Page 6

6

auburn

I was running late—just another chapter in the story of my day. Despite texting Austin about the long line at the sushi place, I hadn’t received a response from him. Trying to find parking was insane in Austin’s neighborhood, and I refused to pay an overpriced dime for the valet at his building, so I hadn’t bothered to check my phone when I got there.

Grateful I found a spot a few blocks away, I grabbed the bag of sushi and my purse, but unfortunately, in typical Chicago fashion, it had started raining, and naturally, I had no umbrella. Rushing from the car, sushi bag in hand, I hurried toward the front door of his building.

A persistent buzzing came from my purse, so I pulled out my phone to see Austin was calling.

Taking shelter under the building’s awning, I answered his call with a mix of guilt and relief. “Austin, I’m so sorry. I got caught up in the rain, and the sushi place was packed.”

He sighed on the other end, his voice tinged with concern. “Mom, I was getting worried. I thought something might have happened to you.”

“I’m fine, just a bit soaked,” I reassured him, glancing down at the damp sushi bag. “I’ll be up in a minute. Let’s catch up over dinner, okay? I want to hear all about your first preseason practice.”

There was a brief pause. “Actually, Mom, I was calling to let you know I’m going out tonight with some of my teammates. I tried reaching you to make sure you weren’t waiting.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Don’t be mad.”

I closed my eyes, a mix of frustration and disappointment filling me. I was annoyed I hadn’t checked my phone and frustrated by the effort I’d put into getting us food, finding parking, and coming here when, truthfully, all I wanted was a quiet dinner with Austin.

“I’m not mad. I promise,” I conveyed, attempting to adopt a tone that masked my true feelings.

Austin paused on the other end. “Are you sure?” he asked hesitantly.

I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “No, sweetheart. I’m not upset,” I reassured. “Where are you going, though?”

“Just heading to a teammate’s house, Mom. They invited me out after the dinner yesterday, and we bonded,” he replied casually. I reminded myself he needed to grow up, though my first instinct was to coddle him.

“Alright, just please be safe. Keep your mind in the game and don’t get into any trouble, okay?”

He chuckled, and it tugged at my heart. “Mom, I’ll be fine. You worry too much. Love you.” And with that, he hung up.

As I put the phone down, a surge of worry welled within me. It was normal for moms to be concerned when their kids ventured out on their own, especially for the first time. At the ache of separation mixed with the age-old instinct to protect, I couldn’t help but mull over the countless times I had reminded him to be safe and stay out of trouble. It was a mantra ingrained in the fabric of parenthood, a plea that transcended distance and time.

Memories of the past few years flooded my mind. Austin had a knack for finding trouble, drawn to a crowd that found themselves at parties and participating in late-night escapades. Despite his talent on the hockey rink making him popular, it became a double-edged sword, attracting the wrong kind of attention.

One particular incident stood out vividly in my memory. I had been working double shifts, struggling to make ends meet, when I received a call every parent dreads. Austin had been caught drinking underage at a party. Panic had seized my heart, imagining the worst scenarios for his future.

I’d rushed to the police station, praying it wouldn’t be the moment his promising hockey career crumbled before it began. Understanding the situation, the lieutenant had opted not to formally arrest him. In that instance, I was grateful for small-town politics. The police officer had gone to school with me and knew I was a young mom trying my best. He took pity on me and confined Austin to a cell, allowing him to sober up without the stain of a permanent record.

I’d hoped it would be a stern wake-up call for Austin, a pivotal moment that redirected his path. For the most part, he became more focused on his hockey career, channeling his energy into the sport he loved. It wasn’t an easy journey, but it forged a resilience within him that extended beyond the rink.

The rain pelted down, and even though I was under the building’s awning, the sushi bag was soaked, so the food inside was probably inedible at this point.

“Stupid biodegradable bag.” A lone tear fell down my cheek. I was exhausted and disappointed, feeling displaced.

“This must be fucking cosmic.”

My head whipped around, and walking up to the awning was the guy from the cafe. He was absolutely correct. There must’ve been some meet-cute forces in the air that somehow brought us together, because this was wild. Two times in one day? In just a few hours?

“What a strange circumstance.”

“Wait a fucking minute.” A smile crept up on his lips as if he held some secret I was finally catching on to.

“This isn’t the second time we are meeting, is it?”

The stranger shook his head.

“Three times in two days? You didn’t say anything at the cafe?”

He pushed his hood off. “I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you from earlier. I’m so embarrassed,” I murmured.

