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“What's going…?”

“Get me out of here.” I begged. “Get me out of here, now!”

“Veronica, what's going on?”

“Fuck, Derek, can't you do what I asked?” I replied with hatred. “I want to get out of here. I need to get out of here!” I shouted the last part, I was too anxious.

I needed distance from my own head.

The tears came back, wetting everything in a thunderous way as the agony consumed me. I heard the car engine start andDerek started driving. I didn't dare look at my brother because I would see too many questions written there and I knew it. But I couldn't answer him properly because the truth would hurt him with the ricochets of the past. And hurting Derek wasn't something I was willing to do, not after everything.

Kendra had called.

Colleen had called.

Troian, Sidney, and Jazmine had all called me, but after an hour of driving, Derek stopped for gas and I was sure he had given them a signal.

My tears had dried and my head was about to explode. My body could collapse and, given the available scenarios, that wouldn’t even be the worst outcome.

One of the notifications said that Troian had gone to the hospital and she said that Emily was in a medically induced coma for the next few hours and would need to be kept under observation. I was happy to hear the news, but I didn't bother to text back.

Now, while Derek was at the convenience store, I was still trying to purge the past from myself.

When my brother got back to the car, he handed me just a bottle of water.

“Do you remember that night?” He asked me. “When… Gabriela went to the hospital.”

“I remember…”

“This isn't a replay of that night, Veronica.”

The assurance of the words made me search for calm in his brown eyes. The night swallowed the city, but the light from the parking lot at the gas station gave me a clear view of my brother.

“You were four years old, you should never have been in a situation like that.”

“And you were seven, none of that changed between us. We were both exposed to situations we shouldn't have been.” I argued.

“I know, but what I mean is… Roni, we didn’t have a choice, but now you do…”

“She's my friend!” I interrupted him.

“I know…”

“I would never abandon someone at a time like this, D.”

My brother smiled in a pained way.

“I know… I’m proud of how you deal with people you love, but, Roni, in life we put ourselves first.” There was a hint of sadness in his voice. “It’s not selfishness, it’s self-preservation. And after everything we’ve been through, I thought you’d understand that a little better.”

“But Derek…”

“Sometimes we need to let go, because not all people are worth keeping around.”

A mournful sigh left me, but the pain and anguish remained there, trapped in my chest.

“You're right in concept, but you're wrong in the situation. Emily deserves my friendship, she deserves my concern, and she deserves to remain in my life.”

Derek didn't argue. Instead, he started the car and said he'd drop me off at my dorm and that Kendra had said I could stay with her. I leaned back in my seat and just watched the landscape, letting the silence settle between us. Half an hour later, Derek pulled into the parking lot where I kept my car and walked me to my dorm. I said goodbye and thanked him. Walking into the dorm building, it felt like weeks, months, but not just a few hours had passed since I had last been there.