Page 95 of Hamartia

I smile at that, laughing slightly. “Not like Americans do, but yes, we give gifts.”

“So I should buy you a gift, then.”

“I’d not thought about it. But if you like, yes.”

“Is there something you want?”

I laugh again. Mainly at the ridiculous words that want to fall from my mouth at the question. “There are lots of things I want.”

Raphael grins. “Are they all sexual? Cause I am down for that. You know that.”

“Some of them are sexual. Some are intangible. Some are shiny and expensive.”

He blinks. “Okay…I can’t get you lingerie, right? Like that would be weird?”

Something hot stirs to life in my belly and lower. Raphael buying me lingerie. That he’d want me to wear. That he’d fuck me wearing. The thought has a lot of images attached to them. I swallow. I’ve never worn lingerie before, but then I’d never had a reason to. Someone who wanted me to. Raphael wants me to. That makes me feel…hot. Needy. A little desperate.

“Yeah, it’s weird. Got it.” He runs a hand over his mouth. “Okay, well I’ll think on it.”

He looks troubled but specifically so, not generally so, given the news that’s spreading across the world as we speak. Does he not know it’s been leaked? That a source close to him has told the world his engagement is over. I don’t want to ask in case he does know and doesn’t want to talk about it. My talking about his relationship has never been particularly well received.

“You do not have to buy me a gift. You are coming all the way to visit me in Korea, that is very…romantic.”

“It is?” He thinks about it. “Huh. I guess it is.”

Then there are a few moments of silence where he just smiles at me. I want to see his eyes. I can’t make them out behind the glasses, the reflection of the car cutting shapes across the tinted glass.

“I can’t wait to see you.”

“You are seeing me now,” I say, teasingly.

“I wanna see you closer than this. Hold you. Fuck, I forget what you feel like in my arms.” He groans a little in want.

Open. So very open. It makes me bolder.

“Well, I remember what I feel like in your arms,” I say.

“Yeah? How’s that?”

“Happy. Safe. Very aroused.” I add this last to lighten the mood.

Raphael shifts in his seat, chuckling low. “Yeah, we gotta stop that or I’m gonna be even harder than I am right now.”

“You are always hard.” I point out.

“Only when I’m looking at you.” It’s not said with a flirtatious tone, but an unexpectedly sweet one. “Oh, I got the testing done you asked about. I’m all good. I’ll screenshot and send you my results.”

The change of subject, takes me a little by surprise. Unknown to Seungmin and Luan, Raphael and I had already talked about it. I’d told him it was common, likely more common than straight couples, for gay ones to have that conversation early. We were tested monthly at the company, our medical checks done like the servicing of a car. He’d never cheated on Camille, he’d said. But then an odd look had come over his face—as though he had forgotten that’s what he has been doing and he’d said he’d go the next day and get it done.

“Oh, you don’t have to send it to me. I believe you.” Feeling pulsates between my legs at what that means. Raphael inside. Raw and hot. I swallow. “Thank you for doing that.”

“Of course. It’s no problem, dude.”

I can’t help the smile that comes from that.Dude.“So your mom is really okay with you coming to Seoul for Christmas? She doesn’t hate me?”

“Hate you? God, no. She’s dying to meet you. I think she’d rather have you there than me to be honest. She’s a K:otic. Loud about it too. I’ve no idea where this has come from, she was into grunge before.”

I’m not certain I know what grunge is. “I’d like to meet her,” I say.