Page 38 of The Compass Series

JAX

T here was no way to get around the fact that my brother Derek was very well off.

He was a successful businessman who worked his ass off throughout the years to climb the corporate ladder.

If you’d asked me what he did exactly, I’d shrug the hell out of my shoulders, but I knew he made a good living doing it.

As he pulled up to the Chicago O’hare International Airport to pick me up in his BMW, I was reminded just how well he’d been doing.

“Well, if it isn’t my favorite little brother,” Derek smirked, hopping out of his car. He walked over to me, placed his hands on my shoulders, and shook his head. “You’re looking bigger than the last time I saw you. You’re going to make me have to get in the gym and start pumping some iron.”

“If you did that, you might not fit into your designer suits anymore,” I joked.

“That’s what tailors and alterations are for, brother.”

He pulled me into a hug, and I’d be a liar if I said it didn’t feel good. It always felt good to touch down in Chicago to see Derek. Sometimes, it felt like I was seeing Mom, too, looking at his face. She would’ve been so proud of the man he’d become.

After we broke up our hug, I was shocked when a woman climbed out of the passenger seat of his car.

She was a very pretty girl with the brightest smile I’d ever seen—other than Kennedy’s.

That was a first for my trips to visit Derek.

It was no secret that my brother had a bit of a playboy persona.

He’d slept with a lot of women, but he never let them stick around to ride in his BMW.

And he definitely didn’t have them come with him to pick me up from the airport.

“Hi, there!” She smiled. “I’m Stacey. Derek’s?—”

“Fiancée,” Derek jumped in. Stacey giggled and nudged Derek in the side. “You’re supposed to let me say it!”

“Sorry, I can’t get enough of saying it out loud,” he said, kissing her forehead.

“Fiancée?” I asked, trying my best not to sound surprised. “I didn’t know there was even a girlfriend.”

“Yes, well, it’s been a bit of a whirlwind,” Stacey grinned. “We’ve only been talking for about two months, and last night bam! Proposal!”

Color me stunned.

“You know what they say, when you know, you know,” Derek said, kissing the girl’s forehead again.

They both seemed smitten as hell. Happiness looked good on Derek.

Sometimes it seemed that he struggled to find his way in life apart from working.

There were times when his mind would get so dark, but he refused to let anyone in.

He said therapy wasn’t for him, but he was glad it worked for me.

Still, I wished he would talk to someone. It couldn’t hurt.

“Congratulations!” I said, holding my hand out toward Stacey to shake.

“Oh no, sweetheart, I’m a hugger,” she said, pulling me in close. As she squeezed me to death, I looked to my brother who was grinning ear to ear at her as if she were his sun.

Good for them.

“Now, don’t worry. I won’t be in your hair all weekend. I just wanted to come and meet you to say hi. Derek has told me so much about you.”

“Hopefully good things,” I joked.

“There’s only good things to say,” Derek commented, even though I knew it was a lie.

We headed to his apartment, which showcased once again that money wasn’t a problem for him.

It was a huge place with three bedrooms on the eightieth floor in downtown Chicago.

Sometimes, I wondered where I would’ve been if I’d taken him up on his offer to come work at his company.

Then again, I knew deep down in my soul I was a southern boy through and through.

Big city lights didn’t call me home. I felt more at peace deep in the woods.

Stacey didn’t stick around for long. Even though I said she was more than welcome to crash our dinner, she disagreed, saying we needed time to catch up.

Derek picked out the best steak house in the whole city, and I was more than willing to let him pay for it. Plumbers didn’t make the kind of money that Derek did, and most of my paychecks went toward Dad’s medical bills.

“It’s really damn good to see you, Jax. We should start making visits more often. Once a year doesn’t feel like enough anymore. Especially with Stacey being such a family girl. She was horrified when I told her we only saw each other once a year,” Derek said, cutting into his ribeye.

“You’re more than welcome to come down to Havenbarrow,” I replied, to which he scrunched up his nose.

