Page 7 of Healed Hearts (Mended Hearts #2)

Chapter Six

Julian

“ O kay. Thank you for calling. We’ll come right in,” I say, my voice shaky.

I hang up the phone and look at Wren. I have no idea what’s going on, but the fact that they want us to come in to discuss her blood work isn’t a good sign, right? Surely if it was nothing, they would have told me that.

The familiar feeling of an impending anxiety attack starts to wash over me, so I run to the bathroom. Wren doesn’t need to see this again. I scared the hell out of her yesterday at the hospital.

I leave a small crack in the door, just enough that Wren can call for me if she needs me and I’ll hear. Gripping the counter, I try to pull deep breaths into my lungs. C’mon, Julian. Stay calm.

It doesn’t matter how much I talk to myself or breathe, the anxiety is building—constricting my chest like a vice, until I feel like I can’t draw in a deep breath.

Stay calm. It’s okay.

Why do they want me to come to the hospital? What could be wrong with her? Why wouldn’t they just tell me on the phone?

My heart is pounding against my ribs, and my vision goes blurry. I squeeze my eyes closed, trying to block out the panic and the images of Maya in her hospital bed—withering away to nothing.

My grip on the counter is so tight that I’m not at all surprised to find my knuckles are white when I finally open my eyes.

Deep breaths, Julian.

I open the medicine cabinet with shaky hands, my eyes locking on the bottle of antianxiety meds they prescribed me when Maya was dying. I grab them, shoving them into the pocket of my sweats.

Get Wren back to the hospital and you can take one, Julian. Is it cool to make deals like that with myself? No. Probably not, but right now, I’ll do just about anything to trick my brain into calming down so I can get her where she needs to be. I turn on the sink, splashing some cold water on my face. The shock of it seems to pull me back to myself a little more. Okay, good. I hold my hand up, and while there is a slight tremor, it’s nowhere near what it was.

With another steadying breath, I turn on my heel and head back into my bedroom to get Wren ready. History has taught to me to prepare for the worst. So, after I help her put her shoes on, I go into her room to pack her a small bag with a couple of her favorite toys, and a few changes of clothes—just in case.

She seems better today, smiling and laughing, so the thought of something being wrong makes me feel out of control. I can’t even protect my own kid, and that sucks. No one warns you how hard it would be to not have all the answers.

“Wren, we have to go back to the hospital. Are you ready?”

She nods, blinking big brown eyes up at me. “We see Holden, Daddy?”

I know I shouldn’t, but I laugh. It seems the man has us both enamored. She hasn’t stopped talking about him once. Between my own mind, and her little voice saying his name, he’s been a constant presence in my thoughts. “Maybe, baby girl.” I hope so.

Once again, Wren and I are sitting in a hospital room. I somehow managed to make it in here without the need for the pills I have stashed in my pocket, but what I’m seeing on my phone is making not taking one seem more and more unlikely.

The doctor who came in today told us that her CBC came back abnormal. That all her counts were low. It sounded like gibberish through the pounding in my ears when he explained it, so I thought it would be best for me to search some things. Wrong. Because now I’m spiraling. Wren has not a care in the world, playing on the exam table with a doll, but I can’t say the same for myself. And I hate it. Hate that I can’t even handle the smallest fucking things without spiraling into anxiety. I was never like this until Maya got sick.

Note to self: when a doctor tells you that your daughter’s counts are low, do not add that, plus the tiredness, plus the random bruise you still have no explanation for, to your search bar.

I’m about to have a full meltdown about the things I’m reading when the door opens. Wren screeches an excited, “Holden!” and I jump from my seat, practically shoving my phone in his face.

He looks up at me in alarm, and I realize how fucking crazy I look right now. Genuinely, I do. But something about Holden feels trustworthy, and he’s a medical professional, and we have a connection—at least I feel like we do. God knows I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. “Does she have cancer?” I blurt out, not slowing long enough to even allow him to answer me. “Is that why you all called us back here? The doctor told us stuff, but I didn’t understand it, so I started searching and all this stuff is, well, look at it,” I say, waving my phone in front of his face, so quickly he has no hope of seeing what’s on the screen. “Her mom had cancer. Do you think that’s why? I read that it can be a genetic thing. Is that true? Holy shit. Is she going to die?” My voice cracks at the end, the fear taking my breath and my ability to speak.

Holden’s eyes are wide with shock for a second, but he recovers quickly. “Sit.”

I don’t have it in me to deny him. I wouldn’t want to. Plus, I’m freaking the fuck out, and he’s this steady calm and I kind of need that right now. So, I do what he says and sit down.

“Give me your phone,” he says, holding his hand out to me. I blink at him, confused.

“Why?”

He arches a brow at me. “Now, Julian. Phone.” I place it in his hand, and he skims the page before blacking out the screen and sliding it into his pocket.

“Why did you do that?” I ask.

“Because you’re freaking out. Hasn’t anyone ever told you not to look at Doctor Google?” His lips are tipped up in a smirk, and it makes warmth flood my stomach.