The rain mixed with the tears on my face, and I hoped it masked the fact I was red from the neck up in embarrassment.

“That’s why you were staring at me.” I shook my head, chuckling in utter disbelief.

He ran his fingers through his hair, pulling water droplets with it. “Yeah, among other things.”

Other things? What other things?

“How freaking crazy is this, and of course you live in this building if you work for the Hockey League.” I gestured to the building. Well, shit. I shouldn’t know that. That made me sound like a total stalker.

He narrowed his eyes at me. “I’m related to someone on the team,” I admitted. It wasn’t a lie; I just didn’t know how to tell this hot guy I was someone’s mom without making me feel and sound old.

I was thirty-five, and by the way his wrinkles formed under his eyes, the way his smile seemed weathered, and the way his body looked strong, he couldn’t have been that much younger than me.

Telling a stranger I was a mom of an eighteen year old automatically made them assume I was much older than I actually was, so I preferred not to say anything.

“Ah,” he said through the pelting rain, “that explains the season tickets.”

I smiled easily, the blush finally going away. “Exactly.”

Though, part of me wondered what he did on the team to live here. I swore I’d done my due diligence scanning the team roster, but his face didn’t seem to ring any bells for me. Maybe if I got his name…?

“So are you going inside?” he asked, crossing in front of me as he held the door open to the building, telling the doorman he had it under control.

He wanted to hold the door open for me. For me. My heart raced, and though I knew it was innocent, I was incredibly uncomfortable.

“Oh, uh, I’m actually going back to my car.” I tilted my head in the direction of my car.

“Not coming in, then?” This sounded confusing as hell, but fuck it. The world had thrown the same man in my path three times; it had to be a sign, right? Enough skirting around what I was trying to say. I just needed to speak it from my chest.

“I got stood up.” I swallowed hard. His eyes went wide, then I remembered I’d told him I wasn’t married. “I was supposed to meet a family member here, but unfortunately, they had other plans, and now I’m here with sushi that’s probably completely ruined, exhausted from an entire day of work, and halfway across the city from my apartment in the soaking cold rain.”

I disliked being honest with people because it made me feel like I was burdening them with my problems, as if I were imposing on them and becoming an unwelcome weight on their shoulders. With a narcissistic mother like mine, it always seemed like people cared for me out of obligation, not genuine love. I was only ever a responsibility, and that kind of thinking was a hard cycle to break from.

My jacket and Keds were soaked, along with my jeans, causing me to shiver.

“And I’m soaking wet.”

As he let go of the door, the corners of his lips lifted, and he closed the distance between us. I hadn’t been this close to a man in so long, and I couldn’t help but inhale his deep woodsy scent. He smelled so good, and his energy was so intimidating and possessive.

“Are you wet… everywhere ?” he asked in a husky tone. Admittedly, I had already imagined how thick he was based on the size of his hands, but I was soaked at his blunt question.

“Y-yes.” I was committed to being on this tell-the-truth train no matter how embarrassing it was. A low laugh escaped his lips before he closed his eyes and took a breath.

“If I invite you upstairs, will you not make it weird?”

I paused, letting his words sink in, then erupted into laughter. “Me?!”

It was fucking weird inviting a stranger up to your apartment, meeting three times in two days, and even the rain added to the melancholic atmosphere.

I dropped the wet bag of sushi on the ground, clutching my stomach. “Why is that the funniest thing I’ve heard in forever?”

A smile spread across his face, deepening the dimple in his left cheek, and I appreciated being the one it was directed at. There was an effortless warmth in it.

“See, you just made it weird,” he quipped back, holding the door open for me once again. “Come on, Sunshine, let’s head inside.”

He had just asked me if my panties were fucking wet, and I responded truthfully. I couldn’t dare go upstairs with him to his apartment, especially since…

“Wait.” I paused, and he sighed, closing his eyes, but released the door yet again. “I don’t know your name. I can’t go anywhere with a stranger.”

That charming dimple was on full display as he responded, “Ledger.”

“Ledger,” I repeated to myself. The name didn’t ring a bell as I tried to remember the roster of names on the team. Wait a fucking second… “Why am I following you inside?”

For a moment, hesitation washed over me. Why was I even considering going up to his apartment, and why was he inviting me? Sure, he asked me out earlier, but going to his apartment was entirely different from just having dinner with him.

Plus, I didn’t want to be put in a position ever again where I didn’t have control over my voice and my body. By going up there, I was risking giving up control to a man I had met three times in a few days by off chances. I didn’t know him enough to know he was safe.

