Page 89 of Up In Smoke
Hearing him say that makes my heart soar. “Yeah, she was always kind to me. I’d really love it if they could see Jesse thriving. I think there’s a part of him that’s still that little kid, just doing all he can to get their attention. If he knew they cared, I’m certain it would be so healing.”
Adam nods thoughtfully. “That’s something we can work toward, I’m sure. I’ll chat with Jesse tomorrow about it. You know, now that I’mallowed to talk to you guys again.”
I wince. “How long are you going to lord that over us?”
“Probably forever,” he says with a wink.
“That’s fair,” I admit.
“It’s kind of wild.” he says thoughtfully. “I was beside myself that I couldn’t be there for Jesse that night. Turns out, askingyou to check in on him was the best thing that could have happened, right?”
“Damn right,” I agree wholeheartedly.
“Alice had the measure of it all along,” Adam continues. “I wasn’t doing my brother any favors by coddling him. I should have sent you to him years ago.”
I shake my head. “This was the right time, trust me. But I think Jesse would love the chance to win Alice over at some point. He knows he put a lot of pressure on your marriage and he hates that.”
Adam waves me off. “Water under the bridge. But, yeah. I think she’ll be really happy to hear about all this. Thank you, Rico. Really. Our family might finally come back together because of you.”
“And Jesse,” I say firmly. “He knows he caused a lot of problems, but he’s worked so hard at his recovery. My good intentions wouldn’t mean anything if he didn’t really want this.”
Adam nods and stands back up to carry on walking. “I can’t wait to hear his side of all this. But I’m glad you called today, man. Don’t let your parents ruin this for you. We’ve always been brothers in spirit, but now we are in law, too. So know that you’ve got all the family you need already, whether or not they come around.”
“Thanks, Adam,” I say warmly. “That means a lot. Speak soon?”
“Yeah, now you’re not hiding gigantic secrets,” he says teasingly, and I groan. “Love you, brother. Take care.”
“Love you, too,” I say, then close the call.
I wish the conversation with my folks had gone better. But Adam’s right. Sometimes, family is what you make it, not blood. Now that he knows everything and so does the One-Thirteen, it feels like Jesse and I can start our journey as a real couple. Especially as the insurance company is off our backs.
My parents can disapprove all they want. Jesse is the one for me, and I dare anyone to prove me wrong.
CHAPTER 27
Jesse
I’m still buzzingfrom my conversation with Adam earlier. We were on the phone for almost two hours catching up. I think in the back of my mind, I’ve been worried that there were some things I’d broken beyond repair no matter how hard I worked at recovery. We talk a lot in meetings about how nobody owes you forgiveness, so there are going to be times when you have to accept people not wanting to let you back into their lives and move on.
But my relationship with my family has always been something I’ve clung to with child-like hope. I know from group therapy that a lot of addicts find themselves in such a bad way because they have no home to go back to. That’s basically been my situation for the last several years.
So to see how happy Adam was hearing about both my sobriety journey and mine and Rico’s relationship was a relief I didn’t know I desperately needed. What was even more insane, though, was when Adam’s wife, Alice, leaned in to say hello and offer me congratulations on everything. She’s always been the one telling Adam to stop wasting time on me, and in her defense, she was right. If I can mend fences with her that would go a longway to having more of a relationship with my brother again, not to mention my niece and nephew.
Adam even talked about scheduling a group video call with our parents, which makes me nervous and excited at the same time. We agreed to take things slowly, but I’m aching to prove to them that I’m not the complete failure they’ve assumed me to be for so long. All I’ve ever wanted was their approval. Their love.
Having Rico’s love and approval gives me confidence that they’ll at least be open to the idea. They always liked Rico, so his support will hopefully help them start to change their minds.
As I cook dinner that evening, I let my imagination get carried away as I picture a big family reunion for the Fourth of July or something. I envision myself clean and sober, earning good money at a job I love, with my incredible husband by my side.
But I don’t have to imagine it, because it’s already reality. I just want them to see it and celebrate it, I suppose. I’m still that little kid in some ways, always looking for applause to reassure me that I’m doing all right.
How crazy is it that only six months ago, it was a totally different story? My life is unrecognizable. I kind of want to reach back in time and shake my old self, to tell him to just hold on because help is around the corner.
And that help is not only gorgeous and hot as hell in the bedroom, but has the biggest, best heart I’ll ever know.
“Aren’t we both so lucky we found a home here?” I say to Klaus, who’s being a very good boy laying down at the threshold of the kitchen. He knows that even though he can smell food, it’s not safe for him to come any closer when we’re cooking.
He wags his tail at me and my heart aches. What are we going to do when the time comes to give him up to a forever home? I know that a two-bedroom apartment isn’t fair on a fully grown German Shepherd, and he should go somewhere he can have aback yard. But the idea of letting him go chokes me up. I love him so much.