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“Let it all out,” Sue says but I shake my head, my hair ruffling on her shoulder as I sniffle. Sue smells like wine. She sways a little and squeezes me tight. She’s definitely more than tipsy.
“I’m sorry, guys. It wasn’t supposed to turn into this.” I push out the apology, wishing we were having the fun night I promised as I stand up straight and pull my shit together. Sue tries to hold on to me a little longer, but I push her away. I can handle this. At one point in my life I was so good at being alone.
“I’m fine,” I tell them, stepping away for a moment and shaking out my hands. “I’m sorry.”
It takes a few deep breaths and Sue refilling the empty glasses of wine on the counter for me to get over whatever this breakdown was.
“Don’t be sorry. It’s a sad time no matter how much you don’t want it to be.” Maddie’s the first to say something and Jules nods.
“It’s going to be okay, though,” Jules says and then Sue chimes in with, “You’ve got us, babe. We’ll always be here for you, and that’s all you need.”
“Well, maybe a vibrator too,” Sue adds a moment later and a genuine laugh erupts from my lips. It’s short and unexpected, and fills the room. But it felt so good to laugh. To smile. To feel anything other than this darkness that’s been a constant shadow over me.
“Do you want another?” Sue asks me, nearly spilling the wine from a glass poured too full as she tries to hand it to me. I haven’t had a drink all night.
“If I do, I’m going to pass out.” Just as I answer, another yawn hits me. “It’s been a while since I’ve been able to sleep through the night.”
“I’ll take it,” Maddie offers and immediately sets it back down on the counter.
“So it’s really over?” Sue asks and then takes a sip. For the first time, I see something in her eyes I haven’t before. I see sorrow. Genuine pain. As if even Sue was rooting for us. Sue, the valiant heroine against men who cheat and lie.
I nod, ignoring how the emotions swell up again. I haven’t told them that he cheated on me back when we first started dating. I can’t admit it. I don’t want to say the words out loud and make them real. I don’t want them to see him as a villain. I love him too much to paint him in that light. Or maybe it’s the shame that I still love him even after knowing what he did.
“We’re just in two different places and it’s better to be apart.” I shrug and add, “But we always were, you know? Like this shouldn’t be too shocking.”
“He doesn’t want to change?” Maddie asks. There’s always hope in Maddie and I wish I could hold on to that.
“Men don’t change,” Sue says woefully. “I’m sorry. I’m doing it again,” she says, shaking her head. “Sometimes it still hurts, you know? And I don’t want you to go through what I did. I promise you, it’s the last thing I want for you.” Her voice gets a little tight, but she shakes it off quickly.
I love Sue, and I remember how hard her divorce was on her. But I swear this is different.It has to be.Her ex was vile and brutal. Evan isn’t any of that. He’d never hurt me intentionally. He’s just … he’s just Evan.
“He said he wants to fix it,” I answer as I watch Maddie sip from the glass without picking it up. Instead she crouches down, bringing her lips to the rim to sip. My lips tug into an asymmetrical smile for just a moment at the sight.
“It’s not what he says.” The hardness in her voice is absent, but there’s still a finality in Sue’s statement. “It would be hard for him to change, wouldn’t it? He’s been this way for years.”
It’s meant to be a rhetorical question, but the answer rings clear in my head. He did something bad. Something that he needed an alibi for. That’s enough of a reason to change everything at once.
I stare at the dark red liquid. Sue’s voice turns to white noise as she tells a story about something that makes the other girlslaugh and I laugh too, when they do. I don’t know if it’s the first time he’s needed an alibi. Or the second or the third. But it’s the first time he changed. I knew something was off before the article. Before he told me anything. Before the lies.
I knew something was different.
And I didn’t even bother to ask him what he’d done.
EVAN
There’s a slow prick of irritation crawling down my spine as I sit in the chair across from James. Every limb feels the need to move, like a spider is climbing its way down my back. My fingers dig into the hard wood of the armrests as I stay perfectly still, staring down my former boss. Former friend. Now enemy.
“You aren’t the best at listening,” he says from across the room as he closes a drawer. The city lights creep in through the window behind him, casting shadows over the large desk.
“I don’t follow orders,” I grit out from between clenched teeth. My words come out menacing, but I don’t mean for them to. One more meeting, and this is over. I’m done with him. He’s yet to get that message or to tell me what the hell is going on.
James leans forward, clasping his hands together and his perfectly tailored suit wrinkles beneath his arms, making the fabric look cheap. He’s always looked just a bit cheap. Regardless of the brand or how expensive his tastes are. Some assholes will always look like a knockoff.
He taps his fingers on the desk, but my eyes don’t leave his. “The reason I called you in here is simple, Evan. The new clientwe have likes to live on the reckless side, and I’m concerned about drug abuse.”
A gruff exhale leaves me from deep down in my chest. “I quit.” I ignore the fact that he’s hinting around what happened with Tony. My skin tingles and that feeling of a spider crawling on me comes back. I can’t help but think he’s recording this conversation. Everything in my gut has been telling me there’s a setup and that I’m going to take the fall for what happened.
It was my fault, so I should be taking the blame regardless. On my terms, not this prick’s and he’s responsible for the way it went down. Some of the blame rests on his shoulders.