Page 10 of I’m Fine Save Me (The Spiral Duet #1)

Chapter six

Cooper

Three Months Later

A nother surgery, another fucking cast. The first surgery ended with a long pin through my pinky bone to try and get the bone to come back together and heal.

That didn’t work.

They had to go back in a month later and actually drill bone from my hip to graft into my hand before screwing a plate over it.

As it turns out, my bone cooperated but my body started rejecting the plate and screws.

So this last surgery was to remove the hardware and sew me back up.

While the bone is healed, the doc wants me in a cast for a few more weeks just to protect the bone while it heals from the screws.

I’m so fucking stupid for letting this happen in the first place.

What’s worse is that Tegan is still working full time. My dad reminds me every time I talk to him how my mom never had to work. As much as Tegan reminds me that she was never going to be the kempt housewife, I still feel like a complete failure.

She shouldn’t have to worry about helping me to pay bills.

The woman is still working on her college degree while she’s working. This fucking injury has put me on light duty, and while they can’t fire me while I’m under a medical restriction, they have cut my hours to the point Tegan has to work. Getting a new job while in a cast is out of the question.

My dad lent us some money when things got tight, but Tegan made sure to pay it right back as soon as her next paycheck came. I know she would rather starve than borrow money from my parents, but she needed gas to get to work and we just didn’t have it.

We’re just at the halfway point of the pregnancy and I’m already failing her so badly that I just know she’s not living the life she deserves. Tegan Allysa Michaels deserves to be living in the lap of luxury for being my wife and best friend.

She hasn’t complained, even though I know my lack of ability to do the bare minimum in this damn cast has frustrated her more than a dozen times a week since the incident.

She’s a fucking saint.

I haven’t even been able to take care of her in the bedroom since all of this started.

Her being on top makes it feel like she’s taking care of me in yet another way and my hand is useless in this damn cast. As horrible as it sounds, I’m grateful that the morning sickness seems to have distracted her from even wanting sex while I’m recovering.

My own need is getting a bit ridiculous…

but how can I even ask her to help me out when she’s already doing so much?

If I attempted it, I know I wouldn’t be able to do enough for her to even enjoy it, so it’s pointless to even try.

Perhaps tonight after she falls asleep I’ll handle things myself and that’ll at least hold me over until this godforsaken cast comes off.

For now, I have some job applications to start filling out to try and find something better once I’m recovered.

I need a way to help her not work so much.

Tegan should be focusing on her school work and meeting her goals, not finding a way to afford groceries when the food stamps and WIC vouchers run out.

How did shooting myself in the hand make me so much less of a man? Does she realize what a failure I’ve been? Tegan never acts like she sees me that way, but I really have no idea how. I have to do better. I have to be better. She deserves so much more than what I am now.

Tegan

Cooper has been down the last couple of weeks and I’ve noticed. He tells me that it’s just the cast and he’s not sleeping well. Getting comfortable has been a problem for the last few months, but I need to cheer him up.

He was doing pretty well until he talked to his dad today. I had come home from work while he was wrapping up the phone call, and his face just looked completely crestfallen. I’ve heard the comments his parents make when they talk to him.

He says they’ve always been that way, but that doesn’t make it right.

I’ve heard them condemn him for his tattoos, growing his hair out, us living in a low rent apartment, me having a job, me going back to school, and him not having a better job.

He’s not as successful as his older sister.

He’s not as well off as his younger sister.

He’s not a great role model for his baby sister because he does all these things that aren’t praised in the church he grew up in… the one his parents still attend.

He’s just not perfect enough.

It grates on my very last nerve every single time I hear them degrade him, but he’s told me to hold my tongue.

He would rather just let them say every little thing rather than me cause a scene by speaking up.

We’ve been together for almost three years now and only a couple of months away from our one year wedding anniversary.

I’m honestly not sure how much longer I can hold my tongue in front of them.

I assume it’s just as difficult for him not to inflict physical violence upon Wayne when we see him. That jackass called me out on my offer for him to call me and set up a time to talk. He’s done it twice now since the run-in at the hospital.

One time we met at a local park because he said he couldn’t afford to buy himself lunch. I made sandwiches as a peace offering for us to eat while we sat and talked. He tried to tell me about his new family and his adorable three year old step daughter.

He asked me if I was going to let him be a Pappy to the baby.

I told him that was going to take a lot more of earning forgiveness from me.

So he set up a second meeting at a local sushi restaurant, even though I told him I couldn’t eat sushi while I was pregnant.

I ended up having a bowl of steamed rice while he tried to ask me a million questions about Mom, Kat, and Dani.

He never asks about Cooper.

He spends more time telling me how he’s going to write a book with a creepy as hell storyline.

He thinks it will be a best seller and promises that when it is, he’ll pay back all the debt I’m still working to pay off because of him.

I’m not holding my breath on that one, but he seems to have high hopes of us having an actual relationship in the future.

That's tomorrow’s problem.

Tonight though? Tonight I’m going to make Cooper a nice dinner with his favorite dessert and if he’s up for it, I’m going to rock his fucking world to the point it won’t matter that he’s in a cast, he’ll be sated and sleeping through the night with no complaints.

