Page 44 of Healed Hearts (Mended Hearts #2)

Chapter Forty-Three

Holden

“ W ren, I know you love the tablet Daddy got you, but if you don’t put it down and get in the car right now, I’m going to take it away.” Julian sounds absolutely put out. Which I’ll take responsibility for. Wren’s obsessed with her iPad. Oops.

I also can’t help the massive smile on my face at hearing Julian refer to me as Daddy. She called me Daddy Hold three times, like she was making sure I got the memo. After the first time, I heard her loud and clear. After that, I was just Daddy. It still makes my heart feel too damn big for my chest every time she says it. It does get a little confusing sometimes, though. I think we need to have a discussion soon about different names she can call us. In hindsight, both of us being daddy wasn’t the smartest choice.

“Pretty girl?” I call out, and then I can hear her footsteps coming down the hall.

She steps into the living room, iPad still clutched in her hands. “Yes, Daddy?”

I raise an eyebrow at her, and she huffs at me. “Fine. Here,” she grumbles, handing the iPad over to me.

I take it from her and exit off the game she was playing. “Thank you. If you hurry and put your shoes on and listen to what Daddy says, I’ll give it back in the car, yeah?”

Her eyes brighten and she takes off running.

Julian steps into the living room and leans against the wall. “I can’t believe you let her get by with that. We don’t negotiate with terrorists, darlin’.”

I scoff. “She’s hardly a terrorist. Besides, you can’t say no to that face, either.”

He tries very hard to look stern, but I can see the smile trying to break free. Finally, he sighs. “Fine. You’re right. I can’t say no, either.”

Wren comes barreling back into the room and practically throws herself on the couch next to me, before placing her foot in my lap. “Tie my shoes, please?”

I shake my head in amusement, but do as she asks. Hey, she said please.

I’m not a pushover.

Okay, I’m a pushover.

Once her shoes are tied, she jumps off the couch. We’ve been home for two weeks, and it honestly feels like a dream. Her transfusion was a complete success, and she’s fully in her rambunctious kid era. She has so much attitude and personality. I don’t think I realized just how much being sick was wearing her down, especially since she handled it so well during. She’ll still need supportive care, and daily medication, but she’s been deemed fully cured. I start back to work next week, since I wanted a few weeks at home helping Julian get everything settled.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Julian asks, worry in his tone.

I glance up at the photo we hung last week of Maya, her belly round and her smile huge, her dark curls, so much like Wren’s, pulled back off her face. “Yeah, I’m definitely okay with this.”

Julian holds my hand as Wren runs ahead of us through the cemetery. She knows exactly where she’s going, and as soon as she finds Maya’s headstone, she sits down in front of it.

I have to choke back a wave of emotion when she pats the top of it, and then holds her iPad up. “Look, Momma. Daddy got it for me.”

“She talks to her,” I choke out. I’m not sure why I’m so shocked by that. Julian and I have talked about how until she got sick, he brought her here to visit frequently.

“Yeah,” Julian says, sounding just as choked up as I am.

“I love that,” I whisper, watching as she flips through the pages, rambling on and on about her “fun games” and her “learning games” and how we make her play learning games more than fun games.

Then she starts showing her photos she’s taken. “Me. Me and Daddy. Me and Daddy.” One photo of her and Julian, and one photo of her and me.

Jesus. I did not expect this to hit me as hard as it is. “Are you okay, darlin’?”

I nod. “Yeah, I’m alright. I just… I didn’t know what to expect.”

“She started talking to her pretty early on. Probably because she saw me doing it. I just let her. I don’t think she really understands, but I figure it can’t hurt.”

I nod, too choked up to answer. I think it’s sweet. And heartbreaking.

“Want to go sit with her?” Julian asks.

I wordlessly take a step toward Wren, and he follows me. When we reach the edge of the plot, we both sit down. Neither of us talk. We just sit side by side, holding hands, while Wren tells her mom about everything and nothing.

After a while, she seems to lose interest, opening up her coloring app as she leans against the headstone.

Still, neither of us move or speak—content to let her have this moment.

I lean into Julian after Wren finishes her first coloring page and then holds her tablet up like she’s showing someone behind her. “I want more kids.”

Julian hums. “Me too, darlin’.”

“I want to foster,” I hear myself saying.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Would you be okay with that?” I ask, tilting my head back to look up at him.

He smiles at me. “Yeah, I would be okay with that. We’ll work on starting the paperwork this week before you go back to work.”

I nod, my heart racing, as I turn my attention back to Wren. After a while, she gets bored and abandons her iPad to get up and run around.

“Wren,” Julian says. “Come here, please. Let’s head home, okay?”

She skips back over to us, stopping to pick up her iPad.

