Page 16 of I’m Fine Save Me (The Spiral Duet #1)

Chapter ten

Cooper

One Year Later

S he seems off.

Ever since we sat down and had a discussion about her exploring more sexual endeavors with Jackson, she just seems…off.

Funny enough she’s not off with me, but off in general.

We’re fantastic.

She had seemed to get a bit of a confidence boost in the beginning of her budding relationship with Jackson, and I was shockingly not jealous because there was no physical touch involved.

They live states apart from one another and I trust Tegan.

The woman talks to me about absolutely everything. The only secrets she’s ever kept from me involved birthday or Christmas surprises.

Our sex life has changed a little. Given that she was a virgin when we started dating, and I was raised in such a vigorously religious household; it’s safe to say that neither of us started off wild.

Honestly, it’s a wonder either of us even knew what we wanted physically.

There’s never been that need to fully explore.

Tegan is a bit more confident in that arena than I am though. She reads romance novels like they have cocaine embedded in the pages and writes some blush-inducing scenes herself. It’s no wonder that she didn’t even bat an eye the first time she took me to a sex shop.

That little adventure definitely spiced things up and gave me tools I needed to get out of my head.

It also provided a new means to make my wife come undone with all the new tools in our bedside drawer.

There’s just something about my body not being involved that allowed me to focus solely on her and not my own impatience.

The last thing I ever want to do is worry Tegan with the way my mind wanders from one thought to the next.

It’s not that I don’t want my wife.

Honestly, if I could have her naked at all times, I would find every reason to do so. The problem is that I can want her one minute and then be thinking about next week’s work schedule the next. The moment my mind jumps to the next thing, my arousal is…just gone.

It has nothing to do with her, even though she’s been working harder than ever to lose the weight she thinks makes her unattractive.

I’ve watched her spend an entire day finishing up her school assignments, then jump into workout clothes and go running around our neighborhood until she comes home dripping with sweat.

She’s assured me that she’s doing it for herself.

She claimed that after sending some pictures to Jackson, she realized it took a lot of different angles before she was finally happy with the way she looked.

What’s off about her now is that she seems sad, and she’s finding reasons not to write or have downtime for her special escape. Even when I go to bed early because of my overtime hours, she will curl up in bed with me and a book. She’ll ignore her phone and her laptop altogether.

So tonight, I’m looking at my wife with her hair down around her shoulders in soft, inconsistent waves that tell me she didn’t blow dry her hair after her shower. Her glasses have slid to the very tip of her nose, and she’s got this look on her face like all the muscles are completely relaxed.

If I took a picture right now she’d flat out murder me for the way her face looks. Her bottom lip is poked out, eyes squinted, and brows furrowed.

I find it fucking adorable, but she would definitely stab me.

However, it’s not the face she makes when she’s in the last quarter of the story.

Her leg isn’t bouncing in anxiety over some fictional stressful situation.

I’m as clear as I’m going to be to interrupt her.

I lean over and press a few kisses along the edge of her jaw.

Tegan instantly slides a bookmark into her book and lays it on the nightstand.

I smile against her neck as I move down a little more. “Not a good story?” I murmur.

“There’s a better reality when you’re kissing me like that,” she sighs out and it makes my smile grow wider.

I love that my wife can have her outlets and she still finds something as simple as me kissing her neck worthy of coming back to reality to enjoy.

My new job has had me working nearly sixty hours a week. I sleep more than anything when I’m home, and the hours I’m awake are spent with Hannah to give Tegan a break.

We seem to rarely have time for me to just enjoy those soft sighs of pleasure. Sighs like the one she makes when I softly bite the curve of her neck and shoulder while my hand slides beneath her sleep tank.

“Mmmm, is there a reason I got lucky enough to have my gorgeous bride in bed as soon as Little Bit got her last bedtime song?” My teeth graze over her neck to punctuate the question. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“I didn’t mean to come in here and keep you awake.” Her voice is soft and apologetic. I can’t have that tonight, not when I’ve not had the energy for this in what feels like months…

Shit… it has been months.

I slide my hand back out from beneath her shirt and gently grip her chin, guiding her eyes to lock with mine. “You’re not keeping me awake. I’m an idiot for letting myself repeatedly go to bed early without dragging you in here with me.”

She makes my mind quiet.

She makes the frantic thoughts slow down and the feelings of inadequacy fade into nothing.

I press my lips softly against hers and smile. “I just want to know if you’re okay because you’re a night owl if there ever was one.”

Her eyes bounce back and forth between mine, and I see it.

There’s something cracked inside my beautiful girl.

Something broke through that strong mask she holds up for the world.

“I’m okay, Coop. Just some stuff I’m working through in my head.

I ended things with Jackson… he started pushing—” she shakes her head but my thumb and forefinger still gently pinch her chin a little tighter. I won’t let her look away from me.

