Page 71 of Hamartia
“I suppose not,” he says. “But we have tonight. And after tonight we have video call. And if you really miss me then you can always jump on a plane. It is only thirteen hours.” He’s grinning.
“Would you ever live anywhere else?” The question is out before I can second guess how it might sound to him. “Move away from Korea, I mean.”
He thinks about this a long time. “Two years ago, I would have said no. But my English is getting better every day, so maybe. One day.” He meets my eye. “Home can be anywhere, I think.”
I think about that as we sit on the couch together watching some Korean anime series that he thought I might enjoy (in English with Korean subtitles turned on). About home being anywhere. I think about the weight of his head on my thigh and the silkiness of his hair under my fingers. I think about that big feeling that keeps building and building inside me and about how I’m going to say goodbye to him tomorrow. Is this what our life would be like together? This right here? Dinner and anime and soft touches on the sofa. It seems too easy. Way too easy.
Jae’s hand rubs circles around my knee as the voices on the screen hold his attention. I can only see his profile when I look down, but he’s fixated on the show, long legs stretched out, t-shirt riding up a little to show the strip of skin across his stomach. The sight of one of his pelvic piercings is visible.
It’s what does it. That slice of skin. That delicate jewel glittering against the hard muscle.
He doesn’t miss the way my cock jerks inside the sweatpants I’m wearing. My free hand rounds his body as he settles onto his back, fingers skimming across his abdomen, circling the piercing, to his navel and around his belly button, dancing over the waistband. There’s a bulge between his legs that wasn’t there a minute ago, or maybe it was and I just didn’t have a front row seat.
The fingers that I had in his hair I move down to hold his jaw instead, and I stare down into his eyes. Eyes that look black in the TV’s flickering light. He’s writhing a little now, hips tilting off the couch up into my hand. Without taking my eyes off him, I slip my hand beneath his waistband and wrap it around him. He gasps, then moans, then turns his head to suck my fingers into his mouth. The want grows hot and bright, singing up my spine and across my scalp.
“Raphael…” he mutters, as my fingers slip out of his hot mouth.
I release his cock and bring these fingers to his mouth too, pushing them inside for him to suck. His eyes go half-lidded as he slides his tongue between each finger, curling it around knuckles and pads. I’m fully hard now and the thought of my cock in his mouth instead of my fingers causes a needy groan to spill out.
When I wrap my hand around him again, he whines, a soft breathy sound that goes straight to my balls. The tip of his cock is wet and he lifts his hips and pushes down his sweats and kicks them off. Then he turns himself sideways and pulls my own down to take out my dick. It’s in his mouth an instant later and I can’t think, let alone keep jerking him off.
“Fucking shit, Jaehyun, your mouth…” I groan.
He pushes me to the back of his throat and then pulls off, nosing and sucking the shaft before pulling my balls into his perfect fucking mouth. He’s fucking my hand as he does this, totally in control, multitasking. It’s impressive really.
“Jae, I can’t…fuck.”
I let him go so I can hold his head with both hands and move up into the heat of his mouth. Jae shifts, turning so that he’s on his knees and taking my cock deeper into his throat. He turns his head to look at me and smiles around it, eyes drunk with lust like he just fucking loves this. His hand slips between my legs as he sucks me off, massaging my balls and the sensitive skin behind them, then I feel it.
His finger there. Circling.
Without a thought my legs widen to give him better access to it. He pushes against it, soft and suggestive, his eyes watching me intently. He pulls off my cock and licks his lips.
“Have you ever had anything in here?” he asks, still fingering the rim.
I can’t find words, my tongue lost somewhere in the roof of my mouth, so I just shake my head. He presses against it a little more firmly and I tense. His finger disappears instantly.
“I’d never do anything you don’t want me to.”
“Yeah, yeah I know.” I choke out, raw. My voice strangled with arousal.
He climbs onto my lap then, straddling me, his ass fitting snuggly over my throbbing dick. He grabs my face and tilts my head up to him, eyes dark and serious.
“I am sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” he says. “I got carried away.”
But it wasn’t that. Itisn’tthat. Not at all. It’s the opposite of that. The thought of it doesn’t terrify me nearly as much as I assumed it would. It excites me. It feels like some final, loud realization. A door closing behind me. Another opening in front.
“I…it’s okay.”
He tilts his head, studying me in the dark. “Is it? What are you thinking now?”
I almost laugh at the thought that pops into my head.
Jae notices. Frowns. So, I try and flatten my thoughts, folding them into something ordered, that I can verbalize.
“I just thought about how…well, like how I’d basically be a virgin, right? Is that how it works?”
I hadn’t been a virgin for a long time. And when I had been I’d hated it. Had wanted rid of it at the first opportunity. Now it was back. Now I do laugh. Because it is funny. When I focus on Jae, he’s smiling, but more at my amusement I think than the fact he finds it funny.