Page 21 of I’m Fine Save Me (The Spiral Duet #1)

Chapter fifteen

Tegan

Chris

I’m disappointed that you didn’t wait for me to respond before you disappeared for the night. Especially after you weren’t around all day.

I stare at the message waiting for me when I log in the following afternoon. While Chris and I haven’t gotten as personal as Jackson and I, there’s still a relationship-like dynamic there.

I enjoy the way he makes me feel when we’re writing sexual scenes. We’ve talked about what we like and don’t like. We’ve exchanged kink lists. That kind of thing is pretty common when writing sexual content; but I’ve told him that I’m married and have a kid.

He knows that I also have a job, though I do work from home and have down time to write on my breaks and such. I still didn’t expect to get a response like that last night when I let him know I wouldn’t be around.

I thought he was one of those that understood real life always had to come first, especially in my situation.

Part of me thought he’d ask what the situation was or if everything was alright. So I sit blinking at the screen until I see his green dot light up on the server. I check the timestamp on my last message and then his before I respond.

Tegan

Hey, sorry about last night. I see you didn’t respond until a few hours after I had sent it. I couldn’t have waited around that long for a response. He needed me.

Ten minutes pass and instead of staring at the chat window, I click over to the time log for the forum to see if anyone is working on storylines. I could use some writing time to give at least one of my characters some screen time.

After not getting a lot of sleep last night and Cooper being far too stuck in his head to get me off, I’m tightly wound. I need release and this afternoon went far smoother for Hannah than the night before.

There’s a new character in the chat tonight. He plays an interesting demon character that tugs at my creativity. So I strike up an in character interaction with him while I wait. He’s friendly, creative, and flirty; so it’s already promising. A message pings, but it isn’t Chris.

Demon

Hi there. I appreciate the intro post. The name’s Morgan.

Rissa

Hey, Demon. Let me know if you have any questions or need help adjusting to the setting. Do you mind if we keep it strictly in character tonight though?

Demon

Not a problem at all. I’ll see you in chat.

With that, we continue our innocuous scene.

If Chris isn’t in the mood to write, I’ll at least get some of this creative, needy energy out.

While I have agreed not to write sexual scenes with anyone but Chris and his partner Silvia, I can at least write an intriguing and flirty scene while I wait for him.

Now that I actually have time to myself, I’m craving some plot development and a nice, smut filled scene with my toy charged and waiting when I’m done. If the man I can write those things with ever responds to me tonight.

Maybe Cooper will come home and find me pleasuring myself and want to join in…

A ping sounds from my laptop to draw me out of my fantasy when Chris finally responds.

Chris

I guess I didn’t realize how long it had been since you sent the message. Still, you weren’t around at all yesterday. I had hoped to see you. You know Silvia still isn’t able to log on, so I didn’t have anyone to work my scenes with.

Tegan

I remember, but I had real life stuff to tend to. I’m sorry that it got in the way of getting that stuff written that we talked about.

Chris

You know it’s not just the writing. I like having your attention. I like knowing you’re there.

Tegan

You own the room, love. You can literally write with anyone and they’d be willing to develop those plot lines with you. They’d also give you all the attention you could stand.

Chris

You know it isn’t just the fiction that I’m talking about, Kitten.

My fingers hover over the keyboard as I stare at his words. I hate being called Kitten. It’s what Jackson used to call me and because of the internet being the fucking internet, my hackles instantly rise.

Is it him?

Did he track me down so he could get back to me again?

Tegan

Please don’t call me that. You know I don’t like it. You know an ex called me that and it bothers me.

Chris

I forgot, but I think I could give it new meaning. I could make you like it again. You could be my good little kitten and I’ll be your sir. We both know you do enjoy a good sir style scene.

I pause again, reading his words over and over.

My skin heats.

He’s right, of course. I’ve always been drawn to the dom/sub style writing. I’ve always craved for Cooper to do things like he did last night. When he grabbed my hair and thrust into my mouth because he couldn’t hold back.

It was the main reason I was still so worked up. He’d tapped into that desire and then left things unfinished. I had known going into it that it wasn’t about me last night. All of that was to give Cooper a way back out of his head, but that didn’t stop my body from reacting to the things I desired.

Perhaps I could deal with a pet name in hopes that it would eventually stop grating on me. Then I could at least get some good material for later when I needed to get myself off. Maybe, just maybe, I could do this again and it would not go up in flames.

Tegan

…alright, but we’re going to need some limits. You know I’ve done this before and expectations changed. I can’t do that again. My life has changed since I did this the last time and real life demands a lot from me.

Chris

I get that. I’ll be more understanding next time. I just ask that you always let me know when you’re not going to be around. The disappointment sucks.

Tegan

My child has special needs. I don’t always have the luxury of dropping everything to log on and send a message that I won’t be around.

Chris has sent you a link.

Chris

Download that app. It’s called Discord. A lot of gamers like to use it so they can live chat while they play video games.

We can move most of the forum stuff there too actually.

It’s something I’ve been considering doing to help everyone stay more up to date rather than logging into a website.

You’ll be able to message me like a text, so you won’t even have to be on your computer.

You can do it from your phone in a private message.

After doing a bit of research, I determine that it is a legitimate app that I can have on my phone and laptop without risking a virus. I’m still hesitant while the app loads on both devices.

Tegan

I still might have times that I’m not able to message you at the time I realize I won’t be logging on for the night.

I really need you to understand that I might not always have that ability.

My baby comes before everything and my husband is a very close second to that.

They are and always will be my priority.

Chris

I completely understand. I might not always take it well though. I crave your attention and I really want to make you crave mine, if I’m being honest.

Tegan

While that is hot as hell to know, I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.

Chris

You’re being very clear, Kitten.

I cringe when I read the pet name again, but grit my teeth and bear it. Cooper gets more distant every day, no matter how much I try to pull him in. My pleasure is a burden to him and that’s exactly why he allows me to have these outlets.

If I can tolerate this, then maybe I can take some of his worry away. I can continue to be his anchor and pull him out of the dark. Sex helps him to silence his demons, and it takes me far too long to get off when he does feel like focusing on me.

If I can just deal with this one nickname, then maybe I’ll have that outlet again.

If I have that outlet again, I can filter out the bullshit that piles up on me.

I’ll be able to get through my routines with Hannah, take care of Cooper without putting pressure on him, and I can work out my own tension without weighing anyone else down with my bullshit that they don’t understand.

Tegan

Then how can I make it up to you, sir?

I hit send and take that leap once again, hoping that it doesn’t come back to bite me in the ass… or the heart.