I’ll mend that crack in her armor before I let that happen.

“What did he say, baby?” I don’t have a way to contact the man. I could get his number from her phone, but what would calling him and giving him a piece of my mind do? It would likely just cause some blow back on Tegan when we could just move past this.

“He wanted me to photograph his wedding, but he didn’t want you to come with me. He didn’t want to tell his fiancé who I am either. He had all these plans for me to come early and break your rules— You know I wouldn’t, not without you giving me the go ahead.”

I hear a panic in her voice, like she thinks I won’t believe her. I simply kiss the tip of her nose and stay silent so she can keep going.

“He’s been pushing it a lot the last couple of months.

He’s also been making side comments about how I look.

He was making it sound like he’s praising my weight loss but really he’s just telling me that I’m not as pretty as his fiancé.

There were also comments about you.. our sex life…

All of it has just been—it’s not what I was after when all of this started. ”

I gently stroke my thumb back and forth over her chin. There’s that need to protect her, but this isn’t really something I can step in on.

I’ve never needed to protect Tegan. Buying that gun when she told me she was pregnant was one of my most idiotic decisions.

If anything, I’ve only needed to stand beside her while she stood up for herself. I’m her support in her battles. She’s so fucking fierce and I hate that this has gone on for months. I only just noticed that something was off. I didn’t try to find out what she needed.

I’m an idiot for not asking her sooner.

Softly, I kiss her lips once, twice, three times and nuzzle the tip of my nose against her own. “You ended it?”

She nods.

She’s not crying, so I take that as a good sign.

My girl isn’t broken by this, just a little bruised.

“I won’t lie to you and tell you that you look like some Victoria Secret model.

You have curves that I love being able to hold onto.

None of those lingerie ladies could dream of having curves that make me as hard as you do.

If you want me to spout really bad poetry, I’ll devote an entire sonnet to your tits. ”

Her lips tip up at the corners and my heart feels a little bit lighter for it.

This I can do.

I can always make Tegan smile when she’s lost in the dark of her self doubt. “You’re gorgeous in your own right, Tegan Allysa Michaels. I will spend the rest of my life telling you that truth over and over if that is what it takes for you to believe it.”

She rests her forehead against mine and I finally let my fingers slip away from her chin to tangle them into the hair at her nape.

“That’s the first time anyone has actually tried to convince me to leave you and I fucking hated it.

I hated that I admitted to feeling lonely because you’re having to work so much.

I hated that I confided in someone like they were a friend, and they tried to use it to get me to leave you…

Fuck this isn’t some cheating fetish— I just wanted an escape and thought I’d gained a like minded partner in that.

” Tegan sighs and shakes her head while I massage the tense muscles in her neck. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, and that dumb fuck is suffering a big fucking loss in losing you in any capacity.”

While I can’t get on board with her being physical with someone else, I can still understand the emotions behind all of it. I’ve seen the way Tegan loves others. Her friends, her family, me… her heart is fucking limitless and I still don’t know why she chose me.

“I’m sorry I didn’t even realize things had gotten to that point. I know I’ve been working a lot and I don’t want you to ever feel lonely like that. Let me figure out something with this schedule. I’ll find a way to be home earlier in the afternoon so you’re not left alone so much.”

Tegan offers me a smile that tells me she’s about to bring up a sore subject, but I keep holding onto her.

“Graduation is next week, Coop. I’m going to start applying for jobs and you won’t have to bust your ass so much.

I’ll be able to bring home a real fucking paycheck and it won’t all be on you anymore. ”

“Tegs…” I start but she kisses me to shut me up. The only other sure fire way to make me stop talking is for her to get naked. The woman knows exactly what cards to play and when.

“We don’t have to tell your parents if that’s what you’re worried about. Mama and Kat will help with Hannah. If your parents find out, you’ll just have to let me finally unleash on them.”

It’s her turn to cradle my face in her hands while she presses another series of kisses against my lips.

“You knew when you married me that I was not the housewife type. I need to work. I know you think you have to be the sole provider because your mom never worked a day in her life, but I want this, Coop. This isn’t you failing. This is you letting me have something I want.”

I let out a long sigh. When Tegan digs her heels in, I’m not winning. She’s getting that paralegal degree because she’s a pro at arguing. I’m fucked even if I do try to fight her on this anymore than I already have in the past.

“Okay…” I relent.

Her million watt smile is worth the loss of the argument. It won’t be me disappointing my parents when they inevitably find out that she’s working. I’ll just have to brace for the impact it will have when Tegan is given the opportunity to speak her mind to them finally.

I’ve held her back for years, but maybe letting her say her peace is exactly what needs to be done.

Maybe then we can move out from underneath the weight of that burden I’m constantly feeling.

It’s high time I started working towards making my wife proud instead of striving to make my parents proud.