Page 192 of The Compass Series

HAILEE

I ’d been out of school for a few days as Mama and Dad signed me up to talk with a therapist who could help me with my heavy thoughts. I was somewhat surprised when Samuel stopped by the house to speak with me.

Samuel smiled my way. “Hey, Hailee. Are your parents home?”

“They ran out to check out a property location for their bakery. I can tell them you stopped by…”

“No. Actually, I was hoping to talk to you for a second?” he asked.

“Sure, of course. Come in.”

He walked into the house and closed the door behind him. He smiled, but it felt a bit cold. Colder than I was used to from Samuel. Normally, there was a level of gentleness and protection when he was around me.

His arms crossed, and he cleared his throat as he looked down at me. “How are you holding up, kiddo?”

I shrugged. “I’m okay. I’m sorry about Thanksgiving. It was a lot.”

“That’s okay. I just hope you’re okay.” He wiggled his nose and shifted his feet. “We’ve been praying for you.”

Prayers were weird. I wondered if they were ever answered or if there was just a sky packed full of unanswered requests floating throughout the atmosphere.

“Is there something wrong?” I asked. My stomach felt tangled up, and I hated that I didn’t know why.

“Uh, yes. Can we sit?”

I nodded and led him to the living room. We sat across from one another, and he still seemed tense, which made me feel even worse.

“So I know Aiden and you have been having a hard time lately,” he stated.

“Oh. Yeah. It was more me dealing with myself than him. Honestly, if it was the other way around, I would’ve done the same. I was hoping to talk to him tonight and?—"

Samuel held a hand up and halted my words. “You’re a good girl, Hailee. I’ve known you for a long time, and I have no questions about the type of person you are.”

I swallowed hard. “What’s going on?”

Samuel frowned.

My heart cracked.

He clasped his hands together. “He has a bright future. His dreams are finally coming true. And in order for him to fully step into his future, he has to let go of all things from his past. He cannot have one foot in Leeks and the other in California. You need to break up with him.”

“What? No. We can figure everything out. We can?—”

“He got in another fight, Hailee.”

“What?”

“At school. He heard people talking about you. He got into a fight, and it was leaked to the media. People in town are not only talking but people in the industry are questioning if he has what it takes to build an actual career or if he’s just some kid who got lucky.

” Samuel took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“My son is a lot of things, but he’s not lucky.

He’s hardworking, and I refuse to allow the world to label him as a one-hit wonder. ”

Why didn’t Aiden tell me about the fight? Why didn’t he mention that there was a fight? A fight over me? Why would he keep that from me?

My voice cracked as I spoke. “I can say something. I can speak out on his behalf and let people know?—”

“No.” He shook his head. “No offense, Hailee, but you speaking up for Aiden will only worsen the situation. Any involvement, even a friendship, will be harmful to my son.”

Even a friendship?

What?

“Samuel, what are you asking…?”

“You’re his kryptonite, Hailee. Aiden will do anything and everything for you, to the point of his own destruction. You’re a great girl. You know how my family feels about you and yours, but… this isn’t healthy. Not for you and not for him. This level of codependency is toxic.”

My eyes began to glaze over because I knew exactly what he was asking me to do.

He was asking me to let go of Aiden. Not just as my boyfriend but also as my person. As my best friend. My Tom. He wanted me to let go of my other half.

“You must understand, Hailee, this isn’t easy for me to say.

You have always been a shining light in my family’s world, and I would not wish what you are going through with the bullying and the tabloids upon my worst enemy, but Aiden is my son.

So you must understand me asking this of you.

You must understand that you cannot be a part of Aiden’s life from this point on.

Not if you love him. If you truly love him, and I know you do, you will let him go. ”

Was it true?

Was I the harm in Aiden’s life that he needed to be protected from?

The tears fell down my cheeks, and I seemed to choke on each inhalation I took. My body broke out into trembles as I shook my head. “He’s my best friend,” I muttered repeatedly. “He’s my best friend, Samuel. He’s my best friend.”

He’s my person.

He’s my one and only person.

Without him, I had no one.

