Page 13 of Up In Smoke

That might be true for my brother, but he can’t possibly mean it for the two of us. We were never really close. Even if he’s only being kind, though, I don’t have it in me to resist. I’ve been fighting all alone for so long just to survive.

He’s offering me a chance to rest.

To breathe.

I can’t make the words form. However, I manage to nod as I somehow find more tears to cry. Before I realize what I’m doing, I’m reaching for him. What’s more surprising is that he doesn’t hesitate. He leans forward and wraps his arms carefully around me, aware of my ribs, letting me sob in his arms.

“Let’s go home,” he says when I’ve exhausted myself.

‘Home.’

Ha.

That’s not the word. But I’m sure it’ll be a hundred times better than this shithole. So I finally stop resisting for real and let myself be taken away.

So long, LA. Maybe I’ll be back tomorrow.

Maybe this is the end in a different form.

All I know is that right now, I’m not alone. My body still aches, and my heart is a dark hollow shell of skepticism. But when we stop for burgers and shakes on the drive to this little town of his, my belly is no longer empty. Rico doesn’t ask questions or make me feel judged. He simply lets me fall asleep in his passenger seat, and I trust that he won’t mess with me while I’m out.

That’s more than anyone’s given me in years. So sue me if I’m going to make the most of it while it lasts.

CHAPTER 4

Rico

This might bethe most insane thing I’ve ever done. Yet at the same time, it makes perfect sense.

Jesse needs Adam, but Adam can’t be here for him. Actually, no. Adam has given Jesse everything he possibly can. He’s got nothing left for him, so now it’s my turn to step up to the plate.

I can’t help but feel like I’m Jesse’s last chance.

Sorry,Jay.That rubs me up the wrong way simply because it doesn’t ring true at all. But I’ll respect it until he tells me otherwise, if he ever does.

In my head he’s still Jesse for the time being, and Jesse has been alone in my apartment for over twenty-four hours now. If he’s even still there. It’s occurred to me more than once during this shift there’s every chance he could have robbed me blind and already be back in LA by now, drunk again.

Or worse.

Those bruises have been haunting my thoughts. It’s obvious he got a beating, probably only hours before I showed up at his place judging by the way they’d changed color quite spectacularly by the time I left yesterday morning.

It wasn’t like I’d meant to snoop on him. I just put my head around the spare bedroom door before heading out to work tomake sure he was okay. The covers were pulled down, and he was only wearing boxers as he slept.

Seeing all his cuts and bruises made me feel like I’d been given a hard blow myself. I know he hasn’t always been an angel, but it does seem to me like life also hasn’t been very fair to Jesse Silverman at times. Did he do something to warrant retaliation? I wouldn’t be surprised if he was mixed up in stupid or illegal shit.

But nobody deserves a physical punishment like that. Especially not someone who looks so young and helpless when they sleep.

Between the naps he took at his place and in my car, then catching a glimpse of him as I left for my shift, I can safely say that vulnerability is not a one-off or something he was faking. When Jesse’s asleep, he lets his defenses down. The angry mask slips away and then I see him.

The sweet kid who saved my favorite Halloween candies for me. The kind, talented boy I used to know is still there. I believe it, even if he’s buried deep.

But he’s clearly living with demons, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they were the ones steering the wheel more often than not. If they’ve whispered into his ear that he could get plenty of money from pawning my laptop, my watch, and whatever else he can find, then I could be heading back into a disaster zone of my own making. At least my phone, wallet and car have been with me here at the station.

“Got much planned for today, Lieutenant?” one of my guys, Anton Quick, asks as the last few members of the One-Thirteen pack up in the locker room.

“Uh, not much,” I say, trying not to feel or sound guilty.

There’s no reason to, after all. Adam was incredibly relived when I suggested bringing Jesse back from LA with me, so it’s not like I kidnapped him or anything. But I guess the situationis delicate and I don’t feel like splashing Jesse’s business all over the station. Especially when I told the crew his story only a few weeks ago. I didn’t mention his name, obviously, but I’d hate for him to think I was gossiping about his personal affairs with my colleagues.