Page 12 of Healed Hearts (Mended Hearts #2)

Chapter Eleven

Holden

T wo for two, Hold. Two for fucking two. Awkward handshakes. Falling asleep on Julian. I roll my eyes at myself as I walk through the parking lot. I can’t get rid of the smile on my face, though. Ugh.

I really didn’t mean to fall asleep on him, and I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been coming off working five days in a row. Five twelves back to back and then being woken up in the middle of the night? I probably could have fallen asleep standing up.

Truthfully, after my confrontation with Doctor Asshole, I needed comfort, and since the normal people I go to for comfort weren’t available, I used Julian. Was it fair to do that without his permission? Ugh, definitely not. And then to wake up in his lap? Snuggling into his stomach? He probably thinks I’m a damn weirdo. But I slept really well. Like really fucking well. What is it about that man? It’s most likely the dad thing, right? Like he just feels safe. But then again, I didn’t know he was a dad the first time I crashed out on him.

Speaking of the normal people I go to for comfort, it’s probably a miracle they haven’t realized I’m gone yet. I pull my phone from my pocket and glance at the time. It’s just after 8:00 a.m, so they most likely think I’m still asleep—if they’re even up themselves.

I climb into Julian’s car and take off toward his house to grab mine. I’m glad he agreed to let me come back. I don’t know what I was thinking, giving myself that permission. It’s like a weird ache in my chest, though. I can’t help it. I want to be around them.

My stomach flutters, so I press a hand to it, trying to stem the feeling.

By the time I’ve transferred Wren’s car seat to my car and started the drive back home, I’m feeling more stable. Less anxious about the situation I woke up in, and more excited to get back to the hospital. God, Wren was so bad off last night. I was trying to stay calm, so I didn’t freak Julian out, but it’s a good thing he called me when he did.

I like him. My stomach flutters again. Oh shit, I like him.

When I pull into the driveway at home, I’m a nervous wreck. I need to get in, change clothes, and get out without raising any suspicion. I step into the house and pause, listening closely. I don’t hear anything, so I rush down the hallway. I’m staring at the ground when I collide with Roman. I lift my eyes on instinct as he lets out a little grunt and stumbles backward.

“Holy shit, Hold. You just about tackled me.” I laugh, but it’s loud and all wrong. He looks at me, his head cocked to the side, assessing. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m alright,” I get out.

He studies me. “Why are you running so early in the morning? Hot date?” he asks with a smirk.

That’s entirely too close to the truth, and not at all the truth. “No. Of course not. Why would you ask that?”

He narrows his eyes. “You’re acting strange.”

“I’m acting totally normal,” I defend, trying to step past him to get to my room. Nothing to see here. Move along.

Thankfully he lets me, but I can feel his eyes on me as I slip into my room and close the door. “Holy shit,” I mutter to myself, trying to calm my racing heart. I don’t waste time, though. I head to my closet and pull out a pair of comfortable jeans and a t-shirt. I strip quickly, leaving my clothes on the closet floor, and change. I’ve already been away from the hospital for too long, and I don’t want to miss anything. Honestly, I don’t trust Dr. Mays as far as I can throw him. I’ve got half a mind to ask that Wren’s case be assigned to someone else, but that would cross many lines that I have no business crossing.

As soon as I’m dressed, I take off again. I do not pass go. I do not collect $200. Hell, I don’t even stop for eyeliner. I peek down the hall both ways to see if I’m about to be blindsided, then I sprint to the front door. I grab the handle, thinking I’m home free, when Roman’s voice stops me.

“Holden James Nash. Where the fuck are you going at a full sprint?”

I turn, glaring at him. “You did not just full name me!”

He grins. “Oh, I so did. Where’s the fire? Where are you going?”

I wave my hands around, like that explains everything. “To the hospital.”

He raises an eyebrow at me. “You’re not scheduled to work. And even if you picked up a shift, you’re not dressed for work.”

Ugh. “What are you? The clothes police?”

He lets out a shocked laugh. I pull my bottom lip between my teeth, biting down hard to keep myself from laughing with him because honestly, this is ridiculous. Why am I trying to sneak out? I’m a fucking grown-up. “Hold, is there something going on I should be worried about?” he asks once he manages to stop laughing.

“Nope. Everything’s fine.”

He stares at me for a few minutes, before a smile spreads across his face. I don’t like it. He looks like he knows too much. “Am I to assume this is a hospital trip that Beck doesn’t need to be aware of?”

“Can you even keep secrets from Beck?” I ask, chuckling at the absurdity of that.

“Of course,” he says, tone serious. “For you? Always.”

I nod. Of the two of them, Beck is very much the overprotective type, and I’d rather him not know what’s going on just yet. Hell, I don’t even know if there’s anything going on. I think I’d like for there to be, possibly, but I barely even understand my own feelings. And that’s not even taking Julian’s into account, if he has any at all, besides taking care of his daughter. “Then yes, please. I’ll talk about it. Eventually. But not right now. Right now, I have to go.”