Julian stands and holds his hand down to me to help me up. I look at him for a second and shake my head. “You guys go on. I’ll be there in a minute.”

He gives me a confused look, but he nods before scooping up Wren and making her scream in excitement as they head back to the car.

As soon as they’re out of earshot, I move a little closer to Maya’s headstone.

I sit awkwardly for a moment, and then sigh. “I’m Holden.”

I chuckle a little to myself. “This is a little strange. For both of us, I’m sure. I’ve never actually done this before.”

For some reason, it’s making me want to cry, though, so I clear my throat and take a deep breath. “I love your daughter. And Julian.” I clear my throat again, but it doesn’t matter. The tightness there is almost unbearable, so I stop trying to fight it. “I promise I’ll take good care of them,” I whisper as the first tear makes its way out of my eye. “Both of them. I’ll do my best to make sure they always know they are loved and supported. I didn’t grow up in a loving home. And from what I know of you, that’s all you would have wanted for Wren. I’ll help Julian make sure she has that.”

Great. Now I’m openly crying. Julian’s going to think I’m losing my damn mind when I get back to the car. I chuckle a bit, then try to calm myself down. “Anyway, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit soon. I’m going to ask Julian to tell me all the stories he can about you, so I can help him keep your memory alive for Wren. I promise.”

I sniffle and wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, no doubt smudging my eyeliner. I really should invest in some waterproof shit at this point. “We hung a photo of you in the living room. You were so pregnant. You looked radiant. You can just tell that Wren was so loved, right from the start. You were born to be her mom. I’m so sorry you didn’t get to live to be her mom.”

My throat tightens again, and I swallow hard as more tears find their way out of my eyes. “Shit. I’m a mess,” I say, laughing a little. “I’m gonna go now, but we’ll be back to visit soon.”

When I stand, I place my hand on top of her stone before wiping my face again and heading back to the car.

After I climb in, Julian looks at me, his eyes darting around my face, which no doubt looks a hot mess. He grabs my shirt and pulls me across the console to plant his lips on mine. When he pulls back, he’s smiling. “I love you so much, Holden. Thank you for everything you’ve brought into my life.”

I let out a wet laugh because why not. Crying is apparently the name of the game today. “I feel like I should be the one thanking you. I love you so much.”

“Love you, Daddy,” Wren says from the back seat. I’m not sure who she’s talking to, but it really doesn’t matter.

“We love you too, baby girl,” Julian says, glancing behind him to look at her.

By the time we get home, Wren is starving. And I’m not doing much better myself. I actually passed the point of hungry about twenty minutes ago, and I’m starting to get irritated about it.

Julian lifts me onto the counter and tells me to sit still and look pretty, which is deeply offensive. “I’m not just some pretty little chaos twink for you to stare at all day.”

Julian shoots me a glance as he opens the oven, and slides the pan with the pizza he just assembled inside. “Of course you’re not. But you’ve never complained before about sitting on the counter and watching me cook.”

My stomach growls and he smirks. Which, rude. “I told you we could just have frozen pizzas and you said no. That it wouldn’t take that long to make them homemade. That’s a lie, Julian. It’s taking forever.”

He closes the oven and turns to me fully. I’m not a huge fan of the smug grin on his face that he’s trying and failing to hide. Honestly, it’s kind of annoying. I narrow my eyes at him. “What’s so funny?”

He shakes his head and sets the timer. Twenty minutes.

Twenty fucking minutes for some damn pizza.

“Ugh.”

Julian chuckles. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, darlin’. But I think you might be hangry.”

I roll my eyes. “Well, if I am, it’s your fault. I told you frozen pizzas would be fine. I told you I was hungry.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose as he fights to stay in control of his face and not smile. “I’m not sure who I pissed off in a past life to end up with two of you, but from now on, I’ll know that the second you tell me you’re hungry, it’s go time.”

I grumble a bit, but don’t argue when he leans in to kiss me. “Can you hold off for twenty—” He turns and looks at the timer on the stove. “Nineteen more minutes?”

“I guess. As long as you take me to the living room and cuddle with me while we wait.”

He tilts his head back and forth like he’s considering it before giving me a grin and picking me up from the counter. “You drive a hard bargain, but I’m in.”

I laugh. I can’t help it. I fucking love him so much. Even if he does make me wait too damn long to eat.

He carries me into the living room and sits down on the couch. Wren is on her stomach on the floor, coloring in one of the coloring books Uncle Beck got her, kicking her feet back and forth as she does.

Hangriness aside, I can’t believe this is my life. I sigh and settle against Julian, resting my head on his shoulder so I can still watch Wren. “I love you,” I whisper.

Julian holds me close to him and brushes his nose along my temple. “I love you too.”

And I can’t help but feel like for the first time in my entire life, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. That everything is exactly the way it’s supposed to be.