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auburn

It was as though he had professed his love to me. In all my years, no one had expressed such genuine care and admiration toward me as Ledger did in that hallway. His words were like a spell, captivating me entirely. As I stood there, I was entranced, hanging on to each syllable as if they were the most beautiful melody I had ever heard or the most heartfelt declaration I had ever witnessed. It felt like I was living my own fairy tale, which felt wrong because I wasn’t built for fairy tales. I was meant to live in a world of harsh realities, not a fictional paradise.

But with Ledger? Everything was right yet so wrong at the same time. My mind couldn’t decide if he was worth risking it all—my heart, the breath in my lungs, the very structure I had created to protect myself. Was he worth breaking it all down for?

I bought myself some time by walking back into that living room. I plastered on a smile, one Emma would be proud of me wearing.

“Well, if there’s room for one more, I’d love to stay for dinner with you guys,” I said. “Damien requested it.”

Stassi and Alex were in the living room, frozen at the island before they blinked, then snapped back into reality. “Yes. Oh my God, of course.” Stassi was the first one to speak.

We were interrupted by Damien bounding to the table. “Uncle Ledge, I’m glad you’re here with my new buddy, Auburn.”

I turned around slowly to see Ledger behind me, the grin deepening his dimples, and he looked over at Damien then his eyes fluttered back to me. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Somehow I knew that statement wasn’t meant for the little boy.

* * *

“Wait, I can’t fucking believe that you used to upsell Girl Scout Cookies on offseason.” Alex laughed hysterically. Stassi had tears rolling down her face and Ledger…well, Ledger was looking at me like I was one of those cookies and he was starving.

I remember my mother being so embarrassed when I came home with a stack of bills because I sold the last of my stash to a pregnant woman down the block. She said that I was shameful for asking people for money even when I insisted I was selling a product. It was always something with her. I was never…enough.

“Oh my gosh, you asked me about an embarrassing story. I shouldn’t have said anything,” I muttered, running my hands through my curls, my usual anxious tic. Ledger’s large hand grazed under the table and gripped my thigh. We were seated at the Popov’s small wooden dining table, where they had added an extra seat for Damien at the head. We’d all had our fill of food and Damien was in the living room playing with his toys.

“You used to hoard and freeze cookies and then sell them when you were twelve years old. Dude. That is fucking epic.” Alex was laughing so hard he clutched his stomach, and the blush crept high onto my cheeks.

“It was smart, Sunshine.” Ledger’s deep tone made me snap my attention toward him, but his warmth pressed tightly onto my thigh still. The way his lips curled into that beautiful smile, the entire room hummed in anticipation. “Very entrepreneurial.”

The corners of my lips twisted up. “I was trying to be.” He gave my thigh a squeeze.

“Thank you guys again for dinner and dessert. It was nice.” Alex raised his hand and pulled his wife’s chair so she was closer to him as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“It’s not family dinner without Uncle Ledge,” Damien chimed from the other room, and we all erupted into laughter.

“He’s right, though,” Alex said when we settled down. “It wouldn’t be a family without Ledger.”

Ledger nodded back at him. “And next time you tell me to dress up, I’ll pay attention.”

I looked between the two of them. “Wait, so you did know I was here and he was coming?”

Alex shrugged. “Stassi didn’t, but I knew you were still here.”

My eyes shot over to Ledger. “And you purposely walked out looking like this?”

Ledger raised his hands as if he had given up. “Ah, come on.”

The conversation flowed naturally, and I sat back in my chair and stared at Ledger’s hands as he spoke, realizing that I missed the way he felt against the warmth of my thigh. The way he was anchoring me to stay here, to face the fear of what would happen.

As the conversation lulled, I spoke up almost frantically. “I think it’s time for me to go home.” I tried to keep my voice as steady as I could. “But do you think I could use your restroom?”

Stassi’s warm eyes met mine, and for a moment, she hesitated, waiting for me to run out, but I stood up, waiting to be pointed in the direction. I knew exactly where to go too, figuring this was the same layout as the others.

“Down the hallway,” she said softly. I nodded, Ledger’s eyes burning a hole in the back of my head. I strode quickly but steadily down the hallway, then I locked the door and turned on the water of the sink as I pulled the phone from my skirt pocket.

I dialed Emma’s number by heart, then ducked down because I thought if I was closer to the ground then somehow my voice wouldn’t float into the hallway and no one could hear me. In the moment, it was very rational.

