Page 39 of Up In Smoke
But what really gets me are the framed photos of my brother and I, as well as a few of his kids, my niece and nephew. And above the headboard is a gorgeous canvas painting of a lemon-yellow Lamborghini Huracán.
“Adam said that was your favorite,” Rico says, presumably catching me staring at it in disbelief. “I found the print on sale, but if you don’t like it?—”
“I love it,” I interrupt, spinning to look at him and not even caring that my eyes are welling up again. Because I’m just so fucking touched I can’t even right now. “I love all of it. Rico, this is…you didn’t have to do this. It’s perfect.”
He beams at me and gently touches my elbow. “Welcome home, Jesse,” he says, before ducking his head and leaving to give me some time alone.
I really do want to get changed and go for a run. But for a minute or two, I just stare at the room he’s made such an effort to make feel like mine.
“Home,” I murmur to myself, rubbing my chest again because my heart is still feeling like it might burst. This is overwhelming, but in a good way for once.
As I take in this room, it feels like love.
Nobody has ever made me feel so special, not even my own parents when I was a kid. Certainly not any of those Hollywood phonies who used to shower me with expensive gifts. What Rico has done here is priceless.
Everything he’s done and said today feels like love.
But that can’t be right, can it? He’s just being kind and thoughtful, like always. It would be foolish to imagine that he doesn’t just see me as a charity case. That he could possibly have…feelings…for me. Hoping for more is only going to break my heart.
I can’t stop myself from doing it anyway.
CHAPTER 12
Rico
I hate house fires.No fire call is good, obviously. But knowing we’ve been called to someone’s home brings its own special brand of urgency and dread.
Thankfully’ today’s call isn’t too bad. The family all made it out with minimal smoke inhalation. Even the very disgruntled looking cat that’s currently wrapped up in a blanket in one of the kids’ arms so she can’t run off and add to the drama of the day. Neighbors have come to consol them and watch as we douse the last of the flames.
Like the family in question, some of them are still in their pajamas. This was our first call of the day. I’d barely parked my car before the tones sounded. The third watch almost stayed overtime to take it, but they looked dead on their feet from dealing with an arson attack on a church of all places. So Captain Valentine rallied us as fast as he could.
I’m not too optimistic the family will be able to repair the structure. To my eye, it looks like the whole building will have to be torn down so they can start from scratch. But less than half the house actually succumbed to the fire, and we tried to keep the water damage to that side as well. So there’s every chance the family will be able to salvage a great number of theirpossessions. No doubt they’re in horrible shock right now, but hopefully they’ll be okay.
What matters is no lives were lost. I’ll always say a little prayer of gratitude for days like that.
A wave of grief catches me off guard. Snatches of the past, coming back to haunt me.
I’m thankful Teddy and Sawyer are currently manning the hoses, so I can step back for a moment and take a breath by myself. I know my emotions have been running high ever since Jesse came back home, but I absolutely cannot let that affect me while I’m at work. These are memories I usually keep locked up tight.
Jesse is just…in my head. Weakening my defenses.
I don’t think being concerned about him is a bad thing. I’m not controlling his every move or anything like that. Far from it. But it feels like my thoughts somehow swirl around him all the time. It’s only been a few days since he moved back in, but I find myself excited to see him in the morning, whether that’s waking up or coming home from work. I want to tell him everything that’s happened in my day and hear all about his, even if he’s just been sitting at my computer, job hunting. I’m interested in what he ate for lunch and the things he saw when he was out running.
That sounds kind of creepy and pathetic to say out loud, so I haven’t. But I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve almost blurted out some Jesse related comment to someone at work. The situation is complicated, though, and I still feel like I need to keep him in a bubble for now so I can protect him.
It’s difficult when he’s become such a big part of my life so quickly. I knew we’d formed a connection back in October, and that was before we even got married. But post-rehab, it’s like we’re on a whole new level. We have known each other for almost a couple of decades, although that was mostly estranged. I can’t figure it out. It’s as if we’ve been circling around oneanother for all this time, so when Jesse got treatment and then we found our lives intwined again, we skipped ahead several steps and became so close it’s kind of dizzying.
I’m not sure if what I’m feeling is okay. It’s probably a giant red flag that I haven’t mentioned much at all to Adam, just giving him generic updates like I’m Jesse’s landlord rather than him being the reason I fling myself out of bed every morning.
Jesse is vulnerable. He’s off limits. Yet it’s becoming increasingly obvious to me that my whole world is starting to revolve around him, and I’m scared what that might mean.
I’m even more terrified to find out how he feels. Because some of the glances I’ve caught him throwing my way have made my stomach swoop and my heart stutter.
It seems taboo to even think but…is there something between us?
That right there is crazy talk, and I need to get a grip on myself. I storm over to the rig and grab a bottle of water, downing half of it, then tipping the other half over my head. Between the fire and the regular California heat, I appreciate the cool rush. It also helps me shake away this train of thought.
There’s no way in hell Jesse and I could be anything…more. I could never take advantage of him like that, not to mention betray Adam’s trust. And Jesse doesn’t see me that way, so the whole point is mute.