His reaction was no surprise to me. I knew that Derek hadn’t any plans of returning to his hometown.

Not even to visit me. Too many of his demons lived there.

Truthfully, I didn’t blame him for not wanting to revisit them.

“You know that’s too hard for me, Jax.” His voice dropped a little. “But you’re always welcome here.”

“I know. I’ll make more of an effort to get out this way, too.”

Maybe I’d bring Kennedy to meet him and Stacey. The fact that bringing Kennedy up to visit was even a thought shocked me. The fact that it made me so happy shocked me even more.

“Or, you can just take a position at my business firm. You know I’ll always make room for you, and it wouldn’t be some bottom barrel position. You can work beside me, be a partner.”

I laughed. “I don’t have a business bone in my damn body, Derek. The idea of making me your partner is insane. I’d ruin your business in a heartbeat.”

“I could train you. Seriously, Jax. We could make a great team.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “Why do we have this conversation every year I come up here?”

He sighed and put his silverware down. “I want more for you than your life back in Kentucky.”

“My life is fine down there. I have my business.”

“That was Cole’s plumbing business—not yours,” he argued. “You only took it over after he had his first stroke, because for some reason you feel as if you owe that bastard something.”

I always felt like I did owe my father something because I killed his wife.

Seemed reason enough to keep his business going.

“I’m good at it.” I shrugged. I knew Derek would never understand it, but I actually did enjoy my job.

I was good at it and didn’t see me quitting any time soon.

“Why are you always pushing me to leave Havenbarrow?”

“Because it’s a shit town. You don’t need that place in your life.”

I didn’t feel like arguing with him. We only had so much time to hang out. The last thing I wanted to do was fight.

“Subject change,” I said, shifting around in my seat. “How about a little more about this Stacey woman.”

Derek grinned like a schoolboy with his first crush. The conversation grew lighter, and after he finished telling me all about Stacey, I informed him all about Kennedy.

“No shit,” he breathed out, stunned. “That same girl you were crazy about as a kid?”

“That’s the one.”

“That’s right out of a Nicholas Sparks movie or something,” he joked. “So, she’s your girlfriend?”

The question lingered a bit in my mind. We didn’t really talk about labels, but it was no secret that Kennedy was mine, and I was hers. At least in my mind she was mine, and I didn’t see that changing any time soon. “You could say that.”

He kept smiling like a dork. “This is good stuff, Jax. Look at both of us. In relationships with good women. Mom would be proud.”

The mention of Mom tightened my chest a little as guilt hit me.

“She should’ve been about to attend your wedding, Derek…

” I swallowed hard and looked down. “I’m sorry I took that from you.

” I took a lot of memories from him, and I hated myself for it.

Mom was never going to meet her grandchildren.

She was never going to take part in the mother-son dance at our weddings.

She was never going to know how much success Derek had found.

“Stop it, Jax,” Derek scolded. “Don’t do that shit, okay? Don’t carry that on your shoulders.”

“It’s hard not to when I’m the reason?—”

“ You’re not !” he hollered, making other people turned to look at us both.

His voice was loud and powerful as his face turned red from his annoyance.

Then, his voice cracked as he lowered his volume.

“You’re not responsible for that shit, Jax.

It was a long time ago, and you can’t hold that on your shoulders forever.

It wasn’t your fault. Someday you have to let that go. ”

“I don’t see that ever happening. I’m the reason she’s gone, Derek, and I love you for acting like I’m not, but I know better. Anyway, sorry for bringing it up. Let’s change the subject.”

The easiest way to upset my brother was by saying I was responsible for Mom’s death, but he was there. He was out there in the woods with me when I pulled the trigger. He knew what went down. There was no denying what I’d done.

Still, it tore him up inside to know that I blamed myself.

Therefore, I’d do my best to not talk about it, especially when my time to visit with him was so short.

The rest of the night was spent, trading stories of our past and talking about the future.

Before dinner was over, Derek asked me a very important question that I was more than honored to answer.

“Jax, will you be my best man?”