Page 38 of I’m Fine Save Me (The Spiral Duet #1)
Chapter twenty-eight
Tegan
One Month Later
Morgan
I want to call and talk to you. I want to hear your voice; and because I know the panic that’s probably seeping into your blood right now, I’m going to remind you that you can tell me no without consequences.
I won’t disappear. I won’t give you the silent treatment like dickhead did. I’m still here regardless.
T he message is the first thing I see when I open my laptop. Chris talked to me over voice chat exactly once, and it was only in a big group call for an out of character game night on his server. It was the only time he ever heard my voice outside of the videos he’d requested from me.
Morgan was right though. I could feel the panic and concern gripping me along with the fear of losing that connection I’d finally allowed myself to acknowledge and cultivate.
Did I even want to deny the request though? Not really. I wanted to hear his voice too. Even though he was giving me an out that I felt safe using, I didn’t want to cower away from it. I wanted this connection to grow.
Morgan is kind, creative, and he understands my needs. He’s never judged me for getting off on fictional smut, because he very much does the same. Over the last month, I’ve stopped edging around those scenes with him and found that Morgan can write some damn fine erotica.
He reads between the lines I write and adds in things that I unintentionally hint at enjoying.
He can tell when I’m waning due to exhaustion, and he can tell when I’m flustered and need to relieve the ache the current scene has caused.
He never threatens to end a scene because I’m not giving enough.
Even if he still has his one offs on the side, he’s not lacking in giving me his attention when we’re both online. He’s even taken to sending me random messages throughout the day just to see how life is treating me.
I’ve gotten a bit more honest in my answers. That’s still something I’m adjusting to. He calls me out when I use the phrase “I’m fine” and asks me to give him a sliver of honesty in those moments.
This last month has been like walking a tightrope of trusting a digital stranger with my life details again, and sharing just enough to build a friendship without risking too much of myself.
So a voice chat could either improve my balance, or send me tumbling down into the abyss of trust I used to give too fucking freely.
Even knowing all of that, I still type out my reply.
Tegan
When do you have time to voice chat? I’m not exactly ready to give out my number just yet.
He responds almost immediately.
Morgan
I can talk on my way home this afternoon around five if you have the time for me, baby girl.
Tegan
Baby girl? That’s a new one.
Morgan
Should I put it on the no-go list with Kitten and Sweetheart?
I can’t hold back my smile at the screen. He knows that Jackson and Chris called me Kitten and that I hate it. I told him last week about my idiot sperm donor always calling me sweetheart like I’m his dearest daughter. He remembered me asking him not to call me that.
Baby girl though?
I won’t lie and say I didn’t get a little flutter in my belly when I read it.
Tegan
No. That one can stay. I think I like it.
Morgan
Good. Then does five work for you, baby girl?
Tegan
Five works for me. I’ll jump into the voice channel about that time.
Morgan
I look forward to it.
Tegan
Don’t be too excited. I’m born and raised in Georgia and have the accent to prove it, no matter how much I’ve tried to train it out of myself. You northerners can always hear it.
Morgan
If you think something as adorable as a southern accent is going to scare me away from you, pretty girl, then you are so very mistaken. I’m about to go into a meeting, but I’ll talk to you this afternoon.
Tegan
Have a good meeting, love.
“Why do you look like you’re about to jump out of your skin?
” Cooper’s voice suddenly comes from behind me where I sit on the couch and it scares the hell out of me, nearly making me drop the laptop.
You would think that someone with an adolescent child wouldn’t be so jumpy at sudden noises, but I thought Cooper was sleeping in this weekend.
Turning with my hand on my chest to keep my heart from beating out of it, I look up to see my sleep rumpled husband.
His hair is pulled up in a messy topknot that I think qualifies as a man bun.
His pajama bottoms hang onto his narrow hips, showing off the celtic knot designs inked across his pubic bone, framed by the faint lines of his Adonis belt.
Jesus Christ , he is a sight to behold.
His scruffy face still has the light marks of pillowcase lines imprinted on his cheeks above the line of his beard, and he’s shirtless.
It leaves all of his inked torso on display along with the rings that decorate his nipples.
