Page 17 of Healed Hearts (Mended Hearts #2)

Chapter Sixteen

Julian

A s Beck’s words register in my brain, I let out a loud laugh. “Did he just call you a chaos twink ?”

Holden groans. “I’m going to fucking kill him.” He pulls me into a bedroom and closes the door behind us.

“I think it’s cute. You don’t seem all that chaotic to me, though.”

Holden turns to me with a grin. “I think he calls me that because when he first met me, he thought I was dating Ro, and it made him jealous. But now it’s apparently a thing. He called me CT for months before I finally figured out what it meant.”

Holden pulls my shirt over his head and tosses it onto his bed. Heat pools in my lower stomach and all my blood rushes south. Fuck me, he is… exquisite. He doesn’t even seem to notice the effect he has on me, standing in front of me in just a pair of skintight boxer briefs, the swell of his cock visible through the thin fabric. He’s slim, but not overly so. He’s all lean muscles and soft skin, and I never want to stop looking at him.

“Julian?”

“Huh?” I ask, pulling my eyes back to his face.

He smirks at me. “Got a little drool there,” he says, touching the corner of his mouth. I bring my hand up, mirroring his movement, and he giggles. “You don’t actually have any drool. We don’t have to go on a date, you know? We can stay in,” he whispers, his voice a sultry purr that shoots straight to my half-hard cock.

He steps into my space and runs a finger down my chest, his green eyes burning into mine. My throat bobs with a heavy swallow as his seeking finger delves lower. His eyes are full to brimming with emotion, his pupils wide. My cock swells at the look in his eyes. It’s way harder than it has any right to be to grab his hand in mine and pull it away from me. His gaze shutters, an indifferent mask taking the place of the expression he was giving me a second ago. I clear my throat. “Date first, then we can come back to this.”

He nods, but I can tell he’s not happy about it. “Hey, darlin’, I’m thoroughly caught, okay?” I say, my voice gentle. Fuck, I hope this doesn’t go badly. I lean down and touch my nose to his. “You don’t have to use sex to seduce me or make me want you. Trust, my cock is hard enough to pound nails. But you deserve a good date, and I want to give you that.”

He nods, his nose brushing mine with the movement. He draws in a sharp breath. “Do you think you could kiss me, though?” he whispers. “I really enjoy it and…” His words trail off. There’s so much vulnerability in his voice that it makes my heart clench painfully. Fuck, this man is going to undo me.

I slot my lips over his. He lets out a breathy moan the second our lips touch, and while I try hard to keep it chaste, it doesn’t stay that way. He grips my shirt in both his fists, something I’ve noticed he does a lot, and steps fully into my space, pressing his body to mine and trapping his hands between us.

“Julian,” he whispers against my lips, and my stomach flips. Oh fuck. Him whispering my name like that? I’m so fucked. I take a chance and lean down, hooking my arms under his thighs and lift him into my arms. He releases his grip on my shirt and wraps his arms around my neck, not once breaking our kiss. His cock is pressed against my stomach. I want him so badly, I almost can’t breathe with it, but I promised him a date. Proving to him I’m not out to hurt him is important to me. I want him to trust in that—trust in me . I slowly break our kiss. He stares into my eyes, the intensity in the green taking my breath away. I’m falling in love with him so fast. I think I have been since that very first night.

He’s definitely not ready to hear it yet.

“Get dressed and let’s go out,” I whisper, my voice rough.

Holden nods, a little dazed. I set him back on his feet, and he stumbles toward the closet. My lips tilt up into a smile. He turns to me once he’s standing in the closet. “What should I wear?” he asks.

“Um, anything you want? Why do you ask?”

He shrugs, turning back to the clothes. “I wasn’t sure where you were taking me and if I should dress a certain way.”

Truth be told, I have no idea where I’m taking him. I probably should have thought about it before now. “Anything you pick will be fine, I’m sure. You’re going to look perfect no matter what.” I can see the pink flush taking over his cheeks from where I’m standing. “Hey, I’ve gotta run to the bathroom. I’ll be right back, okay?”

He pauses his exploration to give me a smile and a thumbs up.

I head out of the room, shutting the door behind me, and haul ass into the living room to find Roman and Beck. Kind of stupid of me to not have at least an idea of what to do for a date, but here we are, and I’m not above calling in reinforcements. When I step into the living room, the two of them are sitting on the couch, wrapped up in each other, talking softly. Roman notices me first, turning to me with a grin. “Did he already run you off?” he asks.

“No. I need help.”

Roman sits up abruptly, and Beck’s face turns murderous. “What did you do?” Beck asks.

I hold my hands up in supplication. “Um, nothing? I need date ideas.”

