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But I don’t have a damn thing else. Not enough to hold on to a life I somehow strayed from.
The thought makes me miserable and I focus on the coffee again, knocking it back as if it’ll save me. When I set it down, I notice how empty it is as I tap the bottom of it against the table and hear a hollow sound. I’m going to need a refill. I’ll get it myself, though. I push away from the table slightly. “I’m going to grab another. At this rate it’ll be empty before Jacob gets here.”
“Oh, Jacob.” Sue says his name with a hint of something I can’t describe in her voice. A devilish smile grows on her face and it makes me roll my eyes. Of all the girls, Sue’s the one who gets over one man by getting under another. And she’s given the advice freely to our tight group of friends. I can practically feel her elbow in my ribs.
“Yes,Jacob,” I echo, mocking the way she said it, feeling irritable and juvenile, but it only makes Sue smile.
“Well I hope he’s a good distraction for you,” Sue says then winks and slides her bag off her lap, onto her shoulder.
“Work is always a good distraction.” My tone destroys the bit of lightness. “I’m good at burying myself in it.” The girls arequiet as my words sit stale in the air. It’s part of the reason my marriage is tainted. I don’t have to say it out loud and they don’t have to tell me. Everyone already knows it.
She worked herself to deathwill be written on my tombstone. It’s all I think while I stand at the counter and order another coffee. Regular this time, with a splash of cream and plenty of sugar.
“I read his book you gave me,” Maddie says when I retake my seat a moment later, changing the subject back to Jacob Scott. “I looked him up online too,” she adds as a smile spreads across her lips and her cheeks brighten with a blush. She scoots to the back of her seat and holds her cup in both hands, gladly taking the attention off of me. “He’s cute,” she says and smiles in a way I don’t see often from her. My left brow raises as I watch her pink cheeks turn brighter.Little miss innocent.
“Is he now?” Sue comments and the two share a look as Maddie nods.
“Want me to put in a good word for you?” I question—it’s meant for either of them really—and reach into my Kate Spade satchel for my laptop and notebook, setting them up on the table as Sue stands and puts on her jacket. There’s no way Maddie would actually make a move. She’s so sheltered and inexperienced. There’s also no way I’d let someone like Jacob near her.
“You can always stay and wait for him to get here?” I say jokingly. “Or maybe leave something behind and have to come back for it?”
She doesn’t answer, merely shakes her head and slides off her seat to join Sue in leaving me to my fresh coffee and waiting laptop.
“I wouldn’t want to impose,” Maddie finally says and then walks over to give me a hug. Even in her heels, I still sit a little higher at the bar-height table as she embraces me.
I half expect her to say something in my ear, to tell me it’ll be all right or that Evan’s made a mistake. But she doesn’t say a word until she lets me go. “I’m just a call away,” she says with a chipper tone that wouldn’t clue in anyone around us that I’d need to call her because my life is falling apart. Both of her hands grip my shoulders just a second too long.
My heart goes pitter-patter.
“Same here, darling,” Sue adds, placing her own hand on Maddie’s shoulder as a cue, and then the two walk off. The sound of Sue’s heels starts to fade as she opens the door. But the chime sounds just the same as when we first walked in here.
“Later, loves.” I force a smile on my face as they leave me here alone.
But my expression doesn’t reflect anything I truly feel.
And nothing’s changed.
EVAN
Berkeley Square in London feels the same as it has for years. The crisp air and old trees that tower over the park always feel timeless when I’m here. The black iron and white stone that speak to the history of this place never fail to impress. The dark, narrow alleys and the nightlife tucked away in the shadows of this city are what make my blood heat and my foot tap anxiously on the floorboard of the car.
It’s always given me a rush to come here. There are a number of cities I’m fond of, cities that are playgrounds for the wealthy and where the best parties are had. Los Angeles, San Francisco, and New York City, of course. But London is one of the best. There’s something to be said about being away from your normal life and getting to unwind in a city you don’t have any obligations to stay in, yet welcomes you as if it’s always been home.
The cabby clears his throat and his accent greets me as he tries to make small talk. I give him a curt nod and as many one-word answers as it takes to make it clear he doesn’t need to fill the time with needless conversation. I’m not interested.
Rubbing sleep from my eyes, I lean back in the leather seat, feeling more and more exhausted as we pass the park, the darkgreen landscape fading from sight and rows of homes taking the place of the public areas.
I’ve felt comfortable here for years. It’s a constant go-to for the PR company and I’ve been sent here to look after clients multiple times. But as the sky turns gray and the rain starts to beat against the tin roof, the welcoming feeling leaves me, and I’m left empty. Brought back to the present and brooding on how much the past has fucked me over.
The cab takes a left onto Hay Hill and I pass an old townhome where I used to crash. I’ve had so many close calls here. I was too much of a hothead, always looking for a thrill and pushing my luck further and further.
The cabby comes to a stop before I’m ready. The memories play on a loop in the back of my head of all the years I spent wasted. I can still feel the crunch of bone from the last fight I got into not three blocks from here.
“Here we are,” the cabby states, turning in his seat, but before he can say anything else, I jam some cash into his hand and grab my bags on my own.
“Have a good day, sir,” I hear him call out as I shut the door, the patter of rain already soaking through my collar at the back of my neck.
I have to walk with my head down to keep the rain from hitting me in the face. The door opens easily and I drag my luggage in, tossing it to the right side where the coatrack and desk are meant to greet clients. This condo’s been converted into an office space. It’s blocks from the nightlife and blends in with the community. A perfect location for client drop-off.