Page 33 of The Compass Series

JAX

“ Y ou’re happy,” Joy commented as we sat on her front porch for our morning coffee. It was going to be a busy day with plumbing jobs around town, so I was thankful to take a few moments with her to ease into the day.

I was also thankful for being able to wake with Kennedy beside me in her bed. We hadn’t had sex, but we had stayed up late into the night talking and kissing and kissing some more. When she fell asleep in my arms, I knew I wouldn’t ever be able to let her go again.

I smiled over at Joy and nodded. “I am.” Her eyes watered, and I laughed. “Don’t cry, Joy.”

“Happy tears, sweetheart,” she said, patting my hand. “Just happy tears. You know, you’re like the grandson I was never able to have. You mean the world to me, and all I ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

“Thank you, Joy, for always being there for me.”

“That’s what family does, honey. We stay together through the good days and bad.”

Even though she wasn’t my blood relative, Joy Jones had been the biggest part of my family over the past few years.

After Derek left, I felt very alone. If it wasn’t for her, I might’ve never made it to the place I was today.

I’d never be able to show her enough gratitude for the way she loved me even when I didn’t have a clue how to love myself.

I looked down at the cup of coffee in my hands. “Part of me feels like this good feeling doesn’t belong to me…as if the universe placed it on me and is going to take it back when it realizes I don’t deserve it.”

“If there’s anyone in this world who deserves this good feeling, it’s you, Jax.

Don’t spoil it by thinking about what could go wrong.

Don’t wash it away trying to figure out the ins and outs of the future.

Be here now with life, because right now is all we have.

Take it from this old fart—happiness stays where you allow it to be. ”

The sun beamed down on us as I snickered to myself and shook my head. “Is it crazy that I think I’m falling in love with her?”

“The best thing in life that we can ever do is be brave enough to love. Fall in love with her, and then don’t you ever stop—although I will have an issue if you don’t make it over to watch The Bachelor with me. That’s when your love for Kennedy begins to cross the line.”

I laughed until I saw the stern look on her face. The daggers Joy was shooting me were enough to scare me straight.

I was determined to never miss an episode of The Bachelor with her for the rest of her life. Besides, it was our tradition. I didn’t have many traditions in my life; therefore, I was going to hold the ones I did have close to me.

Ever since I’d picked Connor up for the workday, he’d been smiling from cheek to cheek, staring at me as if I’d taken home an Olympic gold medal.

“Why do you keep staring at me like that?” I asked.

“You did it, didn’t you?” Connor mocked as we pulled up to our first job at Gary’s Café. “You put your lime in her coconut, didn’t you?!” he exclaimed, pointing a finger toward me.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I grumbled, shaking my head.

“I’m talking about you and Kennedy boning each other! I can tell by the grimace on your face.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “You can tell by my grimace that I slept with someone? That seems backward.”

“It might sound that way to the average person, but I for one am trained to know the grimaces of Jax Kilter—and this is a happy grimace! Plus! You let me get in your truck and put on the top forty radio station. You hate pop music, but I swore you were humming along to Taylor Swift.”

“It’s catchy,” I muttered.

“Holy balls, you just said Taylor Swift was catchy! The world is officially ending. So, tell me all about it.”

“I’m not telling you anything about it because there’s nothing to tell,” I said as I put the truck into park and climbed out. I headed to the bed of my pickup and grabbed my toolkit.

Connor hurried over to me with his cell phone in his grip and shoved it in my face. “Then what is this?”

I glanced at the photograph on the page and narrowed my eyes before snatching it out of his hold. “How did you get this?” I was staring at a picture of Kennedy and me kissing on the street the previous night. What kind of low-budget paparazzi did we have in this hellish town?

“It started circulating around town last night. And to think you said nothing happened.”

“Nothing did happen,” I repeated. Connor gave me a You are a damn liar smirk, and I rolled my eyes. “Nothing that I’m telling you about, at least.”

“Wow, that’s harsh. I tell you everything, buddy.”

“Yeah, and I kind of wish you’d stop doing that, if I’m honest.”

“Whatever. You love hearing my stories. So, tell me all about it. Was it everything you thought your first time would be?” he mocked.

I was this close to cussing him out—except I couldn’t stop smirking like a damn fool.

Connor played on my happiness, too. “Oh my gosh, I’m so proud of you, champ.

I remember my first time like it was yesterday. ”

“It probably was yesterday. Besides, we didn’t sleep together. We just…kissed.”

