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His forgiveness is what shatters me. His love and devotion to my happiness are what will ruin me entirely.
“Are you okay?” I ask him genuinely once again, desperate to put the attention and comfort on him. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes when he left me. The primal man he became. The way he fought Liam … because of me. My voice catches in my throat as I finally lean toward him and let the tips of my fingers trail over the faint bruise. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.
He turns his head, capturing my fingers with his hand and kissing their tips before looking at me. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Jules.” His eyes brim with sincerity. “You never did,” he says.
Tears prick my eyes, and I don’t know which cause is in the forefront. The fear of what happened tonight? The desire to run away from what my life has become?
Or the love I feel for this man.
Maybe it’s something instinctual for a woman to want to stay with someone who would fight to protect them. Maybe I feel I owe him for what he’s done. All I know is that I can’t deny what I feel.
His cold gray eyes stare deep into my own as he cups my chin in his hand and his gaze falls to my lips. He says softly, “I need you, Jules. Even if it’s not real …” his voice chokes at the word but he continues with a pained look in his eyes, “Right now, I just need to feel like you love me again.”
His hand slips behind my head, holding me still as his fingers tangle in my locks and his hot lips press against mine. I mold my lips to his and part them when he traces the seam with his tongue. My body obeys his and he takes full advantage, pushing against me until my back hits the seat and he settles his hips between my legs. He pins my hips down as he rocks against me, all the while stealing kisses and deepening the intensity. I break away to breathe.
My chest rises as he nibbles along my neck, desire shooting through me and making my nipples pebble.
“I love you, Jules,” he whispers into the crook of my neck.
My heart aches. I want to love this man, not because of him, not because of his actions, but because of how I feel about him. A true love-hate relationship. Hot and cold.
I can see myself falling into his arms while simultaneously making plans to sneak out of his bed late at night. I’m ruined beyond repair, and I only blame myself.
MASON
It slips through my fingers,
That which I cannot hold.
I cry for it, would die for it,
This love I can’t control.
The only friend I ever had is dead to me.
The woman I love tried again to leave me, and only came back because she was threatened.
My father may be trying to kill the woman I love. If not him, then someone else.
I’ve run my business into the ground and with my reputation in the shitter, I don’t think I’ll ever come back from it.
Last, a secret is out there that could destroy me, evidence that I murdered a man, and I haven’t a clue who it is that knows or what they have on me. I’m waiting in the dark, and I can feel my sanity slipping away.
I imagine this is what they mean when they say rock bottom. I slip the heavy law textbook back into its place on the bookshelfas I hear my father’s office door open and then close. I don’t turn around to face him. I don’t have to in order to know it’s him.
My father's voice bellows from behind me. “You need to relax, Mason. That shit you pulled?—”
“What does it matter?” I say, cutting him off and turning to face him as his forehead creases with anger.
“You look like you’ve lost it,” he hisses at me, slapping the newspaper in his hand down onto his desk as he takes his seat.
“I have though, haven’t I?” It’s the conclusion I come to, knowing Jules was going to leave me. Again. That’s what did me in this time. I take in a heavy breath.
It’s all the lies too. Keeping track of them has pulled its weight in bringing me down.
I don’t even know what’s the truth anymore or who to trust. I only know that I hate everyone I’m surrounded by except for the one person who’s desperate to leave me.
“I need the truth,” I say, getting straight to the point as I stare my father in the eyes. Although I know it doesn’t matter, I add, “Don’t lie to me.”