“I just want to replace your dinner,” he said, pulling away from me slightly. The rain must’ve picked up in the last twenty seconds…or was that the sound of my heart thundering in my chest?

“My dinner?” I asked, then felt stupid for repeating things he was saying.

“Yeah.” He lifted the rain-soaked bag from the pavement. “Dinner.”

I stared at him, swallowing. My instinct was to fucking run, but I was trying to think of what my best friend would say in this situation. Ledger wasn’t anyone I’d known in my past. There had to be a reason we kept meeting in the way we did, and in no way did his demeanor scream scary or terrifying. My hands clammed up.

“I, um…” I stumbled, trying to find the right words to say but coming up blank.

“You don’t have to, but I promise…just dinner.” He shook his head. “I would offer to take you out to a restaurant, but since you already turned me down once?—”

“I did, didn’t I?” I gave him a crooked smile, appreciating the joke to lighten the tense atmosphere.

“You’re soaked,” he said, pointing out the obvious with no sexual joke this time.

My eyes flicked back down the street to where my car was parked, feeling like it was miles away. I hesitated at the thought of sitting down to share a meal and a conversation with a man who smelled like a deep pine forest and campfire. He seemed safe, but I couldn’t be sure.

I drank him in, up and down, desperately scanning him for any signs of danger—anything that would cue me into the fact I should not be going upstairs with him—but I came up short. The sincerity in his eyes told me he provided a safe space for me to just…be.

Emma would be so proud that I was considering going upstairs with him for dinner.

“I guess you kind of slid your way into a date with me, then?”

His grin displayed his massive dimple once again as he said, “Didn’t I tell you it was my plan all along?”

I hesitated for a moment. “Will you leave your door unlocked?” It was an anxiety thing that I had. I needed an escape route. If I needed to leave, I could always head to Austin’s apartment.

He looked taken aback by my question, searching me as if I wore the answer on my sleeve, but little did he know how deep the truth was buried inside me.

“Auburn.” My name was a whisper on his tongue. “Of course.”

Then I did the one thing that fucking scared me. For once in my life, I chose myself. I walked over to the door and took hold of it. Despite valuing his gesture to open it for me, my strong sense of independence compelled me to ensure he understood I needed that little bit of control.

He chuckled and said, “Yes, ma’am,” as if understanding the underlying message of my actions. The soft patter of water droplets hitting the marble floor was the only sound in the entire lobby, emphasizing how embarrassingly soaked I was. As we walked in step, I couldn’t help but notice the mischievous grin forming on Ledger’s face at every squeak of my shoes. The noise seemed to grow louder the closer we got, so I needed to fill the silence.

“You’re not going to be creepy, are you?” I asked as he showed me to his elevator. It wasn’t the same one Austin used, which meant he was up on the higher floors.

“Me?” He pointed at himself, then laughed. “Never.”

I flashed him a soft smile as he held the door to the elevator open.

“Auburn,” he said, his voice gentle within the confined space of the elevator. The tension became a palpable force that wrapped around us, creating an atmosphere thick with anticipation and need.

What was I doing? I was not the type to randomly follow someone to their apartment. I guess this new truth-telling me was taking it to the next level. As each second stretched on, the air was charged with an unspoken energy. His words lingered in the air, adding to our heightened sense of expectancy.

How wet was I? Staring at the freaking God of a man in front of me, I could’ve turned into a puddle, but the way he said my name had me melting like butter on a hot biscuit.

“Yeah?” I croaked out once I found my voice again. We were shoulder to shoulder, staring at the elevator doors as we took the long ride up to the top.

“I just wanted to say your name again. I can’t believe it’s you. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, then to be given two more chances? Now I feel like I’m supposed to do something with those chances.”

His fingers hesitated before he reached toward one of my now-limp curls and twisted it between his fingers. “Perfection.”

“Was the person you were talking about at the cafe…me?” I asked, finally putting the pieces of the conversation together.

His hand dropped, but not before his large, rough fingers caressed the side of my face. He was looking at me with such awe, as though I was finally the main character in someone’s story. I’d spent my entire life working to build everyone else up—to get Austin to this point in his life. I grew up with a mother who saw me as a side character in her own narrative, but this man was memorizing me as if he’d never seen a woman before.

“Yes.” His dark, hooded eyes stirred something inside me, a thrilling mix of safety and excitement I’d never experienced before.