Roman smiles at me. “I don’t think Hold’s ever actually been on a date. But he’s simple overall. He won’t want a lot of fanfare or anything crazy. A nice dinner would be best, I think.”

Beck is still glaring at me, and it’s a little unsettling. Holden said he was overprotective, but this seems a bit much given the situation. “Are you the one?” he asks, his eyes narrowed at me.

“The one?” I ask, my confusion evident.

Beck nods like I should understand what that means. “A few weeks ago, he went out and hooked up with someone. Were you the one?”

I’m not sure that I know the right answer, and I really didn’t come in here for this. I want to make a good impression on his friends, but I’m also not going to let them treat Holden like he’s a child incapable of making his own choices. He clearly laid his boundaries out to me, and from what I can tell, has no problem enforcing them. “I was. Is that a problem?” I ask, standing a little taller, crossing my arms over my chest.

Beck’s entire body relaxes, his face going from anger to relief in a split-second. “Thank God,” he murmurs.

Roman turns to him. “I could have told you that, you damn idiot. What are you so mad about?”

“Not mad. Worried, beautiful. But I feel a lot better now.” I allow my stance to relax. Beck turns back to me. “Thank you.”

I have a feeling I know what he’s thanking me for. I also know it’s none of his business, and I’m not going to tell them anything that Holden has told me in confidence. “Well, I’m not going to keep him waiting. Thanks for the tip, Roman. Beck, you were wholly unhelpful, but thanks anyway, I guess.”

I turn on my heel and head down the hallway to the sound of Roman’s booming laughter and his softly spoken, “He’s gonna handle Hold just fine.”

Damn right, I am.

Holden is staring at his menu, but I’m staring at him . Fuck, he’s so… everything, really. His eyes are lined with smudgy black liner, making the green pop against his tanned skin. The white crop top he’s wearing that shows off his belly button ring is a crime against my cock, which is being strangled in my jeans.

He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth as his eyes scan the menu. He does a little dance in his seat, like he can’t sit still. When he lifts his eyes and meets mine, I almost fall out of my chair. “I’ve never been here. The menu is huge. What’s good?”

“Everything,” I say, patting my stomach like it’s proof. His eyes drop to follow the movement and his lips part, his pupils dilating. Oh. He really does like that. Huh.

“Okay. Order for me, then,” he mumbles, closing the menu and setting it down on the table.

When the server comes to the table, she asks what we’d like to drink, offering to get a wine list for us. I look at Holden, inclining my head to silently ask him if he wants anything. “You can, if you’d like, but I don’t drink.”

I did occasionally before I had Wren, but I haven’t since I found out Maya was pregnant, so I shake my head. “Water for me.”

“I’ll have the same,” Holden says.

“Sounds great, guys. Can I get you started with an appetizer?”

I open my mouth to ask Holden if wants one, but before I can, he says, “No, thank you.”

The server walks away, and Holden stares after her. “Are you okay?” I ask.

“Yeah, I wanted her to go away. She couldn’t stop staring at you. She didn’t even look at me once.” His petulant tone is slightly adorable, but his eyes are green fire, burning right through me.

“Interesting,” I muse.

“What is?” he asks.

“You’re jealous.”

His jaw drops open. “I am not!”

“You are a little, though, darlin’, and that’s okay. But you have no reason to be. I couldn’t even tell you what color her hair was.”

“Blonde,” he says with a huff and an eye roll.

I chuckle. “You’re missing the point.”

“What’s the point?” he asks.

“That I didn’t notice because I haven’t been able to take my eyes off you one time since you’ve sat down across from me.”

That gets his attention. “Really?” he asks softly. It’s so strange seeing the flip from his overly confident front to the vulnerability that lurks underneath.

“Yes, really. You’re breathtaking, truly.”

The corner of his lips turn up as he glances down at his lap. When his eyes meet mine, the caustic jealousy from before has fled, leaving only sweet contentment in its place.

“I’m very thankful to be here with you tonight. I feel like I’m easily the luckiest man in the world,” I say, meaning it wholeheartedly.

His cheeks flush, the sight making my heart flutter in my throat. So fucking perfect.

After the server comes back and brings our drinks, she takes our order, and we talk about everything and nothing—about our lives, parenting, funny stories he has with Roman, the easy way he and Beck tease each other, what specifically I do for work, our childhoods, and the hard things we’ve been through. We talk all the way through the evening, our food growing cold on our plates as we ramble on and on. His smiles light up the room and me—the easy conversation settling in my soul and tugging on my heart.

