Page 30 of I’m Fine Save Me (The Spiral Duet #1)

Chapter twenty-two

Morgan

Two Weeks Later

L ife has been a fucking nightmare the last couple of weeks. Between work, handling things at home while my wife is on a business trip, and trying to get enough sleep to actually function, I haven’t logged onto the forum since the night Tegan shocked the hell out of me.

I knew that the troglodyte was a narcissistic ass, but for him to actually speak to her husband and make plans for a digital threesome of sorts and not show up? That’s a whole new level of idiot that I didn’t know existed.

If she hadn’t been so loyal, I would’ve relished writing the dirtiest things to her knowing that her husband was making her scream while she imagined every wicked act.

I’ve seen the filth she will write in public forums when she’s allowed.

While Tegan is a sweet, caring individual, she has a dirty side that is so well hidden until she decides to let it out.

That night, even when all she was sending me was gibberish, I stroked my cock knowing that she was writhing and moaning.

I imagined all sorts of scenarios from him eating her out until her legs were quaking, to him bending her over in front of a desk so she could continue typing as he railed her from behind.

To say I came hard would be an understatement.

I just wish I could’ve corrupted her enough to rebel against Chris.

I couldn’t fault her for her loyalty or respect for the rules they’d set up between them, but he clearly didn’t actually care for her.

He treated her like a pet both in character and out of character.

It was disheartening to see when I knew that she was such a free spirit.

What other sort of person would reach out for help in such a situation?

Now that I have some time to myself though, I’m eager to log in and see if she’s around.

I really am curious about the details of that night and how it went for her.

Even if she can’t give me every single detail, we talk about enough that she can at least give me a vague outline without crossing boundaries.

I spoke to my wife a few minutes ago to tell her good night, and the kids went to bed an hour ago. I know I won’t be disturbed for the rest of the night.

The smile that stretches across my face when I see Tegan is online makes my cheeks hurt, but I welcome the joy that accompanies it as I start typing in our private chat.

Morgan

Well hello there. How are you this evening, love?

Tegan

Hey you. I thought maybe I chased you off with that ridiculous favor. I’m glad to see you’re back around.

Morgan

No. Sorry to have even made you think that. I just had a busy schedule with the wife out of town and real life got a bit stupid. Did your night go well though? Did our ruse work?

Tegan

Oh fuck yes it worked. I had to show him after, and I have been endlessly teased about my inability to type real words ever since. I get random text messages now that are just a bunch of letters and a heart emoji. The fucker. I can’t thank you enough for helping me.

Morgan

Well, I’m glad I could help. Everyone deserves to have that kind of fun when they can.

Tegan

Given that you haven’t been around, I can’t ask if you’ve seen Chris in chat since then.

He hasn’t responded to any of my good morning or good night messages since the morning after that night.

He asked if we went through with the plan anyway since he couldn’t make it. When I told him yes, he went silent…

Morgan

Are you serious? He just hasn’t spoken to you at all? Have you checked the logs to see if he’s submitted any writing time?

Tegan

Yea, but you know he logs hours for private scenes too. So I don’t really know how much of that was public. Still, he’s giving me the silent treatment. I’m working on packaging holiday gifts, so maybe he’ll speak to me when his arrives in the mail.

Morgan

You know that all sounds awful, right? You don’t deserve to be treated like that when he’s the one that didn’t show up.

Tegan

I know. I just– I’m so tired of trying this and things not working out.

While I had something serious once before, I’ve had other not so personal things too that ended badly.

I know I’m the problem, so I’m trying to figure out what parts of me need to be better.

I can’t do that if I just keep giving up when it gets hard and I think it’s unfair. You know?

Morgan

Why do you think you’re the problem?

Tegan

I’m the common denominator. I’ve had a few long term writing partners that I never got personal with.

I was told by one that I needed to find more people to write with so I didn’t bother him so often.

I’ve had a few female writing partners that lose interest, come back, then lose interest again.

The first one I got in deep with wanted me to leave my husband for him, so I had to shut that shit down.

