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The chatter became even more chaotic until Colleen stepped in, ordering Derek to take us back to the dorm and that she would stay there with Jaz and Ivan to wait for the food, which was already being made and that they would soon meet us on campus.

Troian and I agreed.

My mind was taking me to memories that I insisted on forgetting. To moments that hurt more than I could put into words. The cold wind no longer affected me. I took steps automatically and almost lost my balance on a crack in the sidewalk. I only didn't fall straight to the ground because Kendra caught me. That's when Derek's gaze reached me and, before he opened the car door, the question echoed irritably:

“Why is she unconscious?”

“D…”

“Why. Is. She. Unconscious?” He asked again slowly.

“Cocaine.” Troian replied, nervous. “We fought, we complained, but…”

My brother opened the passenger door and I slid into the passenger seat, hearing the door slam shut. Derek was angry, and understandably so, but all I could feel was fear.

Fear of what would await us when we got to the dorm.

The whole drive was a blur. All I could hear was the deafening sound of my heart. When we got out of the car, the first thing I did was to get whatever was in my stomach out. I heard Troian's voice, but I just told her to go.

The ambulance's lights were there, spinning, and some students crowded onto the lawn, curious as to what the hell was going on.

“Hey… are you sure you want to go there?” This time, the warning came from Kendra.

“Yes…”

I straightened my posture and walked through the people until I reached the security barrier that had already been placed there. Sidney was talking to a police officer while Logan was there with her. Troian and Becker were also talking to another officer. I pushed the barrier up and walked into the area that was already fenced off, which resulted in my attention being called by a third man in uniform.

“Hey, hey, hey… Where do you think you’re going?” His Texan accent was thick and his hands grabbed my shoulders.

“Emily, she’s… my roommate.” I explained nervously. “Where is she?”

“On the way to the hospital, your friend had a massive overdose.”

That word echoed in my mind.

Because, again, there was nothing I could do. Because, again, I didn't act as I should have.

“Overdose…” I murmured, feeling the weight of it.

“Is… Is she…”

“She's alive.” The man assured me.

I agreed and took a step back.

The tears finally came, but it was still hard to breathe. I felt Kendra's embrace and I just held on tight, throwing my painto the floor, knowing that those feelings of helplessness, failure, and guilt would stick with me for a long time.

The feeling of going back to that trailer was heavy. It was suffocating.

I wasn't old enough to understand it all, but I was forced to deal with it anyway. Derek was too. We were both kids when we experienced one of the worst nights of our lives. I now know that my brother was just as good at putting these things to the back of his mind as I was, but at times like these, those memories would come flooding back and hurt me, tearing me apart from the inside out.

“She's going to be okay, love…” Ken whispered. “Everything will be okay, you'll see.”

As much as I hoped Emily would be okay—and I truly did—I wasn't sure if I ever would.

I pulled away from Kendra with tears streaming down my face and looked into her eyes.

"I'm sorry..." was all I managed to say before leaving her there, standing in the middle of the lawn, as I ran back to the car. Derek was still inside and jumped in surprise when I got in.