Without him, there were only dark days without an ounce of light in the sky.

Samuel’s eyes were glassy, as if he was on the verge of a breakdown, too. I’d never seen Aiden’s father grow so close to tears. That fact alone broke my already shattered heart.

He sniffled and cleared his throat. “Hailee, you must understand. He’s going to lose everything because of you. His dreams will end if he keeps going with you. Your struggles are too big for him to carry. You can’t expect him to do that.”

My chest felt tight.

My mind was in a state of dizziness and confusion.

The worst part of it all? I knew Samuel was right.

My association with Aiden wouldn’t bring about any positivity of sorts.

People would always have something to say about me, which, in turn, would make Aiden feel as if he needed to protect me.

The last thing I wanted was for Aiden’s acting career to end because he was trying to look after me.

“I think you should go, sir.”

“Sure. Of course. Just consider everything I’m saying.

We’re supposed to fly out later this week for a big opportunity.

He’s already refusing to go because he wants to make sure you’re okay.

I’m sure Aiden will stop by to see you tonight.

If you could do me a favor and kill any hope he might have of continuing this thing between the two of you, then that would be great. ”

This thing.

As if our love was nothing more than a fling.

Samuel turned and walked away. He walked away as if he hadn’t just shattered my already damaged heart into a million little pieces.

How did I do it?

How did I break things off with the only person I never wanted to let go of?

When Aiden tapped on my window for a visit, I’d already played out the conversation about to take place in dozens of different scenarios.

I’d broken down the emotional damage that could be unlocked and every reply he could give to me in an attempt to make us work.

I’d gone through the ups and the downs, the hopeful and the dreadful outcomes.

I’d considered him thinking I was joking.

I considered him falling apart. I’d even considered him being numb.

I still wasn’t ready. I’d never be ready to break his heart.

He climbed into my bedroom and gave me the biggest hug the moment he saw me. I let him hold on a bit longer than normal. I didn’t know the next time I’d be able to be wrapped in his arms.

“Are you okay?” he whispered against my ear.

“You didn’t tell me you got the leading role for a Spielberg movie. Why didn’t you tell me that?”

He narrowed his eyes. “How did you know that?”

“Your dad stopped by and told me. He brought me flowers.” And heartbreak, but whatever.

“Oh. Yeah. I was offered the role but I didn’t take it due to the timeline issue.”

“What’s the issue?”

He narrowed his eyes at me as if I were insane. “I can’t leave you when you’re struggling like this. I need to be here for you.”

There it was. The truth that his father worried deeply about. Aiden was turning down huge opportunities to watch over me.

“You can’t do that, Aiden. You can’t turn that down. You have to do the movie.”

“But…”

“I’ll be fine.”

“I know you will be, but I want to be here for you through it all.”

I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t let him see how much this situation was breaking every piece of me. “Aiden, I’m sorry. I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“Do what?”

“This.” I gestured back and forth between us. “Us. I can’t do this right now. I can’t have you giving up opportunities for me. That would never be okay with me.”

“Okay, fine. Then we’ll be long distance for a while. It will take work, but we will be proactive, and I’ll make sure that no matter what, you’re the first priority in my life.”

I love you , I thought.

I need you , I thought.

“I don’t want to do long distance. We crossed pretty much everything off our bucket list. We accomplished what we wanted to do during our senior year, so now you can get back to your real life.”

“My real life?” He narrowed his eyes at me. “What is this? What’s going on in your head? What are you really thinking?”

“Everything I’m thinking is what I’m saying.”

“No, it’s not. This isn’t you.”

“It is me.”

“No, it’s not. Who’s in your head?” My chest tightened from the question. “Are you still mad at me for telling your parents?”

“No. I’m not upset about that at all. I was, but I get it. If it was the other way around, I would’ve done the same.”

“Then what is it? What people are getting in your head, Hails?”

My lips parted, but no words came out. How did I tell him?

How did I inform him that the person getting to me, the whisperings in my ear, were from his father?

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t speak that truth.

Even though I wanted to say it. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, and my fears, though warranted, were not my own.