I thought I was pretty clear about my boundaries, but maybe I crossed a line somewhere to make him think that was an option.

Now I’m being too needy and clingy, making Chris stand me up even after he’s set up plans with Coop.

Me

None of that actually sounds like it’s your fault, love. And I’m guessing Coop is your husband?

Tegan

Sorry, yes. Cooper is my husband. I didn’t exactly mean to tell you that, but I’m on a roll for oversharing apparently.

Me

It’s okay, you know… I’m not going to judge you for any of it. It’s not like I’m not on here looking for connections to bridge the gap in my own sex life.

Tegan

I know you’ve told me that. I didn’t think you were judging me for the relationships. Maybe just how stupid I’ve been.

Morgan

I’m sure all of those connections started with good feelings that lured you in and made you not want to lose them.

The things we’ll tolerate to keep hold of something good can get a bit skewed after some time.

When you are lonely or lack attention, the fear of starting over and being vulnerable can be the hardest part.

Tegan

Yea, well I’ve started over too many times.

I know two isn’t a big number, but I’m counting real life and simple writing relationships too.

Friends that thought I asked too much of them or they couldn’t give me space or energy for my problems; and family who were or are disappointed with what I’m willing to give… I’m just tired.

Reading her words on the screen, my heart breaks for her.

The woman who has seemingly opened her heart to multiple people, and didn’t see the treasure that they held in their grasp.

The part that stands out the most is that she has at least one family member that makes her feel like less than she’s worth.

I’m willing to bet that’s where the seat of her insecurities started.

They couldn’t have burrowed too deeply if she was willing to open herself up to marriage. That or the guy she married gives her the space she needs to be herself and loves her for it. It’s only now that I realize she’s actually opening up and talking about these things with me.

It’s something she never would’ve done a few months ago, and I have to remind myself not to push her too fast. I just need to make sure she knows I’m listening.

Morgan

I get it. Starting over once is hard enough and after that first time of getting burned, the scars never quite fully heal. You’re cautious and that’s not a bad thing, love. So what do you think needs changing in this situation?

Tegan

I think he expected me to turn Cooper down and wait until he was around to actually partake.

It seems like he’s even jealous of me having time with my husband.

I swear I’ve been clear about my boundaries.

My marriage is everything to me, and if he told me he was no longer comfortable with me being on here or talking to Chris, I would delete my account.

Morgan

Then if you’ve been clear, how are you in the wrong for finding an alternative way to having a lovely night with the man you married? Also, why would anyone be upset that you found a way to get off?

Just imagining being the one to give her pleasure stirs something in my blood. I can feel my arousal building with thoughts of making her scream in release time and time again. Getting a woman to that peak is like a drug, and doing so multiple times before fucking her is even better.

Someone who denies their partner pleasure without ever actually giving them release has to be insane.

I understand the appeal of orgasm denial and edging when it’s leading to one explosive release; but to go silent and expect a partner—no, to him she’s a pet– to not find release is sadistic, in my opinion.

Tegan

I’m starting to realize that his idea of a dom/sub dynamic is more of a master/slave or master/pet dynamic. Which, I’m not one to kink shame, but that’s not what I am into. I can be a sweet little sub, but I also have my moments when I like to be in charge.

Morgan

Oh? Do you have your leather outfit in the closet? Is there a whip and seven inch heels hidden in there too? A fancy strap-on?

Tegan

*Chuckles* God no. These weak ass ankles would never survive that outfit, but I do enjoy calling the shots from time to time.

When Cooper is in the mood I can let that side out…

a little. It’s never been something I’ve been able to explore with other men, even in forums. I’ve only really been able to write out that part of myself with other women, but I must not be that great at it since none of them really stick around. Haha.

I don’t like that self deprecating laugh one bit, but I’ll leave it be for now. I’ve noticed that she invalidates herself quite a lot, however I also know that I don’t have nearly enough information to understand why. I can take a few guesses when it comes to Chris though.