I shake my head. “No, I guess not,” I mumble, something about his expression calming me down.

Holden kneels in front of me. “Doctor Google is bad, Julian,” he says, staring into my eyes. I really need him to stop doing that, or I’m going to fall in love.

Wren giggles, and we both turn our attention to her at the same time. “Hello, Miss Wren. How are you doing today?” he asks her. You can hear the smile in his voice. Look, I know it’s his job to do this, but he’s so confident and competent with her, and it’s all… ugh. It’s literally his job to be, Julian. Get it together.

“Good,” Wren says, lifting her doll to show him.

“Ooo. She’s so pretty. She has beautiful curls like you do.” I watch, transfixed, as Wren touches her hair and gives him a blinding smile. “Give me just a minute to talk to your daddy, and we’ll play with her together, okay?”

She nods at him with bright, happy eyes.

Holden turns back to me with a soft smile that makes my stomach flip. No. He really can’t be this attractive. I won’t be able to manage.

“Okay. First off. I would like to apologize to you. It was low of me to act like I didn’t know who you were.” So he was pretending like he didn’t know me. “To be fair, I was freaking out because you… well, you kinda… actually, that doesn’t matter. I’m awkward,” he says with a self-deprecating chuckle. It matters to me, but I get the feeling he’s not going to finish his thought, even if I ask him to.

He clears his throat. “And second off. We don’t look at our phones for medical diagnoses. Yes, Wren’s blood work came back a little off. I don’t want to scare you, but yes, leukemia is a possibility. I’m hopeful that’s not the case because we didn’t see any blast cells, which is really common with leukemia.”

I let out a huge breath of relief. “But,” he continues. “There definitely is something going on, and we will need to run more tests. We want to rule out other things before we go freaking out about cancer, okay? Many things can cause these symptoms and the low blood counts.”

I find myself nodding, completely captivated by the confident way he talks, the way he holds himself. He smiles at me, giving my thigh a gentle pat as he stands. The touch was fleeting, but I felt it all the way to my toes. What is it about this man that gets me so fucked up inside?

He pulls my phone from his pocket and holds it out to me. “Unlock it for me?” I do as he asks and hand it back to him. Green eyes sparkle as he types for a second before handing it back to me. I reach up to grab it, but he doesn’t let go. “Promise you won’t use the internet for medical research?”

I find it surprisingly easy to agree. “Yeah, I promise.”

The smile I get in return pretty much guarantees I’ll do anything he asks of me. Holy hell, I’m in way over my head here.

“Great,” he says. “I saved my number in your phone. If you have questions, or you’re freaking out, text me, and I’ll try to help explain things.”

I feel my eyes widen. He gave me his phone number? “Thank you,” I force myself to say.

“No problem. Now, let’s get Wren here taken care of. I believe I promised some doll playing. Let’s ask Daddy some questions while we play, yeah?” he asks as he steps closer to Wren and sits beside her on the exam table, picking up the doll sitting next to her. He smiles down at her, and my heart skips a whole beat in my chest. Maybe I’m the one who needs medical attention. I wonder if he works with adults too. Nope, shut that down.

I clear my throat and he turns to me. “So, what’s Wren’s diet like? Plenty of fruits and veggies?”

“She’s not a picky eater. She eats anything I put in front of her. So, yeah, dinner usually has at least one, sometimes two vegetables. And she usually has fruit with breakfast.”

Holden smiles. “Oh, that is so good! I bet that’s really yummy, huh?” he asks, turning his attention back to her. She nods at him, a slight smile on her lips and a dusty pink flush on her cheeks.

“She eats a pretty well-rounded diet, honestly. The only thing she doesn’t care for is broccoli, but she will eat it if I give her ranch or cheese sauce.”

Holden’s nose scrunches up, and he turns back to Wren. “Couldn’t talk me into eating broccoli even if you covered it in chocolate.” He ends his sentence with a wink at her, and she lights up, her giggle filling the room.

After asking me about five hundred questions about our daily lives, any strange things I’ve noticed with her or her health, and all our food and drink habits, Holden turns to me. “We’re going to run some more tests. Right now, I think their focus is on autoimmune disorders and vitamin deficiencies. These types of results are pretty common with B12 and folate deficiencies.”

“What would that mean?” I ask. “That she’s not getting what she needs? Like I’m not providing for her properly?” Holden’s shaking his head before I’m even done speaking, but it doesn’t do much to stem the guilt trying to build inside me.

“No. That can be the case, but judging by the way you’re telling me she eats, that’s not likely to be the issue. We’ll know more once we get some additional blood work done.” He hesitates, looking at me for a second before asking, “Are you going to be okay today to hold her? Or do you want me to hold her and get someone else in here to do the blood draw?”