He paused his footsteps and raised a confused brow. “Wait—time out. You’re this happy because of just kissing a girl?”

I shrugged. “Yeah.”

He shook his head in disappointment. “I expected more from you, Jax. Come to me when you’re a real man.”

“Hey, Connor?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

“Okay, boss.”

The day passed by slowly, but we didn’t have any major plumbing issues to deal with, which made me happy.

Nothing could ruin a day like pipes backed up with shit.

After I dropped Connor off, I headed toward Dad’s nursing home to check on him.

Truthfully, I wasn’t looking forward to seeing Amanda, because I knew if Connor had the photograph of Kennedy and me kissing, it’d probably found its way to her, too.

Right when I walked inside, the daggers Amanda shot my way made me fully aware that I was right in my assumption.

“Just a friend, huh?” she sneered, rolling her eyes as she flipped through a magazine.

I walk to the front desk, and even though I didn’t feel as if I owed her an explanation about Kennedy and me, I knew she deserved it.

Amanda had never been nasty while we were together.

We just came from different backgrounds.

We had differing beliefs. When she talked about kids, she talked about how she wanted to shape them into what she wanted them to become—doctors, athletes, politicians.

I didn’t agree with that idea.

I wanted to have a kid who was happy and allowed to be whatever he wanted.

Plus, when it came to passion between Amanda and me, it was lacking. I didn’t get elated when I knew I would see her. I didn’t feel as if she was the person I wanted to spend forever with. I didn’t see a future.

She deserved someone who looked at her as if she were every star in the sky—and unfortunately, I wasn’t that guy.

“I’m sorry if hearing about Kennedy and me hurt you, Amanda. You know I would never want to do that.”

She kept frowning. “Yeah, well, still hurt.”

I grimaced and skimmed my hand through my hair. “Listen, count yourself lucky. I’m an asshole. You’re better off without me.”

“I know that, Jax. I’m not stupid. It’s just…” Her voice lowered and she shook her head. “You never did that with me.”

“Did what?”

“Laughed. We never laughed together.”

“Sure we did,” I offered. There was no way we hadn’t laughed together. We’d dated for nearly two years—there had to have been some laughter.

“No, we didn’t, and you damn sure didn’t look at me the way you looked at that girl. I’m sorry for slapping you, okay? I just…that’s what I wanted. What you gave to her is what I wanted.”

“You’ll get that, Amanda. There’s someone out there who will give you everything you deserve and more. You deserved more than what I gave you.”

“Damn right I do.” She chuckled. “Anyway, good luck.”

I thanked her and headed to see Dad. Lately, when I arrived, he’d been in bed already. It wasn’t a good visit, and his mumbles were about how his kid was a fuck up.

“Fuu-ck up,” he said. “Ja-x fuu-ck up,” he kept repeating.

I tried my best to ignore it, but when it became too much, I stepped out of his room, pulled up a chair outside of his door, and waited.

I’d wait until he was sleep, then I’d read to him.

Amanda noticed me and frowned, but I was glad when she didn’t approach me.

I didn’t want her comfort. Seriously, I wished Kennedy was sitting beside me to give me that electric shock.

When Dad was asleep, I went back inside the room. He was looking weaker and weaker each visit, and I knew things were on the decline. I did my best not to think about it and read him the chapters for the night. I was getting close to the end of the novel, so I began reading slower.

Funny how I could have a wonderful day then leave the nursing facility feeling drained.

Normally, after my visits, I went home or to the woods.

In the past, I never wanted to be alone, but that was how I felt I had to be.

Recently, I didn’t feel that same tug of loneliness, and if I was going to be alone, I wanted to be alone with her.

I pulled into Kennedy’s driveway and put the truck into park. I headed up to her porch and rang the doorbell. When she answered, she was already in her pajamas, looking beautiful as ever.

“Hey, you.” She smiled. “How was your visit with your dad?”

I shrugged. “I don’t really want to talk about it. I was just hoping I could hang out here for a bit because I didn’t want to go home tonight. My mind is moving a bit fast after seeing the shape he’s in, so I thought maybe I could crash here for a while.”

“Of course, Jax. You never have to ask.”

Before I could walk into her house, she was on the porch wrapping me in her arms, and for the first time in my life, I realized home wasn’t a place, it was a person. When I was lost that night, I ran away to Kennedy, and lucky for me, she let me in.