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“Oh, it’s probably not...it’s nothing, really.”
“Did you meet someone?” she guesses. Suzette is sharp as a whip.
My face gets hot. The truth is that part of me wants to tell everybody I meet about Graham, but the other part wants to keep him a secret. That way, what we have together only belongs to me. Well that and the fact that I exchanged sex for rent also stays a secret.
“Maddie!” Suzette nudges my elbow with hers, and for a second I fear she can read my mind. “I can see you blushing. Did you meet a guy? No, no…tell mewhereyou met a guy. I can tell you have a crush.”
I swallow thickly, holding onto my paper coffee cup with both hands. “You can’t say anything.”
Her eyebrows go up. “A secret boyfriend?” I can tell she wants to laugh, and I let out a long breath.
“He’s not myboyfriend.” I glance around us, but there’s nobody even close to recognizable on the street. The city block looks vibrant in the sun. “He’s just...someone I met.”
“Blind date?”
“Actually...” I steel myself to tell her the truth; my heart beats faster. “I met him in an elevator”—she eyes me, waiting for more details—“and I first saw him when I was still with Kevin.”
Her mouth drops open. “Madelyn.” She whispers my name, and it takes everything in me not to respondyes, Mother.
“I didn’t find out until after Kevin left that he owns the building.”
“And you’redating?” she drags out the word as if it’s unbelievable. Which it is because we are not dating.
“Shh!” I look around again, but the only people in sight don’t seem to have noticed. “And no. We’re not dating.”
“Whatisgoing on, then? I know you, and I know something is going on. I have to know!”
My heart beats hard as I question whether or not to tell her. With my nerves racing and her wide eyes boring into me with desperation, I know I have to tell her. Besides, Suzette would never judge me. She’s been married, divorced, and involved in an office scandal with her boss. All the while, I’ve been there for her. I swallow down my fears knowing out of all the people in the world, she might get what I’m feeling. The good and the bad.
“I needed some help with the rent.” Now that the moment is here, I don’t know how to describe it in a way that’s not going to make it seem...immoral. “So I asked, and he offered me an...arrangement.”
Her eyes brighten. Her cheeks turn a bright pink and her voice raises in octave. “Like...a sexy arrangement?”
“You wouldn’t believe how sexy it is.”
Suzette tips her head back and stares at the sky in disbelief. Then she picks it back up and looks at me. “Maddie, that’s?—”
“Wrong. I know. I shouldn’t sleep with anyone to pay the rent, much less?—”
“That’shot.” She corrects, stopping in her tracks and waiting for me to look her in the eyes.
“—a man who happens to…what?” It takes me a moment to realize what she’s said.
“That’s hot. And adventurous. I don’t think I’d have been brave enough to take him up on it. Was it in his office?”
“My place.”
“So now your rent’s covered for the year?”
“The month,” I say quickly. “It’s not supposed to be anything long-term. A one-time deal…that turned into a two-time thing.” I start to explain but then slam my lips shut.
Suzette immediately looks skeptical. “Yeah, right. I bet he fell for you already. There will be a third time,” she states matter of factly, taking a sip of her coffee. We continue walking down the sidewalks of Manhattan.
I think of Graham standing at the door of my apartment, his eyes dark, desire clear on his face. At the time, I wouldn’t have said it was love, and I probably still wouldn’t, because...
Because that would be getting my hopes up for nothing. What I have with Graham was never meant to be about a relationship. If he’d wanted that, I’m sure he would’ve said as much.
And I’m not falling for him, either. Fantasizing about different excuses to get him to my apartment again doesn’t mean love, it means that he’s so sexy I can’t breathe, I like the feel of his hands on my body, and I want to know more about him.