Page 287 of Phoenix's Fire

I sat up in surprise. "No!"

"Have you ever heard of grenades?" she asked.

The air slipped from my lungs. "Gideon said we can't use them because they kill too much. They destroy the meat." I grimaced. "The Dragons, he meant."

"Yeah," she agreed. "That's why this was so bad." Then she moved to rest her rump against my desk. "Meri, there's a lot of people who are going to need help. Bandage changes, stitches removed, and things like that. I told the doctors you might be willing to do that."

"Yes!" I hurried to agree. "I know I'm not a nurse, but I can change bandages well, and then you all can worry about the real problems."

Which made her smile at me proudly. "Good." Then she bobbed her head a few times. "And I'm sorry I doubted you. I'm just worried, Meri. I can't imagine allyou've been through, and that makes me want to shelter you too much. I should know better, after meeting Ayla, but I just want to keep both of you safe. Can you forgive me?"

"It's okay," I promised. "I understand. I tell Ayla to stop being silly all the time. She doesn't listen either, but we still have to try, right?"

Brielle chuckled. "Yes, we do. Seems you Mole girls are made of tough stuff. Also, you should start thinking about what you'll want for your sign. I'm pretty sure you can become a citizen now. I think there are enough people willing to agree that it won't be a problem at all."

"Like Ayla's the Phoenix?" I asked.

"Mhm," she agreed.

"I'll think about it," I promised. "Maybe a flower?"

"A lot of flowers are taken," she warned.

"Is there a way to know?"

"I can get a list of the taken signs," she said. "Well, in a few days. Maybe next week? It's not a rush, and you have plenty of time to decide. Right now, I need some food and tea. Something to keep me awake, because families will start showing up once the sun comes up. Some earlier." But she tilted her head. "Want something?"

I made a face. "No food. I'm still too excited. Maybe some tea?"

"Yep," Brielle said as she stood again. "And kick your feet up. It helps with the soreness."

So I did. That my back and feet hurt made sense. I was carrying this thing in front of me, and it wasn't light. I'd been going for hours now, helping, bending, walking, and sometimes running. What surprised me was that my hands were also sore from wrapping the bandages.

But I'd helped. I'd done well enough that I'd been complimented. Okay, I liked to be told I was good, but this was different.Thiswas what Lessa had been trying to explain: that some things were a reward of their own. That doing what I wanted - not just what I was told - could make me happy in a way I hadn't expected.

And I'd pushed for this. Gideon's wife would’ve shut up and accepted it when Brielle had said I shouldn't help here. The old me would've gone to the daycare, because that had been expected. I would've smiled, hated it, and hoped it would get me praise.

But praise was stupid. It was a leash. For my entire life, it had been used to manipulate me. I'd never felt like I fit in down there, but no one did. We weren't supposed to "fit." We were supposed tomakeourselves righteous. We were supposed to resist sins and temptations. In the compound, everything had been about misery and suffering as penance.

Up here, it was about finding yourself, and I'd just learned I was a good healer. I wasn't worse than Ayla or dumber than Callah. I was different, and that was actually allowed! People liked mebecauseI was different.Iliked me now.

That was the biggest change of all. I didn't really know myself, but I actually liked the bits I was finding. I didn't want to have things told to me. Iwanted to try them and make my own opinion. Like clothes! I loved the colors and fabrics. Healing let me show my gentleness, and I was not a hard or cruel woman.

Sometimes I wished I was. That seemed stronger in a way, but it wasn't the only way. Helping people in pain took strength too. Saying no took the most strength, though. Or yes, sometimes. Pushing for what I wanted, standing up and refusing to back down? That felt so good, and I would no longer be punished for it!

I'd managed to get my legs onto the desk. Brielle was right, that did help, but the sound of the exterior door being yanked open made me pull them back down. The man who rushed inside was a color I knew well. Yellow, with an entire rainbow of others scattered across him, he was the brightest thing I'd ever seen. That was Rymar.

And he was carrying another.

"I need a doctor!" he bellowed.

"This way!" I said, standing quickly and leading him to an open room. "We have a bed here. What's - "

"Meri?" Ayla gasped as she, Zasen, and her dog hurried in after him. "Kanik has a gut wound. Possible intestines affected. It was metal, and there was mud, dirt, and leaves in it."

I didn't stop until we reached a bed. Moving quickly, I lowered the metal arms on the side, and Rymar set down their brown friend. Kanik, Ayla said his name was. Thankfully, he groaned, proving he was alive.

"Is he stable?" I asked, mentally running through all the doctors I'd met tonight.