. I’ll be back. I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

He placed his hands on my shoulders. “I promise.”

He headed back to the car and climbed inside. I stood in the middle of the street, watching him pull away. Heading back to my house, I found my parents waiting on the front porch. Mama frowned. “You need a hug, Hailee.”

“No. I hate hugs.”

“Yeah, we know. But…” Dad brushed his thumb against his nose and nodded. “Do you need a hug?”

Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I nodded slowly. “Okay. Just one.”