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auburn

Austin.

“Mom?”

“Yes?” I answered, turning my back to Ledger and dodging right to go down the hallway to get some privacy.

“I fucked up.”

My heart sank, my chest seized, and I fell to my knees.

“What happened?” I was in the same position as when Ledger first found me—on my knees, tears streaming down, breaking apart.

“I just need you to come pick me up. I’m at the police station.”

Oh. My. God. I knew it. I should’ve paid more attention. The season hadn’t started, and Austin was already in trouble. I knew coming into the League when he was this young was a bad idea.

I should have listened to my gut and stayed at my mom’s. We should have put him in college before he jumped into the real world. This was a bad idea.

Fuck. We couldn’t afford his apartment, and if they pulled him from the season, we’d be stuck on the lease. I should have been with him tonight. I should have insisted he stay in.

My brain raced with frantic thoughts. Then the person who had called me mom for the last eighteen years brought me back.

“I’m okay, Mom. Everything’s fine. I wasn’t arrested, but I was questioned and put Coach and myself in a shitty position.”

I swallowed, unsure of what to say. “What precinct are you at?” I asked.

Loud noises came from the other end of the line. “Coach just arrived.”

Yelling echoed in the background. “Mrs. Hart?”

I didn’t have the heart to correct his assumption. It was not the time to explain that I wasn’t a missus. My head spun as Ledger approached the entrance of the hallway where I had fallen.

“Yes?” I responded to the man on the phone, turning my face away from him.

“I’ll bring Austin home. I need to go talk to someone, then I will be down there to talk to you. We need to have a discussion.” There was another long pause on the phone. “All of us.”

“Of course,” I said before Coach hung up.

I imagined Austin with his head down, full of shame. That same feeling washed over me too, fueled by the words I’d heard as a teenage mother. Her voice kept repeating in my mind.

“You’re never going to be enough for him. Give him to me.”

My eyes were already swollen as Ledger walked toward me down the hallway.

I stood, brushing off my legs and swallowing hard. The whole situation brought me right back to the place where my mom used to punish me when I was young. It felt as though it was my turn to be scolded for doing something wrong with Ledger. I had to confront the embarrassment of indulging myself while my son was out getting into trouble.

Ledger’s brows furrowed. “Are you okay?” he asked, his voice laced with genuine worry.

I hesitated for a moment, grappling with my conflicting emotions, before forcing a smile.

“Yes, I’m fine,” I stated, though the words were hollow.

“Actually, can I go get dressed? I need to get going.” The words came out as a weak attempt to cover the storm brewing inside me.

As Ledger nodded, he said, “Of course, I promised you that the door was open for you to leave whenever you wanted, but?—”

He grasped my hand and interlaced his fingers with mine. A shiver ran down my spine as his thumb rubbed the back of my hand, a subtle yet intimate gesture.

Time seemed to slow as our gazes locked in a wordless conversation filled with emotions too complex to articulate. Despite the heaviness in the air, there lingered an undeniable tension, a pull between us that refused to dissipate.

Yet, as much as I longed to lose myself in the depth of his gaze, I couldn’t afford to indulge in such distractions. My thoughts were consumed by Austin, and the urgency of the situation demanded my attention. With a heavy heart, I reluctantly broke the silence, tearing myself away from Ledger’s captivating stare.

“You got a phone call too?” I asked, my voice slightly strained as I tried to regain my composure. Ledger’s grip on my hand tightened ever so slightly, as if reluctant to let me go.

“Something is wrong with the team. Someone fucked up.”

I knew who that someone was and was not about to tell Ledger who Austin was to me and dig myself a bigger hole of embarrassment.

“What happened?” I asked, bracing the wall behind me for support, wondering if he knew more than me.

He explained that something had gone awry with one of the players, prompting an unexpected staff meeting. His words sparked a flicker of curiosity within me, stirring up questions lingering at the back of my mind for far too long. What was Ledger’s role within the team, and what responsibilities did he hold that he was aware of what Austin had done?

“And you’ve been called to the meeting? You must be pretty important.”

He shrugged. “It’s a whole team thing.”

As I mulled over these thoughts, I realized I needed to ask these questions, but first, I needed to get to Austin, and going down to his apartment in an oversized shirt with my curls a mess was not something I wanted to do.

