Page 27 of The Compass Series

JAX

I dropped Connor off at his house, said hello to his mother, and checked in if they were in need of anything. She declined but thanked me for the offer. Before heading to visit my father,

I made a pitstop at Eddie and Marie’s house. As I rang the doorbell, a knot sat heavily in my stomach. When Eddie came to the door, he looked perplexed to see me standing there, but then a small smile curved his lips.

“You missed another appointment,” he commented, opening his screen door to talk to me.

“Yeah, I know. Been busy. Listen, can I talk to you really quick?”

His eyes lit up with hope as he stepped aside. “Yes, of course. My couch is always open for you, Jax. Come on in.”

I walked into the house, rubbing my hands together.

Marie came out from the back room and grinned brightly when she saw me. “Oh, hi, Jax. How are you doing? I haven’t seen you since the ana?—”

“Marie, can you make some coffee for us? We are going to hold an impromptu session in the living room.” Eddie clearly did not want to bring up the last time I crossed paths with Marie and their bathroom sink.

I smirked a little at the annoyed therapist. “I don’t need coffee. I won’t be staying long.”

“Are you sure? I have all the time in the world to give you, Jax. Really, it isn’t a problem. I know with everything going on with your father?—”

“This isn’t about my father,” I said.

“Oh?” He sat down in his living room chair and clasped his hands together as I took a seat on the couch. “Then what is it about?”

“Your neighbor, Kennedy. The new girl.”

“Well, that’s not what I was expecting you to talk about, but if there is a new woman in your life after Amanda, I am more than?—”

“No, she’s not in my life. I mean, she was at one point, but she’s not anymore. I’m just helping her with her landscaping.”

“What do you mean she was in your life at one point?”

“She used to be my best friend when we were younger. We went to summer camp together.”

Eddie’s brows furrowed, and he nodded very slowly and therapist-like. “Intriguing.”

“No, it’s not. It’s nothing.”

“Oh?”

“Stop it, Eddie. That’s not why I’m here. I’m not here to talk about my past with Kennedy or dive deep into my psyche. My visit actually has nothing to do with me.”

“Then…why are you…?”

“She needs your help.”

Eddie scratched at the side of his salt and pepper beard. “Jax, that’s not how it works.”

“She went through a trauma. She lost both of her parents and her daughter in a car accident that she blames herself for. She can’t even see a child without being hit with a panic attack.

Joy told me Kennedy doesn’t drive because of the accident, and she hasn’t spoken to anyone professional about her issues. ”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Jax, but I can’t offer her help without her?—”

“You don’t have to therapist her, Eddie. Just…I don’t fucking know—be nosy like the rest of the people in this town and go check on her out of neighborly kindness. She’s broken and just needs someone to talk to.”

“Can she talk to you?”

“I don’t know how to fix her.”

“I don’t either, Jax. Plus, as a therapist, we don’t fix people, because in my mind, they aren’t broken. They are just complex.”

“Yeah, well, just go see about her complexities.”

“Ja—”

“Fuck, Eddie,” I shouted, jumping up from the couch.

I gestured in the direction of Kennedy’s house.

“She’s drowning. She’s in that house alone, and she’s drowning in her memories and guilt.

I know what that’s like. I know what it’s like to drown from all of that shit, but at least I had you to go to.

At least I had someone to talk to over the years.

Kennedy has no one. Please, Eddie. Just…

” I sighed and rubbed my hands down my face. “Help her.”

I looked his way and saw the guilt sitting in his eyes.

He wasn’t going to help her.

Fuck.

“You know what? Never mind. It was stupid for me to come over here. Sorry for wasting your time.”

“You didn’t waste my time, Jax. This is good. This is all good for your progress,” he said as he pushed himself up from his chair.

“My progress? I told you this wasn’t about me.”

He gave me a knowing look, and I hated it.

“She was your best friend,” he stated. “It’s not shocking that your feelings have resurfaced about her with her arrival in town. That’s completely normal, and you don’t have to be freaked out by your feelings. Your concern is warranted.”

“I’m not freaked out by my feelings because I’m not feeling anything about it. What don’t you get? I’m fine. I healed. I did my therapy.”

“You healed?” he asked, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his slacks.

“Yes. I did the work. I got better.”

He narrowed his eyes and swayed back and forth. “How are things with your father, Jax?”

My hands formed fists and my nails began digging into my skin. “Don’t do that, Eddie.”

“Do what?”

He knew exactly what I meant. I didn’t have to talk to him about my father. I was dealing with it. I was getting through it. I was fine. I was more than okay. I was better. It was Kennedy who needed his therapist stares. It was her who was falling apart.

“Forget it. I’m leaving. Thanks,” I muttered, walking toward his front door.

Eddie followed me, and when I stepped onto his front porch, he spoke. “It’s good that she has you. Maybe that’s what she needs more than therapy—just someone to be there for her.”

“I’m not a good person to be there for others, doc. That shit doesn’t work out for me.”

“Every day is a new opportunity to try again. Maybe you can renew your past friendship with Kennedy. That could be healing for the both of you.”

What is with these people? First Connor was telling me to build a fucking snowman with Kennedy and now Eddie was pushing me to befriend her, too. I was pretty sure Joy would get on that train soon enough, too.

What didn’t they understand? I didn’t need a friend. I just wanted Kennedy to get the help she deserved. She had once been so vibrant, so bright and full of light, and now? Her light had faded, which was a fucking shame, because she was the kind of light that made even the darkest soul feel bright.

I brushed my hand over my mouth. “It’s unfair. She’s good, Eddie. She’s so good. She doesn’t deserve that kind of suffering.”

“No one does, Jax, including you. When we can’t lean on ourselves, it’s nice to have others to lean on, too.” I gave him a broken smile, and to my surprise, Eddie called out once more. “I’ll check in on her. You know, as a neighborly gesture.”

My frozen heart? Holy shit, it started beating again.

“Really?” I asked, my voice cracking.

“Yeah. I’m pretty sure we haven’t taken her any food like the rest of the people in this town have. I was trying to avoid being that cliché but it can’t hurt.”

“Thank you, Eddie,” I said, more sincere than ever.

He nodded once and turned to head back into his house.

“Chocolate chip cookies,” I called out. “They were always her favorite.”

“Chocolate chip—a classic. Good night, Jax.”

“Night, Eddie.”

After my visit with Eddie, I stopped by the nursing home to read my father his chapters.

He was much more aggressive that night and irritated with everything and everyone—including me.

I didn’t get to read much to him that night, and when I got home, I couldn’t stop recalling the ways he used to get so irritated at me for the strangest things.

I wished I could turn off my thoughts. I wished I could make my memories fade away, but I couldn’t.

By the time I got home, I poured myself a glass of whiskey before I crashed hard into my bed, and exhaustion swallowed me whole.