Page 33 of Up In Smoke

“A fire broke out at the clown car factory,” he tells her.

“Now that, I do believe,” she replies. “Right, then. Does someone have the rings?”

“Actually, we’re going to do a hand tying ceremony,” Rico says.

“Oh, yes,” Padilla groans, slapping her forehead. “You did tell me. I’ve got everything written out on my phone.” She pulls it from her pocket and concentrates on finding the necessary information.

If anyone asks, we’re going to say we chose hand tying as a good inter-faith option. Plus, it seems appropriate for a mythical setting like this. But the real reason is we didn’t want rings because we don’t want anyone asking about our business. The less people who know we’ve done this, the better. No point in wearing a sign on our hands literally advertising the fact.

Of course, no one asks. But it’s good to be prepared.

“Ah! There we go,” Padilla cries at her phone before turning to the other captain present. “Okay. Shall we get this show on the road?” she asks Valentine.

“Sounds good to me,” he agrees, beaming at both me and Rico. “Are you two ready?”

My gaze meets Rico’s and nerves flutter through me. He raises his eyebrows, giving me one last chance to back out. He’d honor that if I did, I know. Even though he’s convinced me that this is the best course of action, it’s so typical of him to allow me one final opportunity to change my mind.

It’s in that moment of silent kindness it hits me like a train. I don’t just have a childish crush on him. I’m not just indebted to him for saving my life several times over. It’s not just that I admire his bravery as a first responder.

I love him.

I love Rico Flores.

I love everything about him, even when he’s being a bossy dick to me. I love living with him and seeing him every day. I love the sound of his voice and his laugh…even the way he sneezes is kind of cute. I love his patience and his thoughtfulness and the way he’s been the only person in the last several years to trulyseeme.

My heart aches and my eyes sting and for a second, I actually do consider backing out. Can I really do this to him? Will I survive hitching my wagon to his? If I make it through rehab, I’m going to be dedicated to resisting drugs and alcohol. Is it unreasonable to think I can resist him too?

Then he reaches out and slips his hand against mine, squeezing my fingers as he nods subtly and gives me a lopsided, adorable smile.

He wants to help me, and I want to do whatever will make him happy. I know he’ll be strong for the both of us and if there’s one thing I’ll fight to resist, it’ll be betraying his trust and confidence in me. Rico Flores sees the best possible version there could be of Jesse Silverman, and that’s the man I intend on becoming.

If not for me, for him.

“Ready,” I announce to the group, but I’m really just talking to him.

It’s okay that he’ll never love me back. He’ll only ever see me as his best friend’s little brother, but maybe…maybe we can be friends. It’s hard to go through an extreme situation like this and not get to know someone pretty well. If he still likes me when I’m on the other side of whatever mountain I’m about to climb, that will be enough for me.

I don’t deserve a man like Rico, yet he’s marrying me anyway. After the shitshow I’ve made of my life so far, I’m going to take that as a win and enjoy his company for as long as I can get it. Wishing for anything else would be not only ridiculous but also selfish, and I’m really trying hard not to live like that any longer.

This is the next chapter of my life, however it plays out.

And I’m so ready for it.

CHAPTER 10

Rico – Three Months Later

I’m sonervous and I don’t even know why. Jesse is the one who’s done all the work. It’s his life on the line. I’m just here to support him if I can now that he’s coming back home.

Home.

Yeah, okay. Maybe it’s not such a great mystery why my stomach is in knots. After three months of no contact, Jesse’s leaving rehab to live with me again. That’s going to be a big change for both of us. When he stayed with me before, it was always going to be temporary, either because he was going back to LA or coming here.

Now, though?

Now we’re married. I’m opening my home to him for the foreseeable future. Despite having all this time to prepare for it, I’m still not sure how I feel about that.

I so desperately want this treatment to have worked for him, but it might not have. Three months was basically all my insurance would cover, so he kind of has to leave now whether he’s ready to or not. He could also have left earlier, but…