Page 43 of I’m Fine Save Me (The Spiral Duet #1)

Chapter thirty

Cooper

Two Months Later

T his job is wearing on me in so many ways. I haven’t had sex with my wife in months. While I know she has been talking and writing with Morgan, it’s no substitute for our intimacy for either of us.

Morgan has even kept in touch with me, checking in to see if there’s anything I need to talk about.

Funny enough, telling him about the side effects of my meds –the sexual ones in particular– helps. I don’t know why admitting to another man that I can’t get off and the pressure to make sure she enjoys it helps me, but Morgan takes it in stride.

I also told him that I haven’t been able to even really hold her because I get uncomfortable. The medication makes me irritable as fuck.

The therapist suggested making adjustments to my medications, and I agreed…

I’m starting to think that was a mistake.

Now I just feel numb. Things that would normally make me smile do nothing. Yet if things make me angry, I can feel myself shut down even more, and I can’t fight it. Part of my brain tells me that I’m being unreasonable, but it’s not enough to stop my reactions.

Then when I’m not angry, I’m mostly indifferent to everything positive in my life.

Tegan is still amazing and doing everything in her power to be the most incredible wife that ever married an idiot like me.

There have been a couple of nights when I’ve wanted to show her just how amazing she is, but I’ve felt off.

I know she’ll be able to see that I’m not into it and forcing myself to try and be what she needs.

I haven’t told her that I want to stop taking the meds, but I think that will cause a fight that I’m not prepared to have. I might feel numb and nothing comes close to making me feel happiness the way I used to; but I’m going to fake it as best I can for my girls.

I got off work early today and called to talk to Morgan.

A few weeks ago, he and I bought a gift for Tegan that I’ve hidden away until the right time.

It’s a toy that has the ability to be controlled long distance.

It only requires an internet connection and for the person controlling it to download the app for the toy.

Either Morgan or I can control it or Tegan can control it herself from her own phone.

“I know you wanted us to be with her together over a video call when we gave it to her and used it, but that will have to wait until I’m more adjusted to these meds.

I want her to have a good time though. I’m going to get Hannah out of the house.

I’ll have Tegs use up all the spa stuff I bought her a few months ago.

I know she still hasn’t had the time to use any of it.

Let’s give her a day to destress and then you do whatever you can to make her into a melted puddle before I get home.

I’ll either wait for your text, or if something happens with Hannah, I’ll let you know if I have to bring her home. ”

After he agreed and we worked out the details, I ended the call. Next, I called Tegan to tell her I’d pick up Hannah from school.

It’s not something I’m able to do often, but if I can make something easier for my wife, even for just one day, I’m going to do it.

I’ll pick up my little girl, take her to Dairy Queen for a kids meal and a Blizzard; and then stop at the deli to get Tegan her favorite cobb salad in town with what she calls ‘the good ranch.’ Whatever that is.

I know she’ll likely need the fuel after Morgan is through with her anyway. Hannah and I are a lot for her to handle. I can’t say that I would be the angel that my wife is if our roles were reversed. She deserves an easy night and one where she is spoiled like she always should be.

I’m prepared for this little change in routine to upset Hannah too. I stopped at the house to get her favorite stuffie, and I have her spare weighted blanket in my car should she need it.

Pulling into the elementary school parking lot, I park the car and bring the teddy bear with me.

There’s a line of parents already here to pick up their children.

I could’ve gone to the carpool line, but I didn’t want Hannah to panic when she didn’t see Mommy’s car.

At least this way, her teacher’s assistant will walk her up to the office.

We can work through any emotions in the safety of the building instead of the sidewalk near moving cars.

When I finally get up to the desk, I sign my name and fill out Hannah’s information that Tegan had given me. I’d written it on my hand and I’m just grateful it stayed. I couldn’t remember the teacher’s name to save my life.

I write down the information in the binder, then step to the side to wait while they call. Five minutes pass and then ten…

I’m not exactly patient and I know that I don’t always have the best concept of how much time has passed, but I have checked the big clock on the wall several times to ensure I’m not exaggerating how long this is taking.

