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Her blue eyes like mine looked at me in a silent challenge while her cheeks flushed softly.

“I'm not in favor of parties, I'm in favor of going to see the owner of the party.”

My jaw dropped.

“You're kidding me!”

“Derek is so hot, I always had a crush on him in high school…” My cousin admitted, making me even more appalled by the whole situation.

“Oh my God, someone please kill me! This is treason!” I declared with conviction. “Veronica is my life nemesis, a personal curse that, apparently, I dragged from my pathetic and monotonous life in Chamberlain to this damn college. You're my cousin, how could you have a crush on the brother of the girl I hate?”

“But he's handsome!”

“He's a frat boy, Colleen, wake up! He must have like... STDs...” I made a disgusted face.

“It's not my fault if you don't like men” she replied with a silly smile on her face, but that's when the light banter mood died for me. My expression closed off completely as I stood up.

“Get out of my room.”

“What?”

“You heard me, get out of here! Now!” Her expression changed to regret very quickly, but I didn't give a fuck. I didn't want to hear another word from her. “Come on, Colleen, get out!” I raised my voice and she ended up obeying.

“Kendra, I…”

I cut her off, opening the door and pointing outside.

“Ken, listen to me!”

“No! Just get the fuck out and go to your frat party” I snapped, annoyed. “And do me a favor, do not repeat what you just said to anyone.”

Her eyes widened.

“I would never out you like that…” the tone of her voice lowered, but I didn't let her finish the sentence.

“Goodbye!”

I basically pushed her out and closed the door, then locked it. I tried to take a deep breath, but it felt like no air was getting into my lungs. And for a moment a monstrous feeling of regret took over me.

Maybe I should have followed what my parents wanted, maybe in a big city like New York I could have more freedom than in a hole in the backwoods of one of the most fucking conservative states in the nation. Or maybe I should justcontinue living as I always did in Chamberlain, in the shadows. Hiding behind a mask that I could no longer bear to wear.

Tears overwhelmed me, and all I wanted was to stay hidden under the covers. I walked into the small room that was mine and collapsed onto the bed. I knew Colleen didn't mean any harm with her words, and I trusted her — she was the only one who knew I was a lesbian. But even so, her words cut deep. Hurting me badly.

It was like shoving the harsh truth in my face. Something that I avoided dealing with and admitting to others, but that I had already understood within myself.

I held on to my blanket and waited for time to pass, until I calmed down. Which eventually happened, and when I had the courage to get out of bed, all I could hear was my cell phone beeping with the arrival of a new notification.

I grabbed it, ready to ignore Colleen's likely apology, but I was surprised to see that the message was sent by the girl who, until then, had been ignoring me.

@redheadtx14:Hi, sorry for taking so long! Are you up to grab a drink downtown? There's a cool queer bar here.

Hated that. I hated the idea ofneeding a place for queer people, I mean, it was like separating us into categories where category A couldn't normally go to category B places. That was ridiculous.

However, I found myself desperate to rid myself of the feeling of self-pity. Maybe kissing a pretty girl will solve my problems momentarily.

I replied to the message asking what the bar's address was.

I could regret it and ask the app car driver to just turn around. I might not get in. I could have just stayed in my bed, but no. Somehow, I found my way there.