“Hey,” I whispered when she picked up.

“What’s wrong? Why does it sound like you’re in the shower?” she asked, ignoring our typical greetings.

“I need your help.”

“Oh shit.” I heard clamoring on the other line. “I’ll be right there. Do I need to call 911?”

I suppressed a giggle. “No, silly.”

“Okay…?”

“Listen, I’m at a family dinner at the Popov’s house…”

“Right. You told me you were going to Stassi, your new best friend’s, house.”

“Psh.” She was mocking me. “You know no one can ever replace you.”

“Right, right. Spill it.”

“So I’m here and sitting in the bathroom and have the sink running so no one can hear me but long story short, Ledger is here.”

“I fucking saw that one coming. If there was a bet, I would’ve one hundred percent won it.” She laughed. “What’s the problem, then?”

I sighed. “You know the problem. I was trying to avoid him this week, and now he’s here.”

“And your coochie’s tingling?” God, I loved my best friend, even in her bluntness.

“I mean…kinda?”

It absolutely was.

“So why are you calling me and not snogging with your hunk of a man?” she balked, and I could hear her walking around her apartment.

“Since when do you say snogging?” I asked.

“Eh, I’ve been bingeing the Great British Baking Show lately. It’s getting me in the spirit.” I laughed, then shoved my hand over my mouth, realizing I was still in the bathroom and needed to hurry this up.

“No, but seriously,” Emma continued. “I know you well enough to know your brain will continue to fight this, how wrong this is. Your entire life your mom has always told you that you were not worthy of love. What happened to you in high school broke you, but you are so strong, Auburn. You’ve done your healing.”

“Then why can’t I just do it?” I whispered, my voice breaking.

She let out a breath. “I don’t know the answer to that. I think Austin is holding you back in this case, but you’re a grown-up, and he’s such a good kid, but he’s also an adult. He will understand when you’re ready to share.”

“I can’t keep it a secret from him. If I were to do this, I’d need to tell Austin, because I can’t risk the team and my son’s career.”

There was a long pause. “Isn’t it a bye week this week too? So none of this needs to be figured out right now.”

“Yeah…” She was right.

“Plus,” Emma added, “if this is Ledger’s last year as a player, then, in theory, you only need to keep it a secret through the end of the season.”

“I guess that’s true.” I rested my head against the cool countertops as I listened to the water fall into the sink.

“Do what makes you feel wild and free,” Emma said softly.

“Thanks, Em.” There was a small knock on the door.

“Auburn?” Fuck. It was Ledger. Obviously. He was always the perfect guy, always caring. It was me who was the problem.

“Hold on!” I shouted. I quickly said goodbye, then shut off the water.

Of course he was standing outside the door waiting for me. The constant need to walk on eggshells had worn me out. Holding back my emotions and keeping secrets so closely guarded had become exhausting. Emma was right—I needed to want change for myself, not for anyone else. At least for this week; we would figure out the rest.

My mother did not dictate what kind of a person I was. I kept holding on to the statements she’d tell me, insisting that they were true, but they weren’t. I was not the person she thought I was. I was not the person I thought I was.

I was a survivor. And yes, I had quite a few scars to show, but I was also proud of them. I was here…with Ledger, and whatever it was between us, even if we were exploring our friendship with benefits, then I wanted to be here.

I hesitated for a moment, my hand hovering over the knob of the door. I wanted this. No, I needed this.

As if some invisible force gripped me, my hand turned the door handle, and a messy Ledger stood outside. His eyes scanned me quickly to see if I was hurt. “Are you?—?”

Before he could finish, I grabbed his shirt, pulling him close and capturing his lips with mine. Our mouths collided in a fiery embrace, and at that moment, I was consumed by the sensation of it all. Every time his lips touched mine, I fell deeper into the abyss of pleasure.

My mouth let out a little moan as Ledger’s towering body pushed us back into the bathroom. He quickly shut the door behind him.

“Sunshine…I?—”

My mouth wouldn’t let him finish his sentence as I kept his lips busy with my own.

“No,” I told him. “I’m done talking and analyzing what is right and wrong, because what is wrong feels so fucking good, and I need to ride this feeling with you.”

What I didn’t tell him was that I was tired of letting my mother dictate what kind of a person I was to the world. I was tired of putting everyone else’s thoughts and opinions first and putting me last. If I believed I was strong, then I needed to prove it to myself.

