Page 153

“I'm sorry, Ken.”

She pulled my hand towards hers and held it close to her lips.

“She made me want to be like her, like you. To have the option to be different…, but I don’t have it and today I understand.” I smiled and pressed my forehead against hers. “And I love being this way. I love being a lesbian and I love the fact that you turned my life upside down.” I inhaled as much air as I could and exhaled it. Her scent permeated me and made me smile even more. “Without you, I probably wouldn’t be doing very well right now. I really fucking love you.”

“And I love you, my love.”

I held her face and brought her to me, kissing her with all the happiness she gave me and I really hoped that Veronica felt that every second of that moment.

The year finally started. And Karlee seemed to have become Satan during winter break. In the remaining weeks of January, we made the necessary adjustments to the training routine. Colleen had just gotten her cast off, so she wouldn't be able to participate even if she really wanted to. And with Emily also out of the main team, we had to train twice as hard to incorporate two other girls from the reserves and even change some parts of the choreography, adapting it in the best way possible for everyone.

It all seemed like chaos.

“Becker, hold the stun!” Karlee yelled as the music blared. Sidney, Troian, and Kendra were somewhere and I was on Logan's shoulders. “Okay, stop the music. Five minute break!”

We all got down to the ground and let our muscular fatigue do the talking, fall onto the mat.

If training was chaotic before the holidays, now things have intensified even more. I knew the work would not be easy, but I never imagined it would be so difficult. Even more so with two last-minute substitutions.

My legs felt weak and hit the floor, and soon Kendra sat down next to me, squeezing my muscles. Like a massage, trying to relax them.

“I could die right now and probably wouldn't feel it for about three hours.” I commented, making her laugh.

“You and the rest of the team.”

I took in as much air as I could and sat down. Kendra looked as exhausted as I felt. The last few days had taken a toll on everyone, and I didn't see anything getting better before Daytona.

We were more in tune and the choreography was working, but with all the changes, I found myself doubting everything we were doing. Especially on days like that, when more things were going wrong than right.

“Do you think we can win?” I whispered softly. I didn’t want anyone else on the team to hear me.

“If I didn't think that, I wouldn't be here still.”

Her blue eyes captured me in the push I needed to recharge with a little more energy for another two hours of training. Because, deep down, this would be our routine, even harder, until we got on stage at the championship.

By the end of February, my muscles felt even stiffer than before. Our bodies were being pushed beyond their limits on a daily basis. There were days when I would just go to my dorm and hope to have a good cry in the shower.

When people thought of athletes, it always seemed like this beautiful, romanticized thing. Or completely fucked up, there was that option between. But I always believed that reality mixed the two situations. I was doing what I loved—pushing myself and my teammates, just as they pushed me. The same way the coach demanded. And many times this caused us physical and psychological pain. Of course there was a beautiful side, all sports had it, because regardless of the area, we put overcoming obstacles first, but the simple truth was that there was a lot of work and dedication behind it. And that sort of thing always came at a cost. And in the end, it was still our choice. To be there, to work hard tirelessly for the next two years, because those would be the last years we could do this. Then, adulthood would arrive. And that stage would come, even if we didn't want it, and it demanded a new price on each of our heads.

I wrapped myself in a towel and got out of the shower, drying myself and putting on my pajamas.

The simple act of moving and putting on clothes made me very aware of every muscle in my body again.

Already dressed, I returned to my room.

Since the beginning of the semester, it had been just me and Troian living in that room. Luckily, they hadn’t added any girlsthere, but it was still a risk we were taking. Every now and then Emily would text us, commenting on how things were going. Her recovery at home seemed to be going well and she said she missed everyone. The curious side of me wanted to know if she and Logan were still talking, but I didn’t want to ask either of them, it seemed like too intrusive a question.

Interestingly, T and Becker were in the room and weren't fucking like two rabbits. In fact, they were quite well behaved. With her bedroom door open while they studied.

With our routine, especially with just over a month to go before the competition, my studies were falling a little behind in my case, but luckily I was still able to maintain above-average grades.

“Hey, have you eaten yet?” I asked, approaching her door.

“I already ordered food, but it hasn't arrived yet. I ordered a pizza for myself and sushi for Troi.”

I nodded and held back my smile as I noticed his nickname for her. It was just too cute.

“Okay, I'll get some soup downstairs then.”