I glanced back at the elevator button, watching the floors climb higher. We were seconds away from reaching the top floor. My heart raced as I wondered what my best friend would tell me to do.

All the therapy I’d gone through in my life had me thinking about the concept of opposite action. It meant to do the exact opposite of what my emotions told me to do. I kept thinking about all the trauma that told me men were evil, scary, and generally horrible, selfish humans. My initial emotional reaction to this situation was to run, but I desperately wanted to be better. No, I wanted to do better for myself, for my son, for the new life I’d been given.

Ledger’s arms were folded across his chest as he stared at the elevator doors. His gaze was so intense he could’ve burned a hole through the doors. I leaned to get closer to him, and the moment our shoulders brushed, our heads turned to face each other.

There was no describing the emotion pulsating through the space. The tension was so thick I could have cut it with a knife. His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, but the moment he dragged his teeth along his bottom lip, I became fucking feral.

Opposite. Action.

“Fuck it,” I said, and it came out in a tone raspier than I’d intended.

As the words escaped my lips, Ledger’s reaction was swift. He turned toward me, seizing my waist and effortlessly twisting so our chests met. A shared breath lingered between us, and I encircled my hands around his neck.

“Fuck it,” he repeated.

The air around us seemed to thicken. Ledger’s hands were firm on my waist.

Our mouths hovered, a whisper away from putting myself first for the first time in my entire life. Time hung suspended as if we were teetering on the edge of a precipice. His eyes locked onto mine, mirroring the silent invitation that passed between us.

With a subtle shift, our lips moved together. His kiss was a whisper, tracing the contours of my lower lip with a tenderness that set my senses ablaze. The subtle friction of our breaths mingled with the tension in the atmosphere, and suddenly, I was falling.

It was as if we were walking on water. The first taste was a revelation, a blend of curiosity and familiarity that sent shivers down my spine. The kiss deepened, a slow descent into uncharted waters, each moment more profound than the last.

My body melted into his as he leaned down, molding two into one. It was so empowering to kiss him. All the control that had been taken away from me eighteen years ago was given back with one breath. He pushed me back against the elevator wall, propped me up on the railing, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. Our lips stayed locked, deepening our kiss further.

A small moan escaped my lips as I dug my ankles into his back.

“Make that noise again, and I won’t be able to stop,” he said in a throaty growl.

I was about to protest, tell him I wanted to keep going, needing his mouth to devour mine, but the elevator dinged open, and he dropped me. I pulled away. The last thing I needed was Austin walking in on his mother kissing his equipment manager or whoever Ledger was to the team.

“I, um…” I got out of the elevator, straightened my jacket, and pushed some rogue curls off my face.

“Don’t,” he said, coming out of the elevator. “Please don’t try to rationalize it or minimize whatever it was we just shared.”

I nodded, because that was exactly what I was going to do. After all these years of being celibate, I wanted to explore things with him, but I was terrified of giving him power over my feelings. It was much easier for me to minimize something, because to most people, I didn’t matter.

“Just two adults who shared a…kiss,” Ledger said.

“I can go.” I turned toward the elevator, shoulders slumping, then he pulled me by my waist back toward him.

“No.” His voice quieted. “Please don’t go. I want to treat you to dinner.”

It wasn’t that I regretted the kiss; I just didn’t want it to lead to places I wasn’t ready for. My hands grew clammy, and my thoughts scattered as he studied my face, his brows drawing together in concern. His presence was warm and safe, grounding me in a way I hadn’t expected.

I wanted to reach out, hold his hand, and let him soothe my wounds, but the part of me conditioned to stand straighter, be quieter, and be the girl everyone expected was too strong. I couldn’t break free from her. It was too hard.

“The door is wide open if you want to make a quick exit. You won’t need to make an excuse. I’ll understand.” He shook his hair off his face. “Whatever just happened in the elevator, I won’t try to dissect or put labels on it. Right now, I can promise you, there are no expectations beyond sharing a meal.”

I sighed, taking in the depth of his wounded gaze. I couldn’t help but wonder if he carried pain akin to mine, if his scars were like mine, roots of a tree and buried deep in his subconscious. Did he want me as much as I wanted him?

I wasn’t sure if I had it in me to open my heart to anyone again, but being here with Ledger—feeling safe—it just felt…right. It was a feeling I’d never experienced before, and the thought of giving someone power over my emotions again terrified me.

A part of me pondered whether the universe brought us together to exchange lessons on how to tend to that tree—how to nurture it, strengthen the roots, and witness its eventual bloom.