Page 83 of Up In Smoke
“Just take a beat and finish that water for me, okay?” he says, his gaze searching as he looks me over. “I’ve never seen you rattled like that.”
“Sorry, sir,” I mumble into the plastic bottleneck.
But he shakes his head. “Don’t apologize for being human. I think it’s important to acknowledge, though, that some calls affect you differently when you’ve got someone in your life you truly love. Might be worth chatting about with the doc in your next therapy session. Better to understand it and be prepared.”
I shake my head. “Most people have partners or families, Cap. I don’t see them freaking out all the time.”
“Not all the time, no,” Julian says with a tilt of his head. “But every now and again something gets everyone. You ever notice how I try and keep Quick away from calls with children? And Bell’s a wreck if there’s a dog involved.”
I don’t think any of us are okay with losing kids or pets. No casualties are acceptable. But Julian is right about those specific incidences sometimes tripping up Anton and Lochlan worse than others.
“We all have our Achilles’ heels,” the captain continues kindly. “It’s important we acknowledge them so we can manage them the best we can.”
I nod, sipping at the last of the water. “Yes, sir.”
“Come on,” he says, clapping me on the shoulder. “Let’s put the rest of this bastard out before the investigators get here. We don’t want them complaining we didn’t do our jobs correctly.”
I chuckle weakly and shake my head. “No, sir. We do not.”
Pre-dawn is on the horizon by the time we finally start packing up, leaving the battered building in the hands of the investigators. We know the blaze started somewhere on the first floor, but from what we saw, the cause wasn’t obvious. Butthere were some broken bottles lying around so it’s possible that alcohol could have been used as an accelerant.
Wouldn’t that be ironic?
Finding out doesn’t always matter. However, I know this one is going to gnaw at me until we get some more information. That’s probably why I spend the rest of our shift wrapped up in my own thoughts, not entirely aware of what’s going on around me. We get back to the station and set about cleaning and restocking the rigs. In theory, we shouldn’t receive another call from Dispatch before the second watch arrives as they know we’ve been out all night. But it doesn’t always work like that when you’re the only firehouse in a small town.
Thankfully, the universe cuts us some slack, and I’m finally hurrying out into the lot to drive home. I’m not sure if Cap said anything to the team or if I was projecting a shut down vibe, but nobody makes an effort to talk to me other than to offer a friendly goodbye as I pass.
I’m grateful. The only thing on my mind as I start my engine is how badly I need to make it home as quickly as possible.
It’s not a long journey, but time seems to drag as I hit the rush hour traffic, and all the stop lights feel like they turn red just for me. Assholes. Finally, I make it back to my apartment building and almost forget to lock my car in my rush to get up to the fourth floor. I don’t even bother to call the lift and just run up the stairs instead. Given how my morning’s been so far, I wouldn’t trust it not to stall and leave me stranded between levels.
The place is quiet as I make my way through the front door. I’m guessing after the altercation last night, Jesse might still be asleep. So I slip off my shoes and tiptoe across to the bedroom, easing open the door.
There he is.
A sob of relief escapes my chest as I take in his sleeping form. Klaus is on top of the duvet snuggled up next to him, and he raises his head as I approach. “Good boy,” I murmur, leaning down to kiss the top of the dog’s head. “Guter Junge. Thank you for taking care of him when I couldn’t.”
Klaus watches as I quickly shimmy out of my jeans and carefully crawl under the covers. Jesse groans in his sleep. “Shh, baby. It’s okay,” I tell him as I wrap him in my arms.
Then another sob shudders out of me and hot tears leak down my cheeks. I bury my face in the pillow and try my best not to disturb him, but the floodgates have opened.
It doesn’t matter that my fears aren’t logical or that there isn’t any immediate danger. All I can think is that if I lose Jesse when I’ve only just found him, I don’t know what I’d do.
I don’t know how I’d survive.
CHAPTER 25
Jesse
Rico is crying.
Out of everything I’ve experienced in the past twenty-four hours, that’s the most frightening.
It takes me a second to properly wake up and realize what’s happening. Klaus whimpers as Rico wraps around me like an octopus. He’s got his face turned away like he’s trying his best to be quiet and not disturb me. But he’s clinging to me like driftwood in a storm.
I’m honored to be his lifeline. Pride and love well up in me as I turn to face him, sliding my arm around his back and kissing his neck.
“It’s okay, baby,” I tell him softly, stroking his hair. Hearing his anguish makes my heart want to break. But strangely, it also gives me strength. My husband needs me and I’m not going to let him down. “I’m here. I’m right here.”