He crosses the room quickly, pulling me into a tight hug. Ugh, I love him, but if he doesn’t let me go, I’m going to scream. And possibly tackle him on purpose. “I love you, Hold. Be safe. Let me know if you need me.”

I huff an irritated sound that has him chuckling. “I love you too, Ro. But if you don’t let go of me…” I let my voice trail off, the threat unnecessary to voice.

He drops his arms and I turn for the door. His laugh follows me all the way down the driveway. I give zero fucks. He can laugh all he wants. I’ve got somewhere to be.

When I step into Wren’s room, I almost stumble over my feet at the sight that greets me. Julian is sitting on the bed with Wren on his lap, and she’s got him half-covered in stickers. It might be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

He catches my eye and smiles at me. “Look who’s here, baby girl,” he says to Wren, who turns to look. Her grin is huge as she climbs off Julian’s lap and slides to the floor, before running across the room and wrapping her arms around my legs. I’ve never seen her so energetic and it makes my heart happy. I hope we can figure out what’s going on soon. But I’ll be damned if I let anyone try to act like this is a folate deficiency.

I lean down to pick her up. “Look at you up and moving around. Do you feel better?” I ask.

She nods. “I throwed up.”

Oh. That’s… “Huh?” I ask.

Julian chuckles. “My guess is it’s because of the way she scarfed her food down in minutes. You weren’t gone for five minutes, and she covered herself, me, and the nurse who had come to check her vitals.”

Guilt makes my stomach sink. “I shouldn’t have brought her that for breakfast. That’s my bad. I’m sorry, Wren.” She cocks her head at me like she doesn’t really understand why I’m apologizing, and of course, she doesn’t. But it’s my fault. I was so excited that she was hungry, and maybe a little eager to get away from Julian and collect myself, that I didn’t even think about it.

“Holden,” Julian says, and I lift my gaze to his. His eyes are warm, sincere, and my God, it sends butterflies through my stomach. “She’s fine. She ate a bunch after barely eating for days. It probably would have happened no matter what it was. Surely you know this and aren’t blaming yourself, Mr. Competent?”

“Mr. Competent?” I ask, not even able to focus on the other stuff because what?

Julian chuckles. “You must know how good you are at your job.”

“Yeah,” Wren echoes, her tiny fingers playing with the neckline of my shirt.

I nod slowly. “Yeah, I mean. I’m not bad. But I still should have gotten her something lighter.”

“Come here,” Julian says, and my feet move without even getting input from my brain. He taps the side of the bed and I sit down with Wren still hanging on me like a little spider monkey. “Thank you for bringing her food. Thank you for fighting for her last night. And thank you for bailing my sorry butt out and helping me keep it together long enough to even make sure she got the help she needed.”

I glance down at Wren, slightly uncomfortable with all the thanks. I was only doing my job. He called for help, like I told him to, and I helped like I said I would. “You’re welcome,” I mumble.

“They’re letting us go home.”

I sigh. “Is Dr. Mays still convinced it’s a folate deficiency?”

“No, actually. They drew a bunch of blood and are going to run some more tests, but they said her something levels were normal and she should be fine to go home.”

I smirk. “Her something levels?”

“Hey, I’m not the nurse here. Clearly. My medical knowledge comes from Doctor Google, and a very competent pediatric nurse recently informed me that’s not a good source of information. I guess I’ll have to keep him around.”

I dart my eyes to his. He’s got a grin on his face, and he’s watching me curiously. Is he flirting with me? A manic laugh is pushing at me and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep it inside where it belongs. I take a breath, trying to gather my wits. “Maybe you should.”

His eyes widen almost imperceptibly. But then he nods. “Yeah, maybe I will. If he wants to be kept around, that is.”

I feel like we’re dancing around something more than just this playful back and forth, but I’m too scared to ask, in case we’re not. Maybe he doesn’t actually like me. It could be that he only wants me around because I’m good at my job and I can help Wren. Which would be okay, I guess. Except the thought makes my stomach hurt. Like I’m no better than I was at sixteen, still being used, but now it’s because of my job and not because of my body.

“Would you maybe… I know you’re going to take us home, but would you wanna stay for dinner tonight?”

It’s ten thirty in the morning, and he’s asking me if I want to stay for dinner? Like he wants me to stay the whole day? I need more information. “You want me to come back later? Like tonight? Or…?”

He gives me a confused look, his face falling a little. “Sure, if that’s what you want to do. Or you can, um, stay through the whole day and go home after dinner, if you want.”

“Like to keep an eye on Wren?” I ask. I hate to put it out there like that, but I need to know. I can’t allow myself to get any deeper in… whatever this is, if I’m being used as an off-duty nurse. No matter how much I enjoy Wren, I can’t do that to myself. At the sound of her name, she giggles, laying her head against my chest and playing with the hem of my shirt.