“This was…nice?” How the hell was I supposed to tell him it was the most sexually liberated I’d ever felt?

Thank you so much for letting me blow you, sorry you couldn’t return the favor ?

When Ledger’s face fell, I knew I’d said the wrong thing. “It’s not that… I mean, it was nice…I just…”

He let go of my hand and ran the pad of his thumb across my full lips.

“You need to go.”

God, I wanted to explain everything to him. I wanted to tell him this was a huge misunderstanding, and I was living with all this shame from my narcissistic mother. I wanted to tell him I’d been raising a child since I was a child and still had no clue what I was supposed to do in life, especially in…whatever this situationship was budding to be.

“Yes.” I sighed, and he gave me a tight-lipped smile.

I followed him back into the living area, then he disappeared and returned shortly with my pants.

“Good news or bad first?” he asked.

“Ugh. Good first.”

There’d already been way too much bad news for one person to handle for tonight.

“Your pants and underwear are dry.” He lifted my jeans, and I smiled, plucking them from his hand.

I wish I could’ve taken a shower first so I wasn’t all sticky getting into these.

“Thank you,” I said, slipping into the jeans. “The bad news?”

He ran a hand through his hair as he went to pick up his discarded clothes. I was disappointed I never got to see his chest.

No, worse. I was devastated that tonight ended how it did because all I was trying to do was live for myself for once. This was the karma I got for trying to do that.

“Your shirt is still wet,” Ledger said, coming from the laundry room. “I forgot to put it in, and then?—”

“It’s okay.”

Fuck. Fuck. It wasn’t like I could go down to Austin’s room shirtless. I looked down at my shirt, the bottom was sticky from the dried-up cum, but if I tucked it into the jeans, then I may just get away with it.

“This is not the time to say this, but…” Ledger trailed off, and I paused, narrowing my eyes at him to encourage him to continue. “I think it’s so fucking hot you’re walking out of here with your wetness stained on my shirt.”

Shyly, I looked down at the floor, then back up at him. The corners of my lip twisted into a smirk, and I had to suppress a laugh. “Don’t worry about the shirt. Keep it as a trophy.”

“Ew,” I said but was still smiling ear-to-ear. I adjusted the shirt to hopefully make it look somewhat intentional.

When I managed to get the shirt looking halfway decent, I grabbed the phone from the counter and shoved it in my back pocket before picking up my purse.

“Thanks again,” I said as I spun back toward the front door.

“Wait.” Ledger walked toward me, blocking the exit. I glanced over at the clock on the microwave. It had been twenty minutes of this, so I really needed to get down to Austin.

“I need to see you again. I need to?—”

I lifted my hand, resting them on his chest. “This was fun, but I have to go…”

“The person you’re taking care of got hurt?” he asked.

“Yes. They need me right now, and at this point in my life, they have to be my priority.” Saying the words physically hurt. Even in the back of my mind, I wasn’t sure if I believed anything I was saying.

“I understand.” Ledger swallowed.

I had to keep reminding myself that this was a one-time thing. There could be nothing else. It was fun and freeing. Maybe it taught me a lesson or two that I’d learn later on, but it had to be about Austin.

“Can I have your—” Ledger stopped, then looked down and back at the door. “I’m blocking you.”

There was a level of panic in his eyes as he shifted away from the doorway. “I—you should go.”

I wanted to tell him I felt safe with him, to show I didn’t feel trapped, but I couldn’t. So I nodded, opened the door, and walked down the hallway.

As I reached the elevator, I stole one last glance back. There he stood, his long black hair cascading around his shoulders, framing a face shadowed by a thick, unkempt beard. Despite his height, he seemed to shrink under the weight of his sadness, barely fitting into the doorframe, like his emotions were spilling over. His slouched posture and downcast eyes pulled at my heart, making me wonder if I was wrong to leave him behind.

Stepping into the elevator, a heavy weight of responsibility settled over me. I couldn’t afford to linger in uncertainty, not when my son needed me. With firm resolve, I pressed the button for Austin’s floor, leaving behind the man whose mysterious presence had stirred something deep within me.

I refused to be branded a failure, to be cast as a villain in my own story by the judgment of others. I vowed to carve my own path.