“Aiden, it’s no one else,” I lied.

He blinked, and his eyes were packed with tears. He took my hands in his, and I wished he hadn’t because whenever he touched me, I felt as if I was stepping into forever. But I couldn’t have forever. I couldn’t have him.

I pulled my hands from him, and that motion cut him deep. “I’m breaking up with you, Aiden. I’m sorry. We both have our own things we are dealing with. I can’t be with you as I work on myself, and you have to work on yourself and your career.”

“Come on, Hailee! Fuck the career!” he shouted. I knew it would shift. From sadness to confusion to anger. I knew Aiden would go through an array of emotions. I planned for it. Yet behind each emotion, it was clear that they all developed from the same expression: heartbreak.

I was breaking his heart.

The heart I promised to take care of for the rest of my life.

“You can’t do this right now. You can’t push me away when we just got to this new place.

You promised if we took the risk, you promised if we decided to be a ‘we’ that you would not run away when things got hard.

You promised no matter how much our lives changed, we would not.

You promised me we would stay the same. You promised you wouldn’t break my heart.

You promised!” he hollered. His voice cracked as he spoke to me.

I felt his pain in every single syllable that left his mouth.

“Aiden, I know I made those promises, but things have changed. I mean, look at my life. Look at the struggles I’ve dealt with over these past few weeks, over these past few months.

My life is currently a mess, and I refuse to let it interrupt yours.

You’re going to change the world. You’ll create films with meaning and heart, and I’ll still be your biggest fan. But I can’t... I mean, I can’t...”

“Love me.” He released the harsh breath and rolled his shoulders back as the anger began to subside and realization set in.

A new sadness washed over the space. It was a type of sadness I’d never experienced before.

The kind that made your own blood feel chilled as your whole body began to tremble. “You can’t love me.”

I didn’t know what to say because those words were a lie.

There were only a few things I knew how to do in life.

I knew how to read books for hours. I knew how to bake pastries.

And I knew how to love Aiden Walters. Loving Aiden came as easily as taking a breath each morning.

The love I had for him was one of the only constant things in my life.

“We will still be best friends?” I promised him.

As it left my mouth, it came out as more of a question.

As if I doubted that was even a possibility.

I doubted everything lately. I doubted my own mind and my own thoughts and my own feelings because my world had been turned upside down so quickly that I hadn’t had a chance to even catch up.

“No. You don’t get to say that. You can’t be my best friend after breaking my heart.

You have to either love me or let me go.

This in-between bullshit isn’t going to work, Hailee.

So if you can’t be with me, you can’t be my friend either.

So say it. Say we aren’t best friends anymore, that we aren’t together anymore so I can get it through my thick head and move on. ”

Our worlds that once collided as one were beginning to separate.

We were moving in two different directions, and it was time for me to cut our cord.

To sever our connection. He had to get on the plane tomorrow without a drop of hope that we could be us again.

He had to believe that we were finished so he could truly start his life.

“For fuck’s sake, say it, Hailee!” he shouted, making me jump in fright. “And don’t be a wimp about it. If you want to break my heart, look me in the eyes when you do it. Don’t half-ass this. If this is what you want, what you really want, then say it with your fucking chest.”

I shook off my nerves the best I could and stood tall. I rolled my shoulders back and said the words that would break his heart. They’d break mine even more. I told the biggest lie I’d ever told as I looked deep into his eyes. “I don’t want to be your best friend anymore, Aiden.”

The flash in his eyes at the sternness of my words shattered me. I saw his hurt, yet it was my soul that ached. That was how connected we were, how connected we’d always been. When I was sad, he felt it. When he was broken, I collapsed, too.

His mouth parted to speak, but he paused.

He then wrapped his hands around his Jerry necklace and ripped it off.

He dropped it to the floor and looked me dead in my eyes.

For the first time in our whole lives of knowing one another, his blues looked hollow.

As if any emotion he had attached to me vanished in an instant.

His cool blue eyes were now cold as he parted his lips and said, “Fuck you, Hailee Jones. I never want to speak to you again.”