Page 30 of Up In Smoke
We’ll see. I have so many damn things to fret about, after all.
But for the next few hours, I’m at least able to relax a little, listening to stories of how people’s lives are getting along. Yara tells us all about how her baby brother is now in community college and thinking about what career he wants to pursue. She laughs a lot, but I can tell it weighs on her having to be his parent instead of his big sister when she’s barely more than a kid herself. I make a mental note to arrange some time to sit down with her and make sure she’s getting all the support she needs. Their folks passed a while back now and I know the majority of their extended family is in Puerto Rico, so it’s up to the One-Thirteen to be there for Yara and her brother.
Teddy starts giving Sawyer shit because apparently he’s got a third date lined up with someone. I hadn’t even realized he’d been on a second one which is rare enough, but he doesn’t deny it. Although he definitely tries to play the whole thing off as not that big a deal, despite the fact that we all know his opinions on settling down. We manage to get out of him that it’s actually an older male and female couple he’s been seeing, and from his sly grin I make a wild guess that it’s a relationship mostly based around some kind of kink dynamic. But before we can wrangle anything juicier out of him, he changes the subject.
He and Anton show us photos of Rebecca’s Halloween costume, which apparently went down a storm when she was trick-or-treating. As I suspected, Sawyer’s costume was almost as elaborate as hers, but Anton, Meagan and Brent all had accessories to match the cyborg pop star theme as well. Lili teases the couples present, asking when any of them are going to think about kids. Both Lochlan and Dario as well as Teddy and Cassius laugh her off, but I’m surprised when Del and Colt get a little defensive, saying they’ve only just moved and want to investigate adopting a dog from the local shelter first.
So that means they’re thinking about kids of their own? Interesting. I didn’t know how Del felt either way. It makes me consider my own position. I’m not getting any younger, but I haven’t completely given up on the idea of being a father one day. Whether that’s solo or with a partner, I’m not sure. I guess I can file that under the things to worry about another day, along with so many other subjects.
Captain Valentine arrives just as we’re discussing Queenie and Rocky, Dario and Lochlan’s dogs from the local shelter. The guys actually met through puppy training classes and are talking Del and Colt through some of the basics for becoming pet dads. They didn’t bring the dogs tonight because of all the chaos, but we usually see Rocky at the station, and I really enjoy the rare occasions I get to walk or feed him. Perhaps that’s also where I need to start before thinking about children. There are plenty of fur babies in need of good homes, after all.
Jullian has brought a very nice whiskey with him as well as some grilled chicken drumsticks in a pineapple and coconut glaze which I can’t wait to try. He gets stuck in with the group like it’s no big deal him being here even though he’s our boss. I need to keep that in mind the next time I get in my head about being a higher rank. If I stop caring, it’s pretty obvious so will everyone else.
Julian doesn’t mention his father and I wonder how much more that’s bothering him than he’s letting on. Instead, he tells us how he’s signed up to a charity organization called Rainbow Reach that offers volunteers to be substitute family members for LGBT people let down by their own relations.
“I don’t know how much of a need there’ll be for it in Redwood Bay,” Jullian admits with a shrug as he takes a sip of whiskey, “but if a kid wants a stand-in dad at graduation or a place for Thanksgiving or to walk them down the aisle, the idea is that I can be there for them on their special day. They also liketo go to as many Pride celebrations as they can, offering dad and mom hugs to anyone who wants them.”
“That’s fantastic,” I tell him, squeezing his shoulder.
I can tell that mine aren’t the only eyes getting a little damp thinking how sad it is that in this day and age, families still fall apart because of bullshit like homophobia and transphobia. I try to subtly glance at Anton, hoping that talking about this isn’t touching a nerve for him, but I realize he’s already slipped out of the room.
The conversation moves onto other topics, including the upcoming fundraiser we’re planning at the station before Christmas. Lochlan and Lili are loudly convincing the captain that he absolutely needs to be our Santa, but I’ve been watching out for Anton and he still hasn’t come back. So without drawing much attention to my way, I extract myself from the group and head first to the bathroom for a little relief then the kitchen. I don’t see Anton anywhere and am starting to suspect he left the party without saying goodbye, when I notice a shadow shift in the darkened room adjacent to where everyone else is laughing and chatting away.
Casually, I lean on the doorframe and peer inside. Like everywhere in the house, this room currently has plenty of boxes piled inside it. But it’s illuminated by the soft blue glow coming from the large fish tank that’s home to Del and Colt’s two koi carp. At it’s base, Anton is sitting alone, looking out the French doors into the darkened back yard.
Well, he’s not quite alone. He’s got the captain’s whiskey and a glass in his hand.
“Hey, Lieutenant,” he says heavily, not even turning his head my way. “You good?”
“Yeah,” I say, tentatively making my way over and sitting cross-legged beside him with my glass of water. “I’m happy to be able to hang with you guys for a change.”
I notice nobody’s specifically asked what’s different about tonight, and I’m glad. This thing with Jesse feels so delicate, it’s important for me that it stays private for now. Like if I can keep him metaphorically wrapped in my arms and away from all the things that have been hurting him, he’ll be okay.
While he’s all mine, I can make sure he’s safe.
“How about you?” I ask, moving away from my own complicated thoughts. Because hiding in the dark with hard liquor isn’t Anton Quick’s usual style.
He laughs hollowly. “Oh, I’m fine, man,” he says, sounding anything but.
I frown, knowing he can’t really see me in the dark when we’re both facing the same way, looking out the windows. I don’t want to call him a liar, so I just let the silence stretch out. Eventually, he sighs and rolls his head to look at me through his eyelashes. It’s difficult to tell in the glow of the fish tank, but I can’t help but feel like he’s been crying.
“Really,” he says firmly, nudging my shoulder with his own. “I have an amazing daughter, and Meagan and Bret couldn’t be more supportive.”
I lick my lips, considering what I should say next. I don’t know how much of the Rainbow Reach conversation he heard, after all. “It’s okay to be sad sometimes that your parents are dicks, though. I hardly ever see mine.”
He sniffs and nods. “I know. But…no, I mean, thank you. I hear you. My family and the One-Thirteen are better than those assholes ever were. But I do get sad sometimes. You’re right. That’s normal.”
“It’s healthy,” I assure him. “It’s their fault they’re missing out on not only an amazing son but an amazing granddaughter. That sucks and I’m sorry.”
He exhales heavily, cheeks puffing out as a couple of fresh tears roll down his cheeks. “Life’s too short, man,” he mumblesaround the rim of his glass before swallowing. I want to offer him my water. However, I sense he’s not done talking, and I’m right. “You can hang around waiting for something, but it might never happen and then all you’re doing is missing out.” He frowns at me. “We shouldn’t do that, Rico. We should be brave and seize the day, right? Otherwise, before you know it, it’s too late. The opportunity’s gone…and…”
He shakes his head and sniffs, accepting the water when I offer it to him. I’m not really sure what that was about, but I don’t think he’s going to explain any further. The fact he’s letting me hydrate him a little makes me happy enough for now.
I’m distracted when my phone pings with a message notification. Trying not to look frantic, I pull it quickly from my pocket and when I see Jesse’s name above the text, my heart leaps. Which is silly really, considering there are only two words written. But they’re crucial ones.
JESSE: I’m in
And just like that, my whole world changes. My future changes.