Page 91 of Up In Smoke

Guilt creeps around the edges of my thoughts, but I push it away. “Nobody owes us forgiveness, remember?” I tell him.

“But I’ve done so much for you,” he protests. “How can you be so ungrateful?”

Angry bile rises in my throat. “You didn’t do those things for me, Emerson. You did them for Leroy Puck, and he doesn’t exist. I’m sorry. I’ve been very clear. I want you to leave me alone. Goodnight.”

“No, Jesse!” he cries, shooting out his hand as if to grab my arm.

Klaus launches forward, barking and herding Emerson back.

“Fucking hell!” he shrieks. “Call him off!”

“Guter Junge, Klaus,” I say, snapping my fingers once. Immediately, he comes back to sit by my leg inside the flat. “Goodnight, Emerson,” I say again. “May I suggest you go and find a meeting. You clearly need help.” My eyes flash down to his bag then back up to his face. “And tip that bottle down the drain, for everyone’s sake.”

With that, I close the door.

And lock it.

“What the fuck?” I whisper to Klaus, who rubs his head against my legs. It’s like he’s asking if I’m okay in his own doggy way. “I know, boy,” I say, stroking the back of his head. “That was a lot. Danke for your help. You’re such a good boy.”

I’m proud of myself, too, though. I stood up to Emerson and set clear boundaries. It’s not selfish or mean to do that. But my hands are shaking slightly and I feel restless, like I want to go for a run or hit the weights at the gym.

There’s no way I’m leaving the apartment tonight, so I just walk around the living room shaking out my hands for a while. Then I remember the chicken in the pan that’s unfortunately become slightly congealed where I neglected it. Much to Klaus’s dismay, I tip it into the trash and try and muster up the energy to cook something else. My appetite has vanished, but it’s important on the medication I’m taking to eat regular meals. In the end, I compromise and fix myself a bowl of cereal instead, managing to eat about two thirds of it.

I feel sorry for Emerson, but like Trixie said the other night, he’s not my responsibility. I really hope he did find a meeting to go to. However, I can’t help him if he’s going to stalk me and threaten to derail my sobriety like that.

Even though it’s not that late, I brush my teeth and head to bed. The club is closed on Mondays and Tuesdays, so it’s like our weekend and I have tomorrow night off as well. Rico will be home in the morning, so depending on how his shift went, we can maybe go for a run together. I think about maybe baking muffins and drift off to sleep considering different recipes.

A loud, urgent bark jerks me awake again. My heart is immediately pounding as I glance at my phone and realize only about an hour and half has passed.

Klaus barks again.

“What is it, boy?” I mumble groggily. “Do you need to use the bathroom? Badezimmer?”

To be fair, normally I’d walk him downstairs before bed to relieve himself one last time on the grass, but I didn’t do that earlier because of Emerson. So I stumble out of bed and pull on some jeans as well as my sneakers and a hoodie, figuring it must be safe to venture out now. Emerson has to be long gone.

But Klaus is barking non-stop, dancing around me as I get his leash, yawning and rubbing my eyes. I must have been in the middle of a REM cycle as it’s taking a while for my brain to catch up.

“Shh, Klaus,” I tell him, worrying that the neighbors are going to hate me. He never usually makes such a ruckus and I feel guilty. He must be desperate to behave so badly. “Shh. Ruhig. It’s okay. We’re going now. I’m really sorry. But Daddy Jesse’s crazy stalker meant it wasn’t safe earlier. But now…”

I trail off with a frown. What’s that smell?

No sooner do I think it than an alarm starts blaring.

I flinch and cover my ears. That’s way too loud for it to be our oven or anything. That’s got to be…

Icy coldness washes through me. I know what that sound is. I know what that smell is.

I dash to the front door with Klaus whimpering by my side. The noise has got to be hell on his ears. Mine are protesting and I don’t have his hearing range. I press my hand to the door, but it doesn’t feel too hot. So I wrench it open.

And discover a fire raging in the hallway.

CHAPTER 28

Rico

“Penny for your thoughts?”

I blink and realize I’ve probably been staring at the ceiling of the bunk room for longer than I thought. I sit up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed, and smile at Anton. He perches opposite on the bed next to mine. “Is everything okay?” I ask.