Silly me for thinking even my best laid plans would go off without a hitch. Cooper thanked me for the meal; but when I kissed him and tried to turn it into something more, he told me was too tired. He could tell it stung and kissed my forehead with a whispered apology before going to lie down.

As I step out of the shower after that gentle rejection, I look in the mirror.

I’m still the curvy girl who lacks a flat stomach, so even over four months of pregnancy hasn’t made my stomach stick out any more than normal.

In fact, I’ve lost weight because my morning sickness has been so bad.

I’ve been hospitalized twice already needing massive amounts of fluid before they’d send me home.

My nose is changing and looking… well it’s definitely not attractive in my opinion.

Is it so bad that Cooper had to turn me down when I was finally feeling like we could both handle a night of intimacy though?

Fuck .

“You are already a menace…” I mutter down at my abdomen with an affectionate rub below my navel. I haven’t even met this kid yet, and I love it with everything I am–even if this pregnancy is making me absolutely miserable every step of the way.

I put on a long sleep shirt and nothing else before climbing into bed. I can tell Cooper is still awake, so I kiss his cheek and caress his chest. I know how much he loves it when I touch him. “You okay, baby?” I ask in the quiet darkness.

He inhales deeply and lets out a slow, but loud exhale. It’s almost like he’s frustrated with me for something, but I’m positive we had a decent night. I’m the one that got snubbed and I’m trying to move past it.

“I’m fine. Get some sleep, babe.” It’s a flat tone, but maybe he really is just tired. I know Cooper well enough to know if I dig my heels in, he’ll just get more ornery and won’t talk to me anyway. I just have to wait until he’s slept it off.

I nod and press a kiss to his lips that he gently returns.

Rolling onto my side, I settle in to get comfortable.

I might only be halfway to the finish line, but this baby loves to relax inside my damn ribs.

Finding a position that allows me to sleep without the tiny contortionist keeping me awake is nothing short of a miracle.

I lay there listening to Cooper’s breathing, waiting for him to put his arm over me.

He’s been propping his cast on my hip so he can have it elevated, but he’s never wanted to give up holding me at night.

I wait… and wait…. and wait.

His breathing never evens out, but he never rolls over to hold me either.

I’m just about to turn over to ask him again if he’s okay when I feel him shift.

The bed dips and then I hear him leaving the bedroom.

He leaves the door cracked, probably because the damn thing doesn’t close all the way without a loud thud.

This apartment is small, so it’s not hard to hear him settle onto the couch in the living room.

He thinks I fell asleep.

I climb out of bed quietly and peek through the cracked bedroom door.

I can see the couch from that spot and he’s quietly stroking himself while his phone is propped up on the arm of the couch.

He’s getting himself off after turning me down…

I don’t know why I keep watching as a tear escapes and trails hotly down my cheek.

What did I do wrong?

I’m not the girl that’s going to rush out of the bedroom and scream at him.

This is definitely a conversation for another day.

Right now he’ll just be defensive and upset if I interrupt him.

I stand there and watch until his head rolls back and I hear the softest whisper of my name as he releases all over his own hand.

Swallowing back the thick emotions clogging my throat, I go back to bed and silently allow more tears to fall.

He's moaning my name but doesn’t want me?

It doesn’t make any sense, and fuck it hurts to think about him not wanting me.

A deep ache forms in the pit of my stomach when he doesn’t come back to bed, and I quietly cry myself to sleep.

Cooper

I feel so much better after that release, and God it was so fucking hard not to drag Tegan to bed and ravage her when she started kissing me like she did.

I wouldn’t have been able to give her what she needed though.

I had no passion, only a selfish need. It wasn’t worth disappointing her like that.

It’s better that she thinks I’m tired and was fast asleep while I handled things.

It’s nothing like coming apart with her, but it will at least give me some relief until I can actually satisfy my wife again.

The day I get this fucking cast off, I’m tying her to the bed and making her come until she begs me to untie her…

That’s a promise I make to myself when I finally go to clean myself up.

I grab a bottle of water and Tegan’s nausea medicine to put on her nightstand for her before I press a kiss to her cheek… her wet cheek.

Was she crying?

Did she have a nightmare? “Tegs?” I whisper softly, but she doesn’t stir. She’s breathing deeply and steadily. She must’ve found that perfect position before the little nugget settled and let her get some rest. I stroke my fingers through her hair and kiss her cheek again. “I love you, beautiful.”

God do I.

She’s my everything and I just want to be everything she deserves every second of the day.

This will get better.

I’ll get better.

The next morning, she’s up and doing some cleaning when I get up to get ready for work.

I might be on light duty, but I’ll pull hours any way that I can.

I kiss her cheek and she leans into it with a little hum.

“I’ll see you two this afternoon.” She nods and gives a little smile before going back to wiping down an already pristine counter. “You okay?”

Tegan continues her task and gives another slight nod, speaking on a sigh. “I’m fine, baby.” I don’t have time to pry or I’ll be late. So I take her answer at face value, kiss her cheek once more, and head out to work.