Julian’s eyes drop, the corner of his lips turned up as he watches her. He doesn’t answer immediately, and my stomach drops like a lead weight. I like him. Fuck, I like him . Which is… terrifying, a bit. And what if he doesn’t like me back? What if he’s only concerned about Wren and doesn’t actually want me , the person?

“Of course not. I mean, she will be there,” he finally says after a long pause. “But I was kind of hoping you’d want to spend the day lounging around with me, and then I’d like to make you dinner.”

“Okay,” I murmur, my heart suddenly thrumming harder in my chest. “Yeah.”

Julian’s shoulders drop, and he lets out a sharp breath. “Great. Well, they’ve already discharged us, but I didn’t want to tell you that until I convinced you to hang out with me today,” he says, grinning. “I told them we had to wait for our ride to leave.”

“Okay, let’s get this show on the road then,” I say, standing up. I don’t even think about the fact that I’m still holding Wren until we’re about to walk through the main doors of the hospital. “Oh. I’m sure you want your daughter back.”

“Nah, you can keep hold of her. She seems quite content where she is.” And he’s not wrong—she really does. She’s still resting her head against me, not a care in the world. As we step through the door, Julian’s hand lands on my lower back. A shiver races through my body at the contact.

He pulls his hand away, mumbling a quiet, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” I really think he should have. I’m thinking that some part of him should always be touching me, but that’s a little scary to admit, so I tell him it’s fine before leading the way to my car.

The second we walked into the house, Wren took off to her room to play. She didn’t even spare either of us a glance. As soon as she crossed the threshold, she was off like a shot. And now, Julian and I are sitting on the couch listening to her play and giggle to herself.

“She seems like a really happy kid,” I say, turning my body to face him as I pull a knee up and tuck it against my chest.

He watches me for a second before he nods. “Yeah, she really is.”

This is awkward, right? Am I the only one who finds this really awkward? What the hell. I’m saved from having to figure out small talk when Wren comes barreling into the room. “Wanna watch a movie, Daddy?” Her little voice is so sweet that there’s no way in hell he’s going to deny her. God knows I couldn’t.

He looks at me. “Is that alright?”

I shrug, playing it up. “Depends. What are we going to watch?”

“Frozen?” Wren suggests, and judging by Julian’s groan, he’s not down for that.

“You know Disney has other movies besides Frozen, right?” he asks, exasperation clear in his voice.

Wren ignores him in favor of spinning in circles, singing Let it Go at the top of her lungs. My lord, how does someone so small create such a loud sound? I grin at Julian. “I think we have to watch Frozen.”

“Fine, fine. Frozen it is.” Wren immediately stops singing. I giggle, unable to help it. She just played him so badly. The indulgent smile he gives her proves he knows and doesn’t even care. I have no room to judge. I would have folded too.

She climbs on the couch between us, settling in, eyes glued to the TV as Julian gets the movie pulled up for us. I settle in too. I won’t admit it out loud, but I also love Frozen.

Wren sings along to every single song, giggling and sometimes even kicking her feet to the beat as she does. When Olaf says his iconic line about being impaled, she lets out a peal of laughter so loud that it makes me laugh too. Fuck, she’s adorable. As the movie goes on, she runs out of steam, her body slumping slowly closer and closer to me until she lifts my arm, clearly wanting me to hold her. As soon as I do and settle my hand on the couch, she’s leaning into me, melting against my side.

I turn toward Julian to find him already watching us. He’s looking at me like I’m something special. It would be easy enough to explain it away. To tell myself that it’s because Wren’s his daughter. When his eyes lock with mine, though, the intensity in his gaze makes my heart race.

We stare into each other’s eyes for a long moment. I break first, turning my attention back to the TV. I have to swallow hard a few times, my stomach doing somersaults and my heart pounding furiously in my chest.

Looking down, I notice that Julian’s hand is resting on the couch, no more than an inch from mine. I chance a teeny glance up at him, but his gaze is glued to the movie.

I redirect my attention to the screen, my stomach going absolutely haywire as I slowly inch my hand across the couch toward his. Okay, so it’s actually centimetering. Yes, I know that’s not a real word. Jesus Christ, Holden . It’s not that serious. Grab the man’s hand.

But it is that serious because I’m a nervous wreck.

Finally, I get my hand close enough to his that our pinkies brush. I have to fight back a gasp at the contact. I glance down again, staring at the tiny connection between our bodies, before looking up quickly. He’s laser focused on the TV, his expression completely neutral, which is honestly good. I’m already nervous enough, which is so stupid. It’s not like I haven’t held someone’s hand before. Hell, I used to hold Roman’s hand all the time.

He slowly twists his wrist until his hand is palm up, resting on the couch. I swallow hard, trying like hell to work up the courage to just fucking do it already. I take a deep breath and lift my hand, then slide my fingers through his.