Surely it is too early in the morning to be this turned on even though he just nearly made my soul leave my body.
“You have no right to look this sexy first thing in the morning.” I sound breathless, but there’s no point in hiding his effect on me. For all the complications we have that put a damper on our sex life, Cooper still deserves to know just how fucking beautiful he is.
He leans down over the arm of the couch where I have my head propped up. I feel his beard graze and tickle my nose just before his lips brush against mine in a tender, upside down, good morning kiss. “Says the woman wearing a new silky pajama set two sizes smaller than the last one.”
His compliment brightens my smile and I lift up to steal another kiss that lingers a little bit longer.
He kisses me back but breaks it off before moving around to lift up my bare legs so that he can sit and drape them over his lap. His strong hands caress my legs and begin to massage my calves as he speaks.
“Why did you look so worried when I came in? Your left leg was bouncing like crazy.”
I blink. Cooper can’t always read my moods unless I’m heavily projecting them. If it’s a subtle shift in my demeanor, he misses it; but if I’m blatantly upset, happy, or sad, he can see it. I don’t think I was projecting, but my leg does bounce when I get anxious.
“You…” my face must really portray what I’m thinking, because Cooper just grins at me triumphantly. He’s always so proud of himself when he catalogs one of my tells.
“When you’re upset, worried, anxious, or really nervous, you bounce your left leg. I started noticing it when I saw you reading that big brick fantasy book with the yellow cover. There was a woman on the spine holding a sword.”
The rough, calloused palm of his hand glides up along my thigh and then back down the length of my left leg while he talks.
“I can always tell when you’re really getting into what you’re reading and your leg starts bouncing. It’s usually when you think a character is about to die or something else bad is going to happen.”
I have no idea what to say because he’s taken me by surprise with this one. Cooper struggles with his memory a lot . I’ve known that since we started dating. It’s such a frustrating thing sometimes because he gets so angry with himself when he can’t remember simple things.
I’m marveling at how many details he remembers about this in particular. His hands move to my right leg and he starts massaging my calf muscle.
“When you bounce your right leg, you’re excited. It bounces the most when you’re watching football and the Falcons are actually winning for a change.”
I smack his shoulder, making him chuckle.
“Or when Hannah is doing something new that she loves. When we bought her that sidewalk chalk set and moved the cars so she could draw all over the driveway; you sat in the camping chair I put out for you.”
He pats the calf he just finished massaging. “This leg bounced the whole time. Your smile was bigger than it was when you danced in the rain with me.”
Tears burn the backs of my eyes and I can hardly see his handsome face as it grows watery. I blink and a few of those tears slip free, rolling down my cheeks. Tears usually make Cooper shut down, so I quickly brush them away and sniffle.
He offers me a loving smile and leans over to cup my cheek, pulling me into an equally loving kiss.
“I know I don’t remember so many fucking things, and I’m sorry for that; but I do know about these legs and what makes them bounce,” he whispers soothingly before giving me another gentle kiss. “So what had this sexy left leg bouncing when I came in here, beautiful?”
Reaching up, I smooth down his sleep mussed beard and kiss him again.
“Morgan asked if we could voice chat and I was freaking out a little.”
Despite all of our challenges, I can always be open, honest, and blunt with Cooper.
From the moment we started dating, we agreed to always have all of our cards on the table for each other to see.
Anything we didn’t like, we voiced, compromised, accepted, or rejected.
It’s gotten a little more difficult while navigating his diagnosis, therapy, and medications, but we still stand by it.
“Chris never would call you, even though you told him you would rather talk than text. Jackson and I would talk on the phone, but that didn’t really end well.
I’m just…Worried. I like Morgan a lot. He’s a great writer and he respects the boundaries I set.
He knows about you and doesn’t act like a prick when I talk about you. ”
Coop shifts on the couch so that his back is against the opposite arm and his legs are stretched out on either side of mine.
He takes up one of my feet and starts massaging it the way he used to do when I was pregnant.
With strong thumbs, he presses into the arch and makes me groan, rolling my head back against the arm of the couch.
“And you are scared to make this jump again because it keeps ending badly?” he surmises.
I nod and he continues to work his thumbs along the sole of my foot.