Page 44 of The Compass Series

KENNEDY

“ H ow’s he holding up?” Derek asked after I forced Jax to lay down for some rest. Derek and Stacey were staying at the bed and breakfast in town. Stacey headed back to rest a bit, but he didn’t want to leave without knowing that his brother was okay.

I walked over to him and sat down on the couch with him. “He’s struggling, of course. I can’t blame him. What your father?—”

“He wasn’t my father,” Derek hissed through gritted teeth. “He wasn’t Jax’s father, either. Not by a long shot. The way that monster treated Jax was disgusting. I couldn’t even imagine what he went through when I left. I shouldn’t have left him here.”

“You tried to get him to come with you,” I offered.

“Yeah, well, I should’ve tried harder.”

“At least you can leave him the property,” I said. “I’m sure you can sign it over to his name, or something. I’m sure there’s a way to make this work.”

Derek lowered his head. His fingers were laced together, and his knuckles were white as he stayed quiet.

“Derek,” I urged. “You can turn your father’s cruelty into something good.”

“I know,” he agreed. “Which is exactly why I’m going to sell this hellhole to the highest bidder.”

I felt the stab of his words. “You can’t do this. This place means everything to Jax.”

“Really? Is it because of the fist holes in the walls? Is that’s what’s keeping him here? Or the memories of when Cole threw the microwave across the kitchen? Or the memories of when he punched me so hard that I blacked out the night before I left? Is that what’s keeping him here?” he snapped.

“No. Of course not.”

“Then what in the hell could keep him staying in this place?”

“Your mother,” I breathed out.

Derek began tapping his foot against the carpeted floor. His whole body was shaking. “That’s another reason he should leave this place behind. It holds too much tragedy.”

“He’s trying to turn it into something beautiful. You have to believe that, Derek.”

“You can’t make beauty out of our past. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

I grimaced watching Derek’s anxiety build more and more as he sat there. I knew his mind was moving at the speed of light, and he truly believed he was doing the right thing by selling his family’s land.

“Derek—”

“I’m going to get in contact with the right people to get this moving on sooner than later.” He stood from the couch and brushed his thumb against his brows. “I have a flight back home early tomorrow, but I’ll be in touch with Jax.”

“Wait, no. Please, reconsider,” I begged, shooting to stand up. “This will break him, Derek. If you take this house from him, he will break.”

The corner of his mouth flinched as he refused to make eye contact with me. “He’s been through worse things and made it out okay. I’m sure he’ll get through this, too, and be better for it. He can finally start a life.”

“He has a life here.”

“No, he has a cage here. One he’s been stuck in for too damn long.

Listen, Kennedy, I get it. You care about him.

I do, too. That’s why I’m making this choice.

He won’t make it for himself. I’ve done a lot of messed up things in my life.

I’d made the wrong choices time and time again, but I feel in my soul this is right. ”

“Where will he go?” I whispered, shaking my head. “Without his home, where will he go?”

“That’s the beauty of this all,” he muttered as he smoothed out his designer suit. “He can go anywhere but here. Tell him I said goodbye, will you?”

“How about you tell him yourself? Be a man. Look your brother in the eye and tell him what you’re playing to do.”

“I’ve never been a brave person.” His head lowered for a second and he took a deep inhalation before sighing. “Just tell him it’s for the best and I’ll be in touch.”

“You’re a coward,” I barked, disgusted by the idea that Derek was going to walk away without telling Jax his plans. That he didn’t even have the guts to look his brother in the face and tell him the truth. “He adores you, and you are going to crush him.”

“He’ll forgive me, because that’s what Jax does. He forgives people.”

“That doesn’t give you the right to take advantage of him.”

“You’re right, and maybe I’ll have to face a heavy load of karma for this choice, but at least I’ll be able to sleep better knowing that my brother isn’t staying in this prison.

I get that you care about him, hell, I’m happy he has someone fighting for him, but I’m fighting for him, too.

I’m sorry you can’t see that right now, but over time maybe you will. Goodbye, Kennedy.”

He left me there with the news that I knew was going to destroy the man I loved.

There I was, with the ticking bomb in my hands, which I knew was going to explode Jax’s soul in the worst of ways.

After I’d told Jax the news about Derek leaving, he didn’t get upset. He didn’t shout and he didn’t breakdown. He seemed…deflated. Numb, almost. As if he rolled through every emotion and was left with complete emptiness.

“I think you to go,” Jax said as we sat on the edge of his bed.

“No, Jax. I’m not going to leave you.”

I kept reassuring him of that fact, but I wasn’t certain he was even hearing me anymore.

He was unplugged from his surroundings, unplugged from his feelings, unplugged from me.

He shifted around as he sat down on his mattress before clearing his throat. “I have to use the bathroom.”

I stood to my feet as he stood. He gave me a weak smile. “You don’t have to follow me to the toilet, Sun. I think I can handle that.”

“Right. Of course. Okay. I’ll be right here waiting.” I sat back down as he walked out of the room. A few moments later, I heard the engine of his truck start up. I dashed to the front door in time to watch him drive away.

“He hasn’t been answering his phone. I’ve been calling nonstop. It’s been over four hours,” I explained to Yoana the moment she arrived at my place. “I’m really worried.”

“I’m sure he’s okay. He probably needed to clear his mind. Everything that happened was a lot for him.”

“I don’t want him out there alone, though. I want to be there for him. I feel like he needs someone, but he’s pushing everyone away. I know what that hell is like. I pushed you away for a whole year because I knew you would give me comfort, and I didn’t think I deserved it.”

The sadness of that truth stung Yoana’s eyes. “You love him, don’t you?”

I nodded. “With everything I am.”

She gave me a broken smile and nudged me in the arm. “Do you know what you do when you love somebody?”

“What’s that?”

“Love them so much more on their worst days. Jax is hurting, and even though he might not think he does, he needs you. He needs you more than ever before. Do you know what I would do if it was Nathan?”

I waited for her answer.

She stood, walked to the front door, and began putting on her tennis shoes. “I’d search every corner of the world to bring him back home to me. So, let’s go searching.”

I grabbed my shoes, and we were on our way.