He’s not the type that’s ever wrong, so I imagine she apologizes a lot for trivial things.

Morgan

Well I’ve seen you write, and I can tell you that your writing has been what’s kept me coming back to this group in particular. I don’t think I would’ve stuck around with any of the rest of them.

Tegan

Flatterer.

Morgan

I’m being honest. Even though we haven’t been able to engage in the smutty stuff, the plot lines and backstory that you give are intriguing. It’s really a testament to your skill that you can keep someone intrigued even when they aren’t fucking you.

Tegan

Well thank you…

Morgan

He wouldn’t have gone through so much trouble to make sure you could only write with him and those he saw fit if he disagreed with my assessment.

Tegan

Maybe.

Morgan

Definitely. I promise I won’t get a massive ego if you tell me I’m right. *winks*

Tegan

Riiiiiiiight. I’m sure your head will still be able to fit through the door the second I admit you’re right.

I smile at my screen and glance at the main chat.

Chris is logged in and putting on a full sexual show with two of his character’s pets; but he has not acknowledged the winged elf in the room.

He truly is giving her the silent treatment, and watching to see if she interacts with anyone else without his explicit permission.

Morgan

If I promise to be good and keep it strictly plot only, could you and I write something together.

I know you’re allowed to write outside of the main room.

We could create characters that have nothing to do with this world of theirs so you can escape life even when you’re on hold here.

If that’s against his rules too, tell me and I won’t push.

I just know everyone deserves to enjoy their outlets from the stressors in life…

and it sounds like you have a lot more going on than just Chris troubles.

The screen is still for several long moments and I start to worry that I pushed too hard again.

It’s a little rebellious to tell her we could find a loophole, but if someone that claims to care about her can’t tell that she needs this creative escape, then they aren’t doing their job.

I’m just about to start typing again when I see the typing indicator pop up for her.

Tegan

That would help me out a lot. If the characters start to have chemistry, we can just work in a fade to black… I know that’s boring, but it’s what I can work with.

Morgan

That’s perfectly fine by me, love. You know I can sidebar if I really need something like that, but I won’t leave you hanging. I promise.

Tegan

No, no. Don’t you dare pass up on a good orgasm on my account. I’m lonely, but I’m not selfish.

Morgan

Noted, but also… I stand by my promise. Give me a moment and I’ll create a private server so we can set up character stats and everything.

Once the server is created, she’s already posting images of character art she’s using for inspiration.

There’s maps, landscapes, and story ideas that she must’ve been putting aside for future forums or if opportunities came up in the forum.

It’s amazing how many notes she has, and I can’t help but wonder how many of these ideas have been shared with others.

Was she told they weren’t good enough? Did she think they weren’t good enough to share before now? Pushing my questions aside, I create a version of the character I’m already using and familiar with. His backstory is one I’ve built for years and it’s hard to deviate from what I know.

Only when I can feel the pull of sleep finally nagging at me do I glance at the clock.

We’ve been writing back and forth for hours and it’s after midnight.

She’s created an entire world with a ruling hierarchy and pantheon; along with her main character that inspired me to make some changes to my own.

It’s been like an improv writing exercise that blossomed into the beginnings of an intricate fantasy world.

Morgan

I really hate to do this but my eyes are getting heavy and I have to work tomorrow.

Tegan

Shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize it was so late. I got carried away.

Morgan

You don’t owe me an apology. I was having fun and forgot to be a responsible adult. That’s not your fault.

Tegan

Thank you for this. It helped. I hope you sleep sweet, dear.

Morgan

Sweet dreams, love.

Every single apology she writes grates on my nerves.

It’s not irritation towards her.

It’s this sense of protectiveness, like I want to find out who made her feel like she has to apologize for things beyond her own control. Then when I find them, I can make them regret ever making her feel that way.

Rolling my neck and cracking my spine with a few twists and stretches, I log out for the night and go to shower. I might not have gotten to release any sexual tension with my escapades tonight, but I don’t regret a second of the time spent making Tegan’s night a little better than it was before.