Page 87 of Hamartia

“When did they fuck?” I ask as I walk back towards her.

“I don’t know the details,” she says miserably.

“You know the details. Tell me.”

“You should talk to them about it, Rapha.”

“The two people who’ve lied to my face every day for years? Yeah, I think I’ll pass.”

I swig another angry mouthful. I’m a hypocrite, I know that. But it makes no fucking difference right now. It pisses me off that I can’t even decide what I’m angry about.WhoI’m angry with. Camille, maybe. Mase, sure. The others who knew about it and said nothing, who were gonna sit there in that fucking chateau in France and watch me marry someone that fucked my best friend and not say a fucking word about it. A woman that my best friend is in love with. Something hits me then, with all the force of a sledgehammer to the face.

“Does she love him back?”

Am I standing in the way of some great fucking romance? Am I the other person?

Cleo looks confused by this line of questioning. “I…don’t think so. I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know anything.”

“You know more than me.”

She gives me another of her sad looks. I take another drink.

We’re both quiet for a long time before I say something I hadn’t even planned to.

“I’ve met someone else.”

She blinks with shock. So Mase hadn’t said anything to the others about my phone call after Crawf had dragged him off. “Does Camille know?”

I nod. “She knows there’s someone. She was surprisingly understanding about it,” I scoff as I take another drink. Now I’m wondering why.

“Is it…serious?”

“It’s a guy.”

I’m not sure why it comes out right then. Whether this revelation has shifted a whole lot of others into perspective and so it’s easier to say than I imagined it would be. Or if it’s just the Grey Goose. But Cleo’s mouth falls open and she’s getting up off the floor to come sit on the barstool across from me.

“Rapha, that’s…wow. You’ve never been with a guy before, right? Like, this is new?”

I nod, wordlessly.

“Fuck…” she whispers, watching me with something like awe.

“He heard us talking on the phone. Mase. That’s why he lost it.”

“He knows?”

“He knows there’s someone. Not that this someone has a cock.”

She covers her mouth and sinks back, sighing loudly. “Holy shit, Rapha. This is fucking huge…how? Like when?”

“I don’t know much about this stuff, Cleo but I’m pretty sure it’s not something that happens overnight. Like it’s always been there, right?”

Cleo’s bi. Never not been as long as I’ve known her. Has had male and female lovers, though more of the former just because of the circles we move in. “So you’re like, pan?”

I shrug. “I’m not even sure I know what that is.”

“You like guys or just him?”

I think about this though I really don’t have to. “I’m pretty certain it’s just him.”