By the time we’ve decided we’re ready to head home and I pay the bill, my cheeks are aching from how hard I’ve been laughing and how many smiles he’s pulled out of me. His cheeks have been flushed for the better part of the last half hour, and his eyes are lit up with happiness. My heart is tumbling around my chest. He’s never looked more beautiful to me than he does right now, happy and carefree and enjoying himself. I know I’ve already said it, but fuck, he’s everything.

As we stand from the table, he slips his hand into mine without thought, still talking animatedly about his job and how much he loves working with kids. How he wants a big family one day because he knows he can give to a family what was not given to him with his. On the way to the car, his topic changes to Wren and how much he cares about her, how sweet she is, and how much he enjoys spending time with her. The smile and sincerity in his voice as he says it makes a piece of my heart fall right out of my chest and land at his feet.

I cut him off with my lips on his, unable to resist for even a second longer. He whimpers, tugging me toward him and clinging to me. “I’m not going anywhere, darlin’,” I whisper.

“I know,” he murmurs, making my heart fucking soar. “But I might. I might float right the fuck away. I’m so glad I waited for you. I’m so glad Roman told me to wait.”

Oh fuck. I push him against the car, bracketing him with my body. He tenses for a second, so I break the kiss, but he uses his grip on me to pull me back, moaning low in his throat when our lips connect again.

We kiss until my lips are sore, until my body is so on edge that it feels like the slightest breeze will send me over.

“What’s wrong?” I whisper when I pull back, slightly alarmed to see that his eyes are glassy with unshed tears. Did I miss something? Did I trigger him?

“Nothing,” he murmurs. “It’s just so… much. Why is it so much? I don’t understand.” The confusion in his voice tears at my heart, and I pull him in close to me, wrapping my arms around him. He buries his face in my chest, inhaling shuddering breaths. I think he’s kept emotion so far from his sex life for so long, understandably so, that he’s overwhelmed by his feelings.

“Bad too much?” I ask softly.

He shakes his head against me. “Come on. Let me take you home.”

He pulls away and looks up at me. “I don’t want to leave yet, though.”

That pouty bottom lip will be the death of me. “It’s a good thing I mean my home then, huh?” He smiles at me, nodding. “Perfect,” I whisper, dropping my lips to his and sharing a kiss full of happiness and smiles with him.

I walk him around to the passenger side of the car and hold the door for him. He smiles, and I hustle back to the driver’s side. When I climb in, I start the car, drop the e-brake and shift into reverse, turning in my seat to look behind me as I back out. When I put the car into first and take off, he makes a soft noise. I glance at him as I shift into second. “Everything alright?”

He nods, his eyes glued to my hand as I move through the gears. “Why is that so sexy? Watching you drive?”

I chuckle. “It’s not that impressive. You drove my car. It’s not like it’s something I can do and you can’t,” I point out.

“Yeah, but… your hands,” he murmurs.

He shifts in his seat, and my throat goes dry when I glance over and see the outline of his dick in his tight jeans. Nope, eyes back on the road, Julian . It’s hard to focus, though, as he moves back and forth in the seat. I can feel his eyes on me and that might be the most distracting part of all—that I’m turning him on, and I’m not even doing anything but sitting here.

A soft moan echoes through the car, and I glance over for a split second, just long enough to see that he’s massaging his erection through his jeans.

“Oh Jesus,” I whisper, white-knuckling the steering wheel, my cock throbbing at the thought of him bringing himself pleasure in my passenger seat.

He lets out another soft groan. I have zero idea what possesses me to do it. Maybe a death wish. Maybe temporary insanity, but I glance at him again and say, “Take yourself out, darlin’.”

He freezes for a second, and I worry I’ve overstepped, but then he’s scrambling to unbutton and unzip his jeans. We let out simultaneous moans when his cock springs free. “Now what?” he asks breathlessly. There’s a hint of fear there too. This feels like a test, like he’s giving me something special, seeing how I treat it. I have no intention of fucking it up.

“Stroke yourself,” I whisper. “Slowly.”

He whines, but I see his arm moving out of the corner of my eye. My cock throbs in time with my rapid heartbeat. “Like this?” he murmurs. I glance at him again to see his hand slowly moving up and down his cock, giving it a little twist at the top of each stroke. I groan at the sight, my hips thrusting up into absolutely nothing. Fucking hell.

“Yeah, that’s perfect.” The only thing not perfect about it is that I don’t get to watch him, so when I see a side road ahead, I turn on my blinker and pull off onto it.

He pauses his movements and his voice is shaky, more fear than anything else, when he says, “Julian. I… I can play this game, or you can touch me, but not both. I can’t handle both. I’m sorry.” He sounds genuinely upset about that.

“Holden, I will never want you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. If I can’t touch, that’s fine. I only pulled over to watch, anyway.”

He nods rapidly—the fear leaving his expression, and desire taking over again in an instant.