There’s no judgement in his voice. He’s simply asking a genuine question, but I feel heat creeping up my cheeks anyway. Having a panic attack in front of him was definitely not the precedent I wanted to set, but some things can’t be helped. “If you had asked me after I got done looking at—what did you call it? Doctor Google? I would have definitely been freaking out.” A soft smile spreads across his face, and my breath catches in my throat. My god, he is breathtaking. “But,” I force myself to continue. “You’ve made me feel a lot better, so I think I can handle it.”

He nods. “Okay, perfect,” he says. His face turns more serious before he drops his voice. “It’s not a bad thing if you can’t handle it. I’d imagine it would be difficult to see your daughter being poked and prodded after everything else you’ve been through.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate you saying that. As odd as it sounds, it’s actually helped to have you be the one to take care of her. I don’t know why, but…” My voice trails off.

He grins. “Well, good. Then you won’t have any problems having my back if anyone asks if you specifically requested I handle Wren’s care.”

I blink at him. “What do you mean?”

Holden chuckles softly, sounding a little embarrassed. “I may have panicked a bit when I heard you were here and told my boss that you specifically requested me to take care of Wren.”

What? Why would he do that? I stare at him, trying to figure out why he would go out of his way and lie about something like that. Truth be told, though, if I had thought about it, I would have requested him. I clear my throat. “I’m happy to keep your secret.”

He winks at me, and it damn near stops my heart. He holds his hands out to Wren, and I smile when she doesn’t even hesitate to reach for him and let him pick her up. “Let’s give you to Daddy and get you all taken care of so we can get you home. How’s that sound?” he asks her.

“More stickers?” she questions, her face serious and her eyes locked onto his.

“Yes, ma’am. More stickers, for sure.” She grins at that, clearly pleased with the prize she knows she’s about to get. He closes the distance between us and passes Wren to me. Our hands brush as he makes the transfer, and it feels like a live wire under my skin.

His eyes flash, like he felt it too, but he steps back and says, “I’m gonna go grab the stuff I need. You all get comfortable, and I’ll be right back.”

I follow him with my eyes as he walks out of the room. Wren pats me on the chest to get my attention, and I look down at her. “I like Holden, Daddy.”

You and me both, baby girl. You and me both.

Wren is napping on my chest when I get a call from the hospital. Anxiety spikes, but I answer quickly. “Hello. This is Julian Foster.”

“Hi, Julian.” Holden.

I feel my entire body relax. “I wanted to call and let you know that Wren has a folate deficiency. I wasn’t really expecting that because of how well she eats, but I wanted to call and let you know you didn’t need to worry. Dr. Mays is sending a prescription for a supplement to the pharmacy for you. And we want you back in a week to test her levels. We want to be sure they’re rising like they should be.”

“Will you be there?” I ask, cringing immediately.

Holden giggles. Full-on fucking giggles . Holy fuck. My stomach swoops right as he says, “Yes, of course. Can’t let my favorite little patient go without me.” He may as well have dumped ice water on my head. Of course he doesn’t want to take care of Wren because of me . She’s his patient. I’m a complete moron. One shared night does not make a connection—no matter how amazing it was in the moment.

“Right, of course.” I hope my voice sounds unaffected, but I’m not sure I manage.

“This is good news, Julian,” he says softly. “We’ll get her on this medication and she’ll start to feel better. You’ll have to bring her to see me when she’s back to feeling good. I’ll miss seeing you guys, otherwise.” And just like that, my stomach is flipping again. He probably doesn’t mean anything by it, though.

“Thank you so much for all your help. You’ve been wonderful with her.” And me, but I leave that part out.

“Absolutely. That’s what I’m here for. And remember, no Doctor Google. If you have questions, reach out to me.”

“Thank you,” I say again. Honestly, I sound a bit like a broken record, but I can’t help that this man scrambles my brain.

“Okay, so, I’ll let you go, and we’ll see you back next week.”

“Perfect,” I say, smiling to myself. “See you then.”

As soon as I hang up the phone with him, I call Ruby.

“Hey, Julian.”

“Hey, I just got an update from the hospital. Wren is deficient in folate. So they’re going to send a script to the pharmacy for a supplement. Holden seems pretty sure it will make her feel better soon.”

“Holden, huh?” she snorts.

Heat creeps up my cheeks, and I laugh nervously. “Yeah, he’s, um, he’s her nurse.” She chuckles. I know she thinks she knows something, and for now, I’ll let her have it. Because, truthfully? She might actually know something. Good parents are so damn perceptive. It’s annoying as hell. “They want her back next week to test again to make sure the levels are rising like they should be.”

“You’re such a good dad to my granddaughter, Julian. Maya would be so proud of you.” I smile at the fondness in her voice. Not just for her late daughter, but also for me. I was terrified when I found out Maya was pregnant, but I think I’m doing alright with the dad thing. Although it sucks that I somehow dropped the ball, and she ended up sick because of me. I guess I need to be more aware of what I’m feeding her.

We chat for a few more minutes, and I tell her I’ll make sure to update her after our follow-up.

“Also,” she adds. “I know you, and don’t you dare blame yourself for her being sick.” Ugh. Perceptive parents.