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auburn

I woke up the following morning and outstretched my hands to realize that my giant man who had spent the night holding me as if I was the last thing he’d ever feel was no longer providing warmth next to me.

I expected this to be too good to be true, and that resounding guilt started to seep through my pores. Why did something so wrong feel so right?

I rolled over, rubbing my eyes when I spotted a piece of paper on the nightstand with some dark handwriting on it. I picked it up, slowly reading what it said.

Sunshine—

There’s breakfast in your room. I had to go to practice this morning and you looked too adorable to wake. I’ll look for you in the stands.

Love, your dirty little secret.

The message was a lot to digest, but the scent of coffee seeping through the door between our rooms was a welcome distraction to the swirling thoughts. Although, admittedly, I’d become somewhat of a coffee snob after working in the cafe for the last month, and this wouldn’t compare.

I reached for the handle on the door connecting our rooms and quietly opened it. Inside, I found he’d arranged for room service to be delivered next door, sparing me from having to be seen in the hallway. He must’ve unlocked my door when he set this up.

My eyes landed on a platter filled with every breakfast item imaginable—warm coffee, pastries, fruit, eggs still hot, and an array of jams and juices.

“Holy shit.” No one had ever done this for me. No one ever wanted to do this. I was always the girl with more baggage than I could carry alone, yet he was extending a hand, offering to hold some of it for me.

I couldn’t help that feeling in the back of my mind that told me this was wrong. I didn’t trust people. They watched from afar, offering nothing but empty sympathy while I fought through the chaos alone. I couldn’t help but wonder why Ledger would want to get involved with someone like me, someone so unworthy of his love and affection.

I chuckled, looking down at the piece of paper I’d brought over from his room. Was that what we would be, each other’s dirty little secrets? That was all we could be. There was no room for anything else.

I poured myself some coffee, then curled up in the fabric chair, looking out at the light filtering into the room. From where I sat, the snow-capped mountains lined the horizon. I grabbed my phone and checked Austin’s location to make sure he’d gotten over to the stadium okay.

When I finally put my phone down and grabbed a croissant from the spread, for the first time in a long time, a weight lifted off my shoulders. Maybe for the first time since I was a kid, I’d actually have time to sneak a nap in.