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I walked up the stairs, struggling to put one leg in front of the other, and wanted to back away when I stopped in front of Kendra's door. It was a little unfair how I was leaning on her in a situation like this. I felt bad about it.

It took me long minutes, even though it was already past midnight, before I finally knocked on the door.

Faster than I could think, the door opened, revealing a worried, pajama-clad Kendra. Her arms pulled me into a hug as more tears streamed down my face. I had no idea how there was still any water left in me, but there I was, crying again.

Ken calmed me in her arms, but she knew I needed to talk to her about some things. My reaction to everything wasn't disproportionate; in fact, it was exactly what I expected in a situation like this. And that’s why I needed to tell her about the ghosts of my past—only then would I feel a little more at peace with it all.

However, I wouldn't do it that night. No, that night I just needed to sleep hugging her.

I woke up feeling my eyes still heavy. I was sure that the whirlwind of the last twenty-four hours hadn't allowed my brain to rest properly, which was why the headache lingered, even if it was mild. I sat down on Kendra's bed and found the room empty. My stomach hurt from the lack of food, after all, I hadn't even had dinner last night because of Emily's OD.

“Hey, you're awake…” The bedroom door opened and Kendra, wearing a sweatshirt and a high ponytail, walked in. She was holding a cup of coffee and a brown bag that I assumed had food inside.

My girlfriend put everything over the nightstand and sat on the edge of the bed next to me. Her warm hands wrapped around mine and a weak smile escaped me.

“How are you, shorty?”

“Terrible…”

“Roni, no… there was nothing you could have done.”

“I could have told Karlee weeks ago…” I argued, guilt swallowing me like quicksand.

“You are not a rat, Veronica. We both know you would never do that, because it would end Emily's cheerleading career.” but the truth was that, even if I did nothing, Emily’s career was already over, and now she might face even greater consequences—ones she’d have to deal with for the rest of her life.

“I'm a terrible friend…”

“Hey, don't say that!” Kendra grabbed my face, making my eyes meet the concern written all over her face. “You're a great friend, but sometimes we need to understand that people do what they want to do, Roni, regardless of what our attitude is towards the situation.”

I didn't know what to answer, because, honestly, I didn't know what to think anymore. I was still exhausted.

“What about practice?”

“Karlee canceled it. Let’s get some coffee, you need to eat, and then Becker will come by to take you and Troian to the hospital during visiting hours, if you want.”

The silence inside the car was piercing. Troian was wearing sunglasses, while I didn't even bother to hide my swollen eyes. Kendra was in the car with me, but her presence made me nervous rather than calm me down. The words of my upcoming conversation with her kept floating through my mind, and one of the final scenarios I imagined was her either asking for a break or breaking up with me for good.

And losing Kendra was something I just couldn't deal with at that moment.

Becker parked the car and the four of us got out, heading towards the hospital reception. That cloudy day was a perfect match for the turmoil we were all experiencing. Troian and I definitely felt more defeated than anyone else, but we all saw each other every day, trained together every day, and no one didanything to notice or stop Emily from being in a hospital bed at that moment.

Troian was the one who spoke to the receptionist, the woman was understanding that the two of us were the closest people to her at that moment and allowed us both to enter Emily’s room. We did a quick registration and got badges to go up.

Kendra and Becker said they would be waiting for us in the lobby.

“Is she awake?” Troian asked, finally lifting her glasses and placing them on top of her black hair.

“I hope so, the girl at reception said they probably wouldn't put her to sleep again any time soon.”

With each step I took in that icy hallway, an even worse feeling took hold of me. It was as if I was walking towards something very bad. We both stopped at the door of the indicated the right number of Emily’s room and exchanged silent glances, as if waiting to see who would make the first move.

It took me several seconds until I finally opened the door and walked in first.

Emily was in bed with an oxygen mask on her face as she stared at the tv with a bored expression. The moment we walked in, her attention turned to us. We didn’t get any smiles, as she knew exactly why we were there. Her skin was a little more purple and her eyes were still a little red, but I didn't know if it was the effect of the drug or possible tears.

“Hey…” Troian was the first to make a sound. “Emily… we…”

The blonde shook her head in denial, it was a short movement. It seemed to be the most she could do. Her hand,with the venous access attached, went to her face, taking off the mask for a moment.