Page 26 of Up In Smoke
“About seven years,” he says as he indicates with a jerk of his chin that we should sit under a couple of nearby palm trees.
Once we’re settled on the sand, I unwrap the foil around my burrito and chew a bite before asking my next question. “Do you ever go home?”
He glances over at me. “To Ash Springs?” I nod. “Uh, sure. I see my family when I can. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Fourth of July, that sort of thing. But my parents seem to be living their lives from one cruise to the next, so sometimes it’s a while between visits.” He inhales and closes his eyes for a second. “Redwood Bay is home now, anyhow. I can see myself here for a very long time.”
“That’s nice,” I tell him as sincerely as I can.
I do think it’s cool if people find a place that makes them happy and can picture their futures there. I’ve never really been a forward-thinking kind of guy. But then again, I’ve never lived anywhere I’ve loved. It’s always just been wherever I can afford until the next fuck-up happens and I have to uproot again.
“Your parents moved out of Nevada,” Rico prompts. Of course he’d know that through Adam. Hell, he’s probably more informed about my family than I am.
“Yeah, to Colorado,” I tell him. “My mom calls every now and again.”
I think she feels like she has to make sure I’m still alive, but it’s always awkward as fuck hearing the disappointment in her voice that I haven’t magically straightened my shit out since we last spoke. I’ve dodged her last couple of calls.
The ridiculous notion that next time I might be able to pick up the phone flitters through my brain, but I’m sure that’s simply wishful thinking. Just because I like the idea of cleaning up my act today doesn’t mean I won’t be back to my no-good ways tomorrow.
We finish our breakfast in comfortable quiet. I lose myself in watching the waves crash on the shore over and over again, the rhythm of it soothing. I’m glad I’m here to see this. It’s a long time since I appreciated how much joy there is in life, but it’s all around us. I think I need to take the time to look a little harder, which shouldn’t be so challenging when I have natural beauty like this on my doorstep.
At least for as long as I’m in this place. Like I said, I don’t dwell much on the future because I don’t trust it’ll ever happen the way I hope it will.
After putting our empty wrappers in the trash, Rico sits back down beside me and puffs his cheeks out. “Are you ready for my insanity now?” he asks. I guess I was right, and we weren’t done with the conversation.
“Fire away, Lieutenant,” I say with a mock salute. He gives me a strange smile. “What?” I ask.
“Nothing,” he says with a chuckle. “It’s just funny hearing you call me that. I didn’t even think you knew my rank.”
I shrug like it’s no big deal. He never needs to know that I’ve clung to every detail my brother has ever shared with me about his best friend since we were teenagers.
“Anyway,” he continues before the moment can get weird. “I have this idea. It’s…out of the box. But if you’re really serious about giving rehab one more shot, it could just work.”
I would love to tell him I have no doubts and that if he has a way to get me into a decent facility, I’ll never fuck up again. But I know myself and my track record. If it’s a choice between lettinghim (and myself and my brother) down yet again and never even trying…I’m not sure which one I’d pick.
“It’s hard to seriously consider something that’s impossible,” I tell him honestly. “Rehab, I mean. Without insurance, it’s a fairy tale. But I have been thinking about?—”
He speaks over me.
I finish saying, “—going to an AA meeting.”
Just as he says, “What if we got married?”
We stare at each other. He looks apprehensive, but my brain has ground to a halt. “I-I’m sorry,” I manage to utter after a few more seconds. “But…what did you just say?”
He shifts in the sand and reaches forward to cradle my hands in his. I’m too shocked to protest. Besides, his skin feels so warm and comforting against mine. Despite the fact that my ears are ringing and dizziness is washing through me, his touch is keeping me grounded.
“I know it would be a teeny, tiny bit illegal,” he says with determination. “We’d have to tell some white lies. But I get great benefits which would extend to my spouse. Which…if we got married…would be you. There are a couple of facilities near here you’d be covered for. We could check them out to see if you like the look of any of them before committing to anything, but you’d be eligible. I already checked.”
For a moment, I simply stare at him until I can get my voice working again. “If I married you?” I ask faintly.
He nods. “Obviously, we’d be taking a risk. That’s why I’ll need you to think hard if sobriety is not only something you actually want, but also something you’d be willing to work your ass off for. Attending meetings is an excellent idea, too. But if you do that after going somewhere to dry out and get some therapy, statistically I think you’re much more likely to beat this addiction for real.”
My head is still spinning. “Yeah, that’s all true. But I think you’re being far too causal about thegetting marriedpart of this plan.”
“I’ve thought about that,” he says, sounding alarmingly eager and practical, like he’s solving a math equation. “We can tell people that we kept the relationship private because you’re my best friend’s younger brother and we wanted to make sure about how we felt before going public. Then be sort of honest that we rushed into getting married so you could get on my insurance, but people do that all the time. As long as we don’t shout about it, I think we should be fine to fly under the radar. But I do have a friend at work whose husband is a lawyer and knows how to keep a secret. So we could run it by him as well to make sure we’re not missing anything obvious that could get us into trouble.”
I take a second to try and digest everything he’s just said. No, it still sounds exactly as insane as he promised it would do. “Rico,” I say softly. “You’re talking about gettingmarried.That’s a big deal. We might have known each other for years but we actuallyknowvery little about each other. Are you sure you’ve thought this through? It’s a huge deal.”
“Oh, um.” He pulls his hands away and looks embarrassed. “Sorry, I should have considered more the religious implications?—”