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ledger

After the game in Denver, everything was uncertain. Over the past few days, I’d racked my brain as I tried to figure out what could have gone wrong. I’d texted her a dozen times before I realized she would not respond. The more time that passed, the more desperate I was sounding.

Hey. Are you okay?

I haven’t heard from you. XX

Did I do something wrong?

Listen, clearly there is something happening between us. I promise we can just be friends and as your friend, I care about you. Please let me know you’re okay.

I was being overly forward, especially since we decided that we could be nothing more than friends with each other. I couldn’t quite figure it out, and without overtly asking Hart about his mother, I was at a loss for what to do.

After the game in Denver ended, Auburn sat next to Austin for the plane ride home, even though Alex tried to insist that he had to review game footage. The four of us instead sat in a pod together. My knees brushed hers as the plane rocked, but she sat there quietly.

The moment we landed, she ran off the plane as quickly as she could without saying goodbye. It wasn’t like I could bring up the topic without making things awkward, especially with her son nearby.

In the days following, I kept hoping for a chance encounter, but it never came. The cafe where we might have met was always closed by the time practice ended, and I never saw her in the tunnels at our home game last night.

Lying on the couch after another tough loss yesterday, I was drained and frustrated. I slept most of the day away and focused on practice this afternoon, but I couldn’t seem to snap out of my funk, desperate to have one more view of those beautiful, bouncy curls. The upcoming family dinner loomed like a chore, when it was usually a time to connect with my found family. I couldn’t shake the thought of how different things might have been if we’d had a chance to reconnect—if I could’ve asked her what was really going on.

As the sun set behind the lake, letting the warm orange glow melt into the room, I decided to text Alex and Stassi to let them know I wouldn’t be coming to dinner. I had set myself up on the couch and was already in my sweats with the TV playing the basketball game, so I decided I’d order from the in-house catering.

I leaned back on the couch, letting myself wallow in my own pity, when someone pounded on the door.

“Ugh,” I groaned, throwing the fluffy gray blanket off me and making my way over to the door. “Who is it?” I shouted, hoping the person opposite would hear me.

“Your worst enemy,” a familiar voice said. I debated ignoring him, but I opened, and Alex was on the other side waiting for me with his shit-eating grin spread across his face as he stepped back and took in my rather…sloppy appearance.

“You look like shit,” he announced.

I looked down at the small stain on my white shirt from the pizza I’d had earlier…or was it the ice cream? At this point, who cared?

“Thanks,” I grumbled as I held the door open for him, and turned to head back in, going to the fridge and cracking open a beer. “Want one?”

Alex shook his head. “Not right now.”

He pulled out one of the stools from the oversized island and watched as I took an embarrassingly long pull of the beer. “You got something to say?” I asked.

Alex’s grin stayed painted on his face as he watched me and shook his head. “No, I’m watching your breakdown unfold.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not having a fucking breakdown.”

Alex leaned against the island, staring at me. “Seems like it. Canceling family dinner for another week? The last time you got a pass for hooking up?—”

“Don’t say her name,” I growled as I leaned against the cool concrete wall. “I’m not having a breakdown,” I repeated, probably more for myself than for Alex.

“Cool,” Alex said as he stood, shoving the stool underneath the counter. “Then you’re coming to family dinner. We’re having extra guests this week, and quite frankly, you need to show up.”

“Fine. I’m going like this.”

He looked me up and down again with that stupid grin spread across his face again. “You sure?”

I nodded, taking another beer from the fridge and shoving it into the pocket of my sweats. “Fuck yeah. If you’re going to make me go to this fucking dinner instead of vegging out and watching the game with whatever mystery guest you and Stassi have invited, then I’m going to show up grumpy.”

Alex shook his head. “You know, you sound like Damien when he’s having a tantrum.”

“Whatever.”

I nodded toward the door where Alex let out a small chuckle before I grabbed my keys and headed out. I was admittedly glad he pulled me out of the house, because I would’ve spent all night wallowing.

“Tell me more about this guest,” I said as we hit the button for the elevator. Stassi and Damien lived a floor below me.

“Ah, it’s just a friend of Stass’. You’ll know more soon, I suppose.” Alex folded his arms and leaned against the railing in the elevator.

“You’re being weirdly evasive.” I crushed the empty beer can in my hand but held it because no matter how grumpy I was, I hated when people littered.

The elevator dinged, and we casually walked to Alex’s door.

“Last chance to change your…” Alex looked down at my shirt again as his hand hovered over the door handle. “To change your stained white shirt and sweats.”

I curled my lips. “Nah. If you want me here so badly, then I’m coming as I am. Are you embarrassed?” Hoping he would say yes and let me free from tonight’s burden, I shoved the empty can into my other, free pocket.

“Nope,” Alex said, letting out another laugh. “Let’s go in.”

I shook my head as he opened the door. “You guys are leaving for the bye week this week?”

“Yeah. We’re going to spend a few days in Door County.”

Alex pushed open the door, and I followed him, knowing I could spend the next seven days alone as long as I got through this one obligation.