Looking at the nice woman calling children to the front, she realizes I’m still there, then I hear her voice over the intercom. “Hannah Michaels to the front office for pick up. Hannah Michaels to the front office for pick up.”

Another five minutes passes and I can feel myself getting upset.

Through the numbness of my medication haze, that panic is building and I know it’s going to take all the willpower I have not to be rude to the faculty if I don’t set eyes on my daughter soon. As calmly as I can manage, I put on my best customer service smile and approach the desk again.

“Hey, I know the kids can get distracted sometimes. Is everything okay or do you know what’s taking them so long to bring Hannah up here?”

The woman offers me a polite smile in return. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Michaels. You’re Hannah’s father right?”

I nod.

“You know she can have her bad days. Sometimes it takes a little extra time to get her up front. Your wife doesn’t always come in for her. We walk her out to carpool. I’ll radio to them and see if she’s there waiting.”

Relieved at the explanation, I step back and wait patiently while she calls for the teacher on carpool duty. “Mr. Evans? Do you have Hannah Michaels waiting for carpool?”

There’s a beat of silence before the radio beeps, and an older man’s voice comes over the radio much louder than I think she expected. “No, she’s not here.”

I feel my heart pick up its pace. The woman sees my face and immediately holds up an index finger, like that will calm me down.

She dials a number and holds the receiver to her ear, apparently calling Hannah’s classroom now.

My blood is thrumming in my ears and that numb feeling is receding to give way to my panic. Her brow creases with what looks like confusion, but I can’t really tell. She hangs up the phone and finally looks at me.

“Mr. Michaels, Hannah has already been picked up today. Let me check the log to tell you who signed her out.”

She flips through the binder I had signed an eternity ago.

“Wayne Millington. He signed her out about ten minutes before you arrived.”

”What?!”

I know my tone is harsh, panicked, and probably carrying every fucking ounce of hatred I have for that man.

How would he even know where Hannah goes to school?

I don’t even use social media, and Tegan is cautious beyond the boundaries of sanity when it comes to what she posts.

She’d learned a long time ago that she can hide very little from her stalker of a sperm donor.

Never would she post anything that shows where Hannah goes to school…

“He said he was her grandfather,” the woman defends.

“And you didn’t bother to call us?!” I’m yelling. I don’t really care, but my hands are shaking, my heart is pounding, and my little girl is not where she’s supposed to be. “Did you at least see what he was driving?”

She looks as panicked as I feel, but that means very little to me right now. “No. He came in to sign her out, so we wouldn’t have seen the car, Mr. Michaels.”

I walk out of the office and sprint to my car where I left my phone. I was supposed to make today easier for Tegan, not call her with a fucking nightmare situation.

Fuck!

Already my mind is spiraling with everything that stupid fuck could be doing.

Is he hurting her?

Did he take her to prove some kind of fucking point?

How the fuck did he find out where she goes to school?

I don’t remember selecting her contact in my phone. I don’t remember starting my car. I don’t remember exactly what words came out of my mouth while I drove home at a speed that would make drag racers blanch.

I remember her panicked tone before she hung up to start making phone calls.

Making it home in record time, I park on the street because a vehicle I don’t recognize is pulling into my driveway just ahead of me. Tegan comes out of the house with tears still streaming down her cheeks, running to the car before it has even stopped.

When I open my car door, I can immediately hear Hannah screaming from the backseat of the car.

Tegan

”Wayne picked up Hannah before I got here.”

Those are not the words I thought I would hear, but they make my heart stop. I told Cooper I loved him and I hung up to call Wayne.

The phone rang and rang and rang before going to voicemail. I hung up and tried again three times.

When that didn’t work, I called the local sheriff’s department to report that my estranged father picked up my daughter from school. I told them I couldn’t get in touch with him. I’m about half way through giving the dispatcher Hannah’s description when I catch movement through the front window.

A late model Oldsmobile pulls into the driveway and I will never be able to identify the relieved sob that escapes me.

“He’s here…” I drop my phone as I jerk the door open and run to the front of the car.

Wayne comes within inches of hitting my fucking shins, but I have to get to my daughter. He climbs out of the car, looking fucking livid.