Page 103 of Hamartia
“You know I have.”
He lifts his head and looks up at me, licking his lips. “Tell me about how much you fantasized about me.”
“Like a lot. I must have watched that Haven Williams dance video a hundred times,” I tell him without shame. “Jerked off after almost every single watch.”
He’s grinning but I can see the arousal seep into his eyes, his breathing quickens slightly, pretty pink mouth opening a little. “We have a lot to thank Haven for, it seems.”
“Fuck, yeah. We do, don’t we?” My mind wanders back to the dance video. “You filmed that video here, right? In your practice room?”
He confirms with a nod.
“Looks like we’ll be able to turn one of those fantasies into reality then.” I raise my eyebrows playfully. “If you’re up for it?”
“I am,” he says, breathless.
The fantasy of fucking him against one of the mirrored walls blasts itself into my mind, except it’s more powerful than any of the others because this time it’s filled out with scent and smell and taste and touch. This time I know what he’ll sound like when I make him come all over the reflection of himself.
He looks down between us, raising an eyebrow of his own. “You are hard again?”
“I have a very, very good imagination. It’s a fucking curse.”
He shuffles down the bed and settles himself between my legs, smiling up at me as he presses his mouth to my pelvis and licks across the seam.
“You do not need your imagination here,” he breathes, working his mouth across and down and between. When he sucks one of my balls into his soft warm mouth I know he’s right. I know that, in fact, my imagination is shit. Because he’s much better than I imagined.
He’s fucking everything.
Christmas Eve in Seoul is a lot like Christmas Eve in Colorado. Cold and layered with wet snow and crammed with people trying to find last-minute gifts just like I am.
Jae had offered me his driver, or the label’s driver I guess, but I’d said no. It wasn’t just that after what he’d said last night I now think they might be following my every move, it’s that I like exploring new cities. Always have. Plonk me down anywhere and I’ll navigate myself around, not quite like a local, but like an experienced tourist at least. Even if everything is in a language I don’t know and an alphabet I don’t understand.
Cities with great subway systems make it easier. Seoul happens to be one of those. The closest station is literally beneath Jae’s building, and everything is colored and coordinated and designed with the tourist in mind. No one gives me a second glance either, which I like. We’re not as big in Asia as we are in other parts of the world, but we’re still known enough that it’s feasible I could be recognized. But it’s two days before Christmas in one of the busiest cities in the world and so I’m not particularly worried.
Also, since it’s fucking freezing, everyone has their scarves pulled up over their faces including me. It’s Jae’s scarf. Because I hadn’t brought one. He’d pleaded with me in usual Jaehyun style not to catch a cold and ordered me to take his scarf when he checked what I was going to wear outside. He’d been unimpressed with my leather and duffel combo, relaxing only when I explained about the beanie. I told him again that I’m from Colorado. That I’m not from LA. That I do understand what winter is. But it makes a little curl of warmth settle in my chest that he cares this much about other people catching a fucking cold. It’s extremely endearing.
The subway spits me out in the center of the city and it’s a wash of scents and noises and giant flashing screens not unlike Times Square. Except that here I can’t understand anything they’re telling me. It disorients me a second and so I pull up the Chanel store on my phone map again hoping I’ve taken the right line. I have. It’s a cop-out gift, I know that. Lazy. But it’s something I know he’ll like, and if he doesn’t, then at least I have the other gift stored away on my phone as a back-up.
I feel giddy about just being in the shop, looking for a gift for him, like I’m thirteen and he’s Daisy Wiseman. Except she didn’t like the card I’d stuffed in her locker or the box of cupcakes shaped like daises I’d left on her stool in science lab. The ones mom had helped me make. Her and her friends had laughed at both before I’d watched her toss them in the trash. Thankfully I hadn’t put my name on either. My crush on her had lasted half a year; a quarter the length of the one I’d had on the person I was now going to buy a pair of $4000 earrings for. Five and a quarter billion won. I’m hoping Jae’s reaction is better than Daisy’s.
The sales guy is fluent in English, dark-eyed and lean; attractive in the way I apparently recognize now. He reminds me of Jae’s bandmate a little, the rapper with the tattoo on his neck. Xan. I hadn’t learned all of their names yet, but I was trying.
“Your girlfriend is going to love them,” he’s saying as he hands them off to be gift-wrapped.
I debate whether to say they’re for my boyfriend, but there’s a part of me that thinks he might know who I am and that he’s just professional about not mentioning it.
“How long are you in Seoul for?”
“A few days. Then I’m going to Tokyo for New Year’s.”
His eyes light up with interest. “Ah, cool. Very Cool. Have you been before? Tokyo is…well, it’s not Seoul, but it’s a great city for tourists.” It’s not said in a derogatory way, just well meant.
“Yeah? I’m crazy into anime so I feel like I’m gonna need to try and not turn into some shrieking fanboy the second I step off the plane, you know? I’ve wanted to go for years.”
We’d planned on it for the next tour but I’d get to see the inside of a bar and a venue and then my hotel room, before being flown out the next day. I’d get to see a bit more of it this way.
“I get you, man, I get you.” He laughs, genuine. “How about Seoul? Are you liking it so far? It’s a bit of a culture shock, right?”
“I mean, I moved to LA for college which was a culture shock, so I guess I’m used to it. But it’s great so far. I haven’t seen much yet, only got here yesterday, but I’m looking forward to exploring a little.”