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“Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you.” His tone changes to sympathetic and I hate this moment. I hate feeling weak and not knowing what to do or say.
“Please don’t worry about me, Jacob.” My voice is as strong as I can make it.
“First of all,” he says with a gorgeous smile, “it’s Jake.” I can’t help the small laugh that slips out at how serious he is. “And second, I’m not worrying, just being there for someone. That’s all.”
All my misgivings about him leave me as I look into his kind dark green, hazel eyes. He’s the rugged kind of handsomeI would have been drawn to back when I was single. I’m honest enough to admit I’m drawn to him now.
He’s a good guy, and I can feel that in my bones.
“That’s very nice of you, but I think …” I start to say and pause as I try to figure out how to word what I’m thinking without sounding pathetic.I’m still in love with my ex, pregnant with his child, confused and feeling alone. Even if he’s in jail and we’re separated, I can’t stop worrying about him.Instead, all I can manage is a mix between a groan and a sigh. I conclude with a simply stated, “I’m just a mess over it all.”
“Hey, let’s just end it there?” he suggests. “I don’t have many friends here and I put my nose where it didn’t belong. I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“You’re not in the wrong here.”
“I’m not in the right either, am I?”
“What do you mean?” I ask him like I’m oblivious. I know exactly what he means.
“I—” he starts to say but then stops himself and lets out a short laugh before rubbing his eyes. “Sorry, I’ve been up all night working on this manuscript.”
I see the opening to steer the conversation back to work and take it. To keep this relationship just business. “I could bury myself in manuscripts right now.”
Jacob lets out a charming laugh and I find myself slipping into the one role I know I’m good at. “Have you thought about who you’d like to be your agent and represent you?” I almost roll my eyes at the question.
“You’re shameless,” he says with a wicked grin.
“I know,” I answer him and smile into my cup. The smile is oddly genuine given my state just a moment ago, but Jacob has a way of making me feel calm and relaxed.
“I’m not ready to talk to any publishers. I still don’t know what I want to do with this one yet.”
“Want to tell me about it?”
“Well, it’s about me. Sort of.” He leans back and spreads his legs wider, my eyes drawn to his broad chest as he glances out the picture window at the front of the shop. “My ex, really.” He runs his hand through his hair.
I nod my head and reply, “So, it’s an emotional book for you. Maybe one to feed your soul, more than your family.”
“I have no family to feed, so that’d be an easy one,” he jokes. “But yeah. It’s more just for me, I think.”
“What’s the plot about, if you don’t mind me asking?” I pry gently as I pick up a sugar packet from the table. I have no intention of adding it to my drink, but I think best when I have something to fidget with. Again, I cling to the chance to talk about work. I’m more than grateful for this distraction. I’d rather talk books all day long than anything else.
“We were high school sweethearts who beat the odds, but we just didn’t get that happily ever after, you know?”
I feel a sharp pain in my heart, one that knocks the wind out of me. Another romance story gone south. “Why didn’t it work out?”
“She’d been cheating on me for a while. I found out when she got pregnant and the dates didn’t add up.”
“That’ll do it,” I say as my mind wanders back to Evan. To his infidelity before we were married but still together. And to my little secret.
“Turns out it was my best friend.”
“Oh no.” A pout pulls down my smile and I feel gutted for him. “Double betrayal.”
“That’d make a good title,” he replies and then chews on his lower lip.
A feeling of shame settles on my shoulders. Evan and I are over, and I shouldn’t feel like this is wrong. But for the first time in years, I feelsomethingfor someone else.
There’s no way I can justify this feeling right now. Not when I haven’t had time to get over Evan. Not when the thought of getting over him cripples me. What’s Sue always telling Maddie, though? The best way to get over one man is to get under another. Sitting here right now, I understand the sentiment.