He nodded and gripped my chin, tilting it toward him. His other hand wrapped around my waist, then he lifted me onto the sink countertop, my butt fitting somewhat into the bowl, forcing my knees to spread apart.

His hands slowly trailed up my thighs, gathering my skirt, and my gasps got louder. Wetness pooled beneath me as his hands got to my aching needy center. He stilled.

“Nothing under this skirt?” His tone was so fucking low as his deep, amber-colored eyes stared at me.

I shook my head.

“My dirty girl.” He moaned as his finger brushed against my center. I was drenched.

“I need to come,” I said, manifesting the dominant person he had opened the door for. The person who grabbed his mouth and pulled it to mine without a second thought.

“I know, Sunshine.” His whisper was raspy which turned me on more as his lips met mine again, flowering me with kisses, enrapturing me deeply by keeping me at this moment.

“Mouth or cock?” He pulled away, his lips swollen as my fingertips kept in his trimmed beard.

“Mouth,” I whimpered, spreading my legs farther for effect, rolling my head back until it hit the mirror.

“Anything for you,” he murmured as I braced my hands against the countertop. My skirt shifted up to my hips as he leaned down, pressing the stubble on his cheeks against my thighs, giving me more friction.

“Please, fuck. More.” I was a mess, but I didn’t care. My need grew deeply. I was desperate to get off as fast as I could.

“My demanding Sunshine,” Ledger growled as his mouth met the sopping wet center of my body. The anticipation of what his tongue would do sent my thighs shaking.

He kissed the sides of my thighs before swiping once with his tongue, tasting me. My nipples pebbled, rubbing against the fabric of my bra and driving my desire.

I didn’t care that in this position all my rolls showed. From where he was, if he looked up, he’d see the two or sometimes three chins I rocked. It didn’t matter, because Ledger fucking Cole was worshipping me like I was the dessert to tonight’s meal in his best friends’ bathroom.

“You are my everything,” he murmured. His words sent a flurry of frustration while his mouth knowingly kissed every single part of me except my clit. My hands desperately searched for something to grasp onto as I held the edge of the counter, thrusting my hips forward.

My one hand stayed white knuckling the edge of the counter while the other reached up into Ledger’s long black hair, driving his face forward. He emitted a low, deep chuckle before his tongue fell right onto the most sensitive parts of me.

“Eat. Me. Out.”

I was extra wet as his tongue circled my clit, alternating between sucking it like a lollipop and flicking it back and forth. I kept my groans as soft as I could, but it was so fucking hard.

He dipped two fingers inside me, and the pressure along with the movement of his tongue would send me over the edge. I clenched around him, not wanting to give his mouth up just yet.

“I’m going to come all over your face,” I admitted embarrassingly.

Ledger paused and lifted his face, moisture glistening his lips and dripping down his chin. “Mmmm,” he moaned softly. “My mamma taught me to finish eating my entire meal and relish every last morsel. I don’t care if your legs are trembling and your mouth is begging, but I will take my time making sure I savor you until you’re a delicious memory lingering along my tongue.”

“Ledger,” I cried quietly.

His mouth went back as he pressed another finger against my aching center. My breaths quickened, and my heart must’ve been skipping beats as I struggled to manage the high circulating through my veins.

“Say my name, Sunshine. Tell me you want me to drink every single drop.”

“Ledger,” I moaned. “Please. Fuck. Ledger.”

Ledger. Ledger. Ledger.

I would cry his name over and over if it meant feeling this high again. His tongue swiped against my aching cunt one more time, and I exploded. I clenched and released all over him, liquid squirting from me and onto his face. Every tense muscle in my body relaxed. I was in sheer bliss.

The orgasm rolled through my body, and my body went slack. Two hands lifted me, and he cradled me to his chest as I inhaled his deep woodsy smell. “Come on, Sunshine. Let’s go home.”

“Oh my fucking God.” Redness hit my cheeks. Ledger’s entire face was wet from my arousal.

“I…It. Oh my fucking God…”

His fingers ran across the liquid dripping from his cheeks. “If I could go out there wearing you like a fucking mask and not have my best friend look at me like I’d lost my damn mind, I would. That was fucking beautiful.” He pressed his lips to mine, and I tasted myself on his lips.

“I guess it kind of matches the stains on your shirt.” He looked down and let out a deep chuckle.

“Mine,” he murmured, pressing his lips to the shell of my ear and nibbling slightly. “Mine.”