Page 74 of Hamartia

“Tonight, sure are! Should get out and cut some logs before the temperature drops.”

“You need a hand with that?” I offer though I want nothing more than a hot shower, fresh clothes, and to talk to Jae.

Gavin shakes his head, mildly insulted. “Not at all, son. You get cleaned up and head down when you’re ready.” He pats me on the shoulder, fatherly, and then he’s gone. Whistling as he goes.

I do exactly that, in that order. The scalding hot shower, then the fresh clothes—from the chest in the room where mom keeps spare stuff for me—then I pad across to close the bedroom door, grab my air pods, and then sit on the bed with my back against the headboard.

His flight from JFK isn’t until just after midnight but he’s two hours ahead—so it’s only 9 p.m. there. I’m not sure I’ll even get him, but I decide to call him anyway. I need to. Video too, because fucking hell, he feels like a figment from all the way out here.

It rings for almost a full minute until I’m sure he’s not gonna answer, but then it connects and he’s there, smiling. He looks surprised and a little shy, fixing his hair furiously. He’s wearing glasses, round gold-rimmed ones that look great on him. He looks to be still in his apartment.

“Hello,” he says. Then he smiles, wide, his cheeks rounding.

Tension I didn’t even know was there seeps out of me at the sight of him. My shoulders release and I let out a soft breath as I drop my head back against the headboard.

“Hey.” I smile back. “Sorry, for calling, I just wanted to hear your voice. See your face too, I guess?”

It comes out like a question. He licks his lips, glances briefly away from the phone, shy but flirty.

“You cannot call me without warning me first,” he says pushing his hair back. “I look terrible. My face is so puffy”

“Puffy?” I frown.

I’m not even sure what that means. He looks immaculate. He’s wearing a butter yellow sweater and long silver earrings which hang past his hair. His rings he took off before sleeping, but his earrings he always left in.

“From sleeping. I went to bed after you left. I woke up about ten minutes ago.”

“Did you dream about me?”

He laughs, then squeezes his eyes closed. Embarrassed.

“You did! You dreamt about me.” I punch the air in celebration and he covers his face and shakes his head.

“You are ridiculous.”

“I’m the man of your dreams though.”

He laughs again and the sound of it is like a fucking song.

He takes the piss out of me, deservedly, and I flirt with him, unashamedly, for the next ten minutes before he tells me another call is coming in. It’s okay though because he’ll call them back, he says. But I know he needs to go. He needs to get on a plane to fly thousands of miles away to another continent and I have to let him. Because he’s not mine.Not yet.

“I’ll call you in a few days,” I tell him.

Jae nods before reminding me of the time difference again. Saying if he doesn’t answer then he’ll call me back. That sometimes he’s not alone. I hate the hot jealous feeling that I get from the idea of that.

After we say goodbye, but before we hang up, I say it. The thing I’d thought about in the car to the airport, on the flight, in my mom’s car on the way here.

“I know what it is, Jaehyun,” I say, quiet.

He stops moving around—packing—and stares through the screen at me. His eyes are wide and expectant.

“I think I’ve always known. Since the first time I kissed you. Fuck, maybe even before that.” Could it have been since Paris?

He nods. “Okay.”

“I miss you so fucking much, that’s stupid right?” I sigh, dragging a hand over my face, tears welling up for some stupid reason. “I just feel like I’ve wasted so much time.”

He frowns. “We only had a few days.”