Page 75 of Up In Smoke

That won’t do.

It doesn’t take a psychologist to work out that he doesn’t want to be seen like this when he’s vulnerable. But that’s the whole point. He’s used to being so high or drunk he didn’t carewho he was with or what they thought about him. I don’t want that for him now, though, and from what he said I’m sure he doesn’t either.

“Hey, baby,” I say softly, reaching up to touch my fingertips to the side of his face. He opens his eyes and releases his lip. I smile at him. “That’s it. I want you to look at me. Can you do that?”

He takes a breath before nodding. My heart swoops.

“I’m right here,” I remind him. “Stay with me, okay?” He nods again, so I carefully drift my hands back down to his hips, looping my thumbs under the waistband of his boxer-briefs. “Do you want me to stop?” He shakes his head.

My heart is hammering in my chest as I ease the underwear down, allowing his cock to spring free. He gasps a little, but then he’s lifting his hips, helping me as I pull the last bit of his clothing down his legs and drop it on the floor.

Not wanting to leave him hanging, I roll on my back and whip my own boxer-briefs off, tossing them aside. Then I’m on top of him again, our completely naked bodies pressed deliciously together.

“Holy fuck, you’re so perfect,” I tell him as he quivers against me, his hands running up and down my back, stopping just short of the curve of my ass. I want to feel him everywhere, but as I reminded him earlier, there’s no rush. We don’t have to do it all in one night.

We have countless nights ahead of us, and everything right now is just like him. Perfect.

I find his mouth again and we kiss without urgency, our bodies rolling together. When I hear him whimpering, I take pity, especially as my own desire is also driving me insane. I slide my hand between us, wrapping it around both our leaking shafts, pumping us together.

“Rico, I—” Jesse jerks and buries his face against my neck as he spurts all over my hand and his stomach. Holy shit he wasn’t kidding about being on a hair trigger, but neither was I. As he gasps for air and comes down from his high, I let him go to jerk frantically over my cock, my nose nuzzling his and our lips an inch apart. “I love you, Jesse,” I rasp, teetering over the edge. “You’re all mine.”

His mouth crashes into mine and his fingers scratch down my back. I come with an explosive force over his torso that snatches my breath and my vision for several seconds. When I come back to reality, I all but collapse on top of him, giggling as endorphins flood through my veins.

“How was that?” I ask as he starts laughing with me.

“Oh my fucking god,” he says, kissing my lips and my cheeks and even the tip of my nose. “So good, baby.”

When I called him baby during our interview, I was mostly just trying to amp it up for Angelica’s sake. I wasn’t prepared for how right it would feel, or how it would make my insides all gooey hearing Jesse use it in return. Post orgasm, it practically brings tears to my eyes.

Not caring about the mess squishing between us, I hug him tightly and kiss his damp temple, feeling so free like I could fly.

“Can we stay here forever?” Jesse mumbles sleepily.

I chuckle and nipping the edge of his jaw. “You’ll regret that once you’re covered in dried cum,” I say and he groans. I tickle his side and kiss his mouth again, loving how we don’t have anything else to think about until tomorrow morning. “Shower with me,” I say, presenting it more of a suggestion than a question. Jesse probably still doesn’t want to make many decisions, and it brings me joy to take care of him like that.

He blinks and trails a finger along my jaw and under my lower lip. “I’ve never done that before.”

“Really?” I blurt out before I can stop myself. It’s always seemed like a pretty natural way to clean up after sex to me. “I could get us a cloth instead so we don’t have to move,” I offer, but he shakes his head.

“No, that sounds nice,” he says quickly, giving me a smile. “It sounds very…domestic. I dated a few guys in the past. But if I’m honest, they were more like regular fucks than a relationship. We never did anything like that.”

My heart aches with sadness. Then I get all possessive and proud, knowing that this is going to be something unique to us.

I lift his fingers to kiss the backs of them. “I say we shower, get cozy, make a vat of some kind of cheesy pasta, then once we’re full and sleepy, I find a different way to make you come your brains out all over again.”

He blushes furiously but also grins as he peeks at me through his lovely lashes. “Only if you get to come as well,” he whispers.

I hum and kiss his lips softly. “I’d like that a lot, baby.”

For several moments, he just looks at me, like he’s considering his next words carefully. “I like being me when I’m with you,” he says eventually. “I don’t feel like I have to hide. Even when I’m not with you, I think I’m really starting to like being me in a way I never did before.”

My throat thickens, but I manage to hold it together for his sake. “Wow. I’m honored. So does that mean…” Now I’m the one picking my words carefully. “Just now, you were okay being…fully present?”

Jesse cards his fingers through my hair. “You know what? It was overwhelming at times. But actually, it was so much better. Like, being out of it seemed like it made it safer before. But the fear of letting myself be vulnerable with nothing to dull my senses was like…I don’t know. Maybe what people feel like when they jump out of planes and then their parachute opens. It was sointense,but coming out the other side was a much moresatisfying thrill.” He blinks and looks away. “I’m talking too much.”

“You’re talking the perfect amount,” I assure him, dragging his attention back my way with a kiss. “You don’t have to explain how adrenaline works to me. That makes total sense. Do you think…you said you felt safe with me. Do you think that’s part of it? The trust lets you enjoy yourself more and be in the moment?”

His face lights up and my heart swoops. “Yeah, I think you’re right,” he says eagerly. Then his expression darkens. “The guys I used to fuck weren’t exactly what you’d call safe. Just another way I tried to self-destruct.”