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I text her to tell me when she's available to talk and I get no response.
I text Brian to tell him what happened and ask what to do and all he can say is that sometimes women are emotional and to give her space.
That doesn’t feel right. None of this feels right. But I have no experience in these matters. I don’t know what the fuck happened, let alone what to do.
It keeps me awake all night. I can’t sleep. I can’t even lie down. I just keep staring at my phone, typing out messages and deleting them.
I’ve been a fool. I took her to meet my friends, but the problem is that I don’t know any ofherfriends. There’s nobody I can call to find out what happened. If I did, it would beoverstepping a boundary. She already safeworded me. Legally I probably committed a crime entering her house like that. Maddie’s never introduced me to any of her friends, she’s only talked about a few people in passing. If she wanted me to meet them, she would have made that happen. I have to remind myself that what we have is an arrangement, and it’s one she needs so she’ll come back. She’ll answer me when she’s in better spirits and she’ll tell me what happened. She has to, doesn’t she?
Uncertainty washes through me and I feel like an even bigger prick assuming money will keep her coming back to me.Fuck!
All through the evening and then the next day she never texts me and never calls.
The only person whodoescall is Harland Porter.
He calls at one in the fucking morning, and when my phone rings, everything in me lights up. It’s her. It’sher.
But it’s Harland goddamn Porter.
“What is it?” I snap, not caring if he doesn’t like my tone.
“I’ve been up, just going through some things in my head, and I wanted to run them?—”
“Harland, if you want to sell me the building, then sell the damn thing to me. If you don’t want to, then stop stringing me along. I’ve had enough of this. You know where I stand. Make up your mind by tomorrow at five, or I’m pulling out.”
That shocks him into silence. “Graham, I?—”
“Tomorrow at five,” I repeat, and hang up the call.
My entire body trembles as I sit back down and stare at the security cameras. I text Brian to ask how bad it may get if I were to go back down there. And foolishly I text Maddie again and she texts back that she needs to sleep.
Graham: what happened?
Maddie: I need to get back to sleep.
Graham: you told me that but I need to know what happened.
Maddie: I can’t right now. I just…I’m sorry.
It’s then that Brian texts me as well.
Brian: Seriously. Just give her some time.
I drop my phone, hating every fucking minute of this. Sometime after dawn I doze off on the couch in my living room and wake up again with a jolt at ten to nine.
Fuck me.
I’m usually in the office by now, but I feel wrecked from the night awake. Every single one of my muscles hurts like I’ve run a marathon. I stomp into my shower and let the hot water do its work. The steam surrounds me and my head races with every thought imaginable. The only conclusion I come to is that she’s leaving. Something happened to pull her away. Was it her fucking ex? I don’t know what I’ll do if she’s actually leaving me.
There are no messages from Harland Porter on my phone when I get out, but I don’t care.
I don’tcare.What the hell was so important about this property? What was I trying to prove by sticking things out with a man who doesn’t know what he wants? The only things that matter are Maddie and the fact that she didn’t message me.
I shave at the sink, barely looking at myself. This is a horrible feeling. It’s the feeling I’ve been resisting for years. I didn’t want anything to be more important than making sure I had the right life, and I was wrong.
I was just wrong.
I tap the razor too hard on